My mom and I have not talked in at least 6 months or more, I called her the last few times that we have spoken. She never calls me, not even on my birthday a few months ago. It does make me alittle sad that I don't even know if she okay or not, but I don't want to cave in again and call her, when she's never really been there for me at all in my hole 26 years of life. My mom left our family to be with a man who is twice her age and and very mentally abusive to her and in the past has even hit her. They have divorced twice and remarried twice so far. You would think that she would try and stay in contact seeing is, I'm her only child now, my brother died in a wreck on Christimas morning 3 years ago. I'm not sure how to handle her, do I take the responsablity on myself to keep our relationship in tact. What do you think?
2006-08-31 02:29:30 · 30 answers · asked by ME 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i think i'll have another beer!! thats what i think
2006-08-31 02:35:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your Mom obviously has some serious problems and she's probably embarrassed about the way she has chosen to live and doesn't want you to be a part of the madness. since you have never had much of a mother daughter relationship it's probably to late to start now But be her friend send her cards on the holidays and when your thinking of her maybe invite her to lunch on a special occasion just the two of you I know it hurts not to have a real Mom in your life but you can't let it get you down its not your fault Just be the best mom ever, if and when you decide to have kids.
2006-08-31 19:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by Sandra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh I am so sorry you have went through so much , but you know it seems that since your mom keeps going back to this guy she may have a very low self esteem , and that may be why she don't call you , she knows she messed up with you and she is so afraid of rejection..I think you should call her and even try and take her to lunch or shopping or something,in all reality the way it sounds is you are all she really has...Maybe you can let her know that you think of her all the time and how bad it hurts you that she don't call you , that may change everything with her , she is probably thinking you don't want her to call you.. Good Luck , and remember your mom will not be here forever , so love her while you have her...
2006-08-31 09:57:27 · answer #3 · answered by MARY B 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There really is no relationship to keep in tact.
It's a sad thing. There is nothing wrong with you calling to say hi and see if she is ok. Just let it go with that though. Make sure she knows how to get a hold of you. You may have to accept that this is who she is. She probably won't be changing at this point. But call so you feel better about that and then just move on until you call her again in a couple of months.
2006-08-31 09:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by Chloe 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You have to decide what is in your best interest. As we grow up we realize that our parents are just people. You mother should have been there to love and protect you, but she is who she is. It is okay to stay in contact with her, but you have to stop expecting her to change who she is and become a loving parent to you.
You got cheated out of the family life that every kids wants to have, but now that you are an adult you can see it for what it was. She makes bad choices for herself. Your choices are now your own. Keep contact with her if you want to, but make your own life for yourself now. Fill it with the things and people that make you happy and make better choices than she did.
You are the one in charge of your life, she can't hurt you if you don't let her. See her for the sad person that she is, feel sorry for her even, but don't think that she is suddenly going to become someone she has never been.
Good Luck and be happy!
2006-08-31 09:35:36 · answer #5 · answered by Christina 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think it may be to late because of the status of the situation. Your age and the fact the mom has moved on, but you all needed counseling! She is probably not willing to so so now, so you be the larger person and call every once in a while just to ensure she is alright and keep it moving. No need for it to be a big ordeal as she has obviously made her decision very clear wear her priorities lie.
2006-08-31 09:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by M D 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi, call your Mum and maybe write as well. I've never really got on with my Mum and once didn't speak to her for over a year - but that wasn't fair to my kids who wanted to see their Nan, so I started speaking to her again. The relationship is quite superficial but at least we speak. I hadn't spoken to my Dad (a raging alcoholic) for over two years when he died suddenly. That was 25 years ago and it has caused me no end of heartache that we were estranged when he died. It's something I can't change so I just have to get my head around it. Best keep speaking if only to avoid that sort of situation.
2006-08-31 09:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by debbie t 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Hi Kristi,
If i were you, i would have had the same doubts and dilemma, but you know what. I would still go ahead and call her and check if everything is alright and help her if she needs any help. I would even go ahead one more step and visit her and spend some time with her. Afterall she is a mother and we cannot tell what problems she was/is having. We cannot decide on things which have not seen the other side of things.
Hope this helps.
Bye
Girish
2006-08-31 09:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think your mom has serious issues. losing her son,and being with a man who abuses her,,she doesnt know any other way. if you want to keep in contact with your mom then you should keep calling her. as long as you feel you have done the best with her in trying to be a good daughter,,,you have done your part. two wrongs dont make a right. she might really need you but is afraid to take a step because of her abusive man. good luck keep doing the right thing.
2006-08-31 09:39:19 · answer #9 · answered by michelle 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
she is going through a bad patch in her life too with her abusive husband, and if you feel sorry for yourself because she was never there for you in your life, it is the same for her. There was no one to help her get up on her feet and encourage her and support her in leaving this abusive man.
Call her, and forget about the differences you might have. She is always your mum, whatever happens. Show her that you love her and tell her that you miss her without sounding too needy. If god forbids you loose her, then you will truly know what it is like to live without a mum, and you will never forgive yourself if anything happens to her with the guilt.
Be strong and call her! Good Luck!
2006-08-31 09:36:45 · answer #10 · answered by trushka 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
So far you have been the adult in this relationship. You are more mature and responsible than she is. You just keep calling. She in in an abusive relationship, probably has very little self esteem. You don't have to be part of her life everyday, but call her to see how she is doing. It will make you feel better.
2006-08-31 09:36:28 · answer #11 · answered by I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU! 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋