my 9 year old boy... prepare for a long story before my question...?

Question

from 1st grade to 3rd grade,he received yearly honor roll awards. very loving,sweet,thoughtful,kind,intelligent or smart.he loves my 2 yr old girl to death and really happy 2 have a baby brother who's almost 2 mos. since he started school,he's been having trouble keeping his mouth shut. he's always either talking 2 much,making all kinds of noise just screaming and being a clown.always off his seat and bothers everyone in class.i started taking stuff from him little by little.i even tried the reward deal-if he behave such number of days he gets these or that or he gets to play with his game or watch his tv on the weekend or get treats. i have also tried spanking routine.time outs.face the wall.sit on the bed for hours.go outside and wear himself out.played baseball-which i'm proud to say he became one of the stars even though it was his 1st time.we've talked.a lot.& we still do.he knows we love him.he tortures our dog and hit plants.what's wrong with him?is he rebellious?what do i do?

from 1st grade to 3rd grade,he received yearly honor roll awards.very loving,sweet,thoughtful,kind&smart.loves his younger siblings (2 yr and 2 mos)to death.
since he started school,he's been having trouble keeping his mouth shut. he's always either talking 2 much,making all kinds of noise just screaming and being a clown.always off his seat & bothers everyone in class.and now he's going to detentions one after another.i started taking stuff from him little by little until he can't even do anyhing anymore but chores or play with his siblings sometimes.i even tried the reward deal-if he behave such number of days he gets these or that or he gets to play his games or watch tv on the weekend or get treats.i have also tried spanking routine.time outs.face the wall.sit on the bed for hours.go outside and wear himself out.he even played baseball.we've talked.a lot.& we still do.he knows we love him.he tortures our dog and hit plants.what's wrong with him?is he rebellious?what do i do?

Answer 1

when he talks too much or disrupts in school, what's his mood and does he interact with the other kids at the time?

here are a few ideas that pop into my head, and they are just ideas because of the good, but limited information on the question.

i don't think he's trying to mis-behave at all. especially if discipline isn't effective with him.

investigate changes in his environment, how's his home life? parent's getting along, etc. there could be some abuse going on. yer gonna have to observe everyone in his life and discern whether they are approprite relationships. family members and friends.... this isn't necessarily what's going on, and i know it's a scarry thought. but going from loving boy to disruptive and hurting a pet is potentially telling you that he's hurting and doesn't know how to verbalize it and is showing you in other ways.

what events and relationships in his life have changed?

it could be something simple as feeling neglected at home as there is one more sibling taking time away from him?

again, these are just rough ideas and it just seems like you should observe his environment more than his mis-behaviors and get to the source of the problem which is either environmental or it could be psychiatric as well.

i hope this helps a little...

Answer 2

My daughter 9, has some similar symptoms. She is wonderful with her 2 sisters, 3years and 5 months. She is super smart scoring advanced in all yearly testing. She hates to get up in the morning and she hates being told what to do. She too, knows she is loved. I have tried spanking and taking things away. Nothing has worked. I took her to her doctor a few months ago. He said try a psychologist. We did. After I answered about 15 pages of questions about her behavior, we finally got an answer. ADHD. At first I thought not another doctor trying to put a child on meds. This doctor broke everything down and was willing to have theopy sessions instead of medicating her. The doctor told us most kids only have 4-5 symtoms. She had at 9. It sounds alot like our case. She was not violent to animals, but had a lot of rage toward us (her parents). Still not sure why. It can be a very trying time for the whole family. My husband and I would argue over what to do and how to do it. We were just making the problem worse. Hang in there and maybe you can find a respectable doctor like we did.

Answer 3

All beit that you may believe that yoru Son is the only problem here, He is not.

In order to retain control of your son, you have got to be controlling of Him. Timeouts, Spanking, Rewards, ...all good used in the right fasion at the right time, But only if your Son respects your authority, which He obviously Does not.

Unfortuently you need to do some tough Love here. Anthying and everything. Need to keep a very close eye on Him....make sure you know what He is doing 100% of the time. Make a specific area for timeouts, and use them repetively. Punish everytime he does somthign wrong....make your 3 count a 1 count....If life is no fun anymore, He will get the picture.

Also talkign to Him is the best thing you can do. i.e "Why do you hit the plants?" (make sure you get an audible answer) "Why do you torture the Dog, dont you knwo that hurts him very badly, would you like to be tortured?" ect., ect.

Just a few tips. You have to start some kidnd of structured punishments and such now or He will only get worse.

Answer 4

A 2 year old and a 2 month old both require a lot of attention. I'd guess that your 9 year old is seeking attention from you.

9 year old boys don't have it as easy as you'd think. I don't think he's merely rebellious; boys of this age start to destroy things in order to feel like they wield power over something; whether it be the dog or the plants. The environment at school changes around this time and this is when boys typically start to become more aggressive. They live in 2 worlds; their home environment, and the dog-eat-dog world of school. Take it from me, boys are viscious at this age and he's probably fighting to stay away from the bottom of the food chain. And having two siblings so much younger than him probably makes him feel a little out of place at home. You should try giving him some responsibilities and make sure you set aside time for him and him alone. He still has a lot of growing up to do and the next few years will shape what kind of person he becomes.

Answer 5

most people have been commenting of ADD/ADHD. Kids are too medicated as it is. and those drugs can become addictive. Try and get him into more sport like activities aside from school to try to even out his energy. see about having him tested grade wise.. he might be too advanced for what they are teaching him.

as for the hurting of plants and your family pet... it sounds like there is a deeper issues and really effecting him. and that's the only way (subconsciously) to vent it. i think seeing a counselor, or doctor is best there. But if you can get him interested into some addition sports, it will help release some of that anger too.

but no matter the reason, his actions are unacceptable and need to be punished. You need to stay strong and firm in your punishments, and i know it's hard to find one when kids have some much now that is doesn't matter if you take somethings away because there are others to replace it. You also need to stay consistent with them. not changing them around.

dominance might be key here. he has to learn right and wrong now, or he'll never care about it or understand it later. and if that means becoming miss b*tch-mom so be it. but he has to understand when he does something wrong this punishment WILL happen.

Answer 6

I think he has learned that if he acts this way, he gets attention, even if it is bad attention. He may have lost a little of the attention he was getting with the new baby and now that he is in a higher level in school there are more students and less one on one teacher time. Acting out gets back the attention he lost.
I would also cut all sugars and caffeine from his system. Make him take daily vitamins, and make sure that he has a normal time that he HAS to go to sleep, no ifs, ands, or buts.
Since he likes the hitting and running thing, try karate classes. They give him someplace to put that aggression and teaches him discipline. Good combo.

Answer 7

He could have a lack of sleep and feels like crap. A kid needs to be going to bed early and sleeping consistently.

Also, what the heck is he doing all of those outside things. If your kid doesn't respect you now, God help you when he's a teen.

You do a Dr. Phil on him. You take away every fun thing in his room; a tv, video games, all toys, phones.

You sit him down and say, you will have to earn these things back. Tell him his behavior is TOTALLY unacceptable and wont' be tolerated. Be specific. Tell him you love him and your not going to allow him to do this anymore. Let him cry scream pout or do whatever.

I can't remember any spankings but the worst punishment I ever got was having to sit in a chair for 5 hours a day doing nothing, for 2 days in a row. I was being a smart aleck for attenting in school. No tv, no playing no talking, just nothing. I listened to my friends playing outside. I never acted up in school EVER again. And now that I'm an adult I still listen and respect my parents. It was demanded of me and then appreciated in later years.

It's time you take back your home or get ready for some terrible times especially in his teen years.

A spanking? It's obvious he doesn't respect what your doing as discipline. It's time you take back your home and stop being cool nice, and helpless adults and start being loving disciplined parents. Or you can take him to a doctor and drug him like many parents like to do. Good luck.

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong with him. No he's not being rebellious. Your question was long, my answer is long.. sorry. He's at that age where he's looking for affirmation. He's starting to see that he's growing up and that he'll have to be a "man" someday. Somewhere in all this he's wanting to start affirming his masculinity. Is he getting stronger, is he getting braver, is he more brazen, more adventurous. He's testing himself. Hopefully there's a male figure around that can affirm this with him. Let him know that he doesn't have to be "nice and sweet." It's okay to be a little adventurous, a little dangerous. All little boys have three basic desires.. they want an adventure, they want a battle, and they want to save someone. Just like all little girls want to be taken on an adventure, want to be fought for, and want to be "resuced." (of sorts.) Encourage that and let him rampage a bit. Just let him know that there is a difference between good dangerous, good aggression and bad dangerous, bad aggression. That same spirit of adventure and willingness to fight is what makes a man a good husband, father, person. That's probably what you want him to grow up to be, a man that will fight for his kids and marriage, that won't quit when things get hard, that strives to be a "rock" for those he loves and supports. It starts now... and also, let go. A mom can't tell her son he's strong and brave, doesn't mean the same thing as when dad says it. Same is true for girls, a mother saying your beautiful never quite has the same affect as when dad says it. Femininity can't bestow masculinity.

Answer 9

There is obviously something going on with him. If it was just that he was being obnoxious in class, I would say to take everything away from him until he stops, but the fact that he tortures the dog and hits your plants suggests a deeper trouble. I think that you should get him evaluated to find out what is going on. Is there a possibility that anyone is hurting him at all? I would for sure go get him checked out just to be sure. This could turn into a bigger problem if it is not dealt with now. I know you talk to him a lot, but he may be scared to tell you what is really going on. It will be better for a neutral party to talk to him.

Answer 10

Get him into see a CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST for an evaluation. If you have a local Mental Health Clinic go there. They have GREAT therapists!

Sounds like he might have the start of Depression or ADD/ADHD!

We did summer therapy for all of us, well except hubby he had to work! LOL

We also completed a "Strengthening Families" class at our Local Child & Family Services. That program dealt with Love & Limits in discipline! Was very imformative and helpful.