How is it 2 families living cross country from each other can think and speak so differently?

Question

In-laws live in California, and we live in S. Carolina. They are so upset, over their last visit and I'm having a hard time understanding why. They have different idea of how family should act (basically we should bow down to them and do what ever they want.) Since we didn't do this (we have 3 kids and a life of our own that can't stop just because they have a vacation) They are angry. I tried to talk to them and said the kids were ill because they were keeping them up late while they were here and the kids have to get up at 6am for school. Here ill just means grumpy. They thought I meant they were making the kids sick. It's like they live in a completely different country and speak a different language. How can we get along if their expectations are way high for us and they can't understand my "southern" talk LOL!

Answer 1

Tough one. Firstly, your in-laws need to respect your home and space and accept the decisions/rules you make for your household. They raised their family, now they need to let you raise yours.

As for the understanding part, they just need to really lighten up and let themselves get to know and understand you. Might be something your significant other may need to talk to them about.

Answer 2

Cool, I have never heard of "ill" meaning grumpy. I have to say when I read that you told them they made the kids ill, I had the same reaction they did "she's totally overreacting, how can staying up late make someone sick?" But I know it can definitely make someone grumpy!

I think you have to compromise when you have visitors, don't use weird words and don't expect to do everything you'd normally do while they're there. Take a couple days off work if you can, or at least don't work overtime. Miss a couple days at the gym, or take them with you. If it doesn't destroy sibling harmony, let the kids take turns staying up late so they're not all grumpy every day but they do get some extra time with the grandparents.

Answer 3

I think your views are just different. "Overtired" doesn't mean "ill" even in SC. And since they went across the country to visit with their grandchildren as their vacation when they could probably have gone anywhere else, you may have made more allowances out of respect for them, don't you think? They must not see their grandchildren all that often since they live on the other coast... would it have hurt to keep the kids out of school just for a day or two so they could have a good, bonding visit? I'm sure they felt they deserved a bit more courtesy from family. I can't say I blame them for feeling upset about the whole thing.