Is this girl a good model for me?

Question

I'm 13 and really look up to a 23 yo girl. I admire her principles, her sweet heart, strength. I like to go out with her, to talk to her about everything. She's young but teaches me a lot about what being a womam is. She graduated in Biology, has a job and still studies.
But unfortunately she doesn't get along with her parents. She doesn't live with them and wrote them off her life. I don't know the details, but she says they were to harsh on her when she was a teen, they made her so resentful that she didnt get over and never will. I know their parents keep trying to get her again, her mom asked her to talk to them to fix their relation now that she's an adult, but she refuses. Some people say I shouldn't hang out w/ her cause she's not an example of what a good daughter should be, but why not? She's a great girl, a great older friend.! I believe it was her parents fault, no one understands how a girl like that can be so resentful of her parents. At her job everybody likes her

Answer 1

Without knowing the EXACT reasons for her resentment of her parents it is hard to say if you should look up to her.

To an extent, if a person cannot forgive, then others think they are probably not such a good person after all.

Answer 2

Most teenagers think that their parents are too harsh. I did and now my children think the same thing about their Dad and I. That's part of being a teenager. They are striving for independance and want to make their own choices but what they don't realize is that they really don't know enough about life to be able to always make the right choices. This girl you're hanging out with sounds like she's got her life together just don't let her relationship with her parents affect your relationship with your parents. You said yourself that you don't know all of the details but you believe that it was her parent's fault. How can you make a decision like that without knowing all of the details? Even if she gave you all of the details then that would just be her version. In order to make an informed and adult decision you would have to hear her parent's side of the story too. This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say that teens don't know enough about life to always make the right choices.

Answer 3

You can admire her for the things you said you admire her for, but when it comes to the thing with her parents she shouldn't be talking to you about it, and you shouldn't be listening about it. If she's as mature as she should be for her age she would know not to talk about difficulties with her parents with you.

If you don't know the situation, though, you cannot fairly judge who may or may not be at fault (even if its both she and her parents). In other words, you have no way to know if she's telling whatever version of the story she tells accurately and objectively, and you should not automatically believe its the parents fault.

Its nice that she has graduated and still studies, but that doesn't necessarily make anyone a good role model on any matter other than school. If she has a job, that's fine, too; but neither school nor job necessarily guarantees that someone is emotionally solid (I'm not saying she isn't. I'm just saying the school and job thing don't say anything about her other than that she studies and works, which all kinds of questionable people often do.)

If you were my daughter I would rather you not spend a whole lot of time with someone that much older than you are simply because, while its nice to have a friend you look up to, it isn't necessarily the best thing for someone your age to be spending too much time with someone who is that much older and yet not enough older than you to see you for as young as you are. In other words, to a girl 23 you look just about almost grown-up. She may say or do stuff or expect stuff from you that isn't suitable for someone as young as you are. For example, if she has talked about her parents enough to have told you they try to get in touch with her that means she's putting this stuff on you as if you were her equal in maturity.

I don't necessarily think she has to be a bad role model for you, but her age alone is enough that - really - you shouldn't be spending too much time with her. She may be a great person, as you say, but sometimes being 13 isn't about looking for someone to be a role model but is, instead, about finding your own way in your own way and your own time.

It may be true that its all her parents fault and not at all her fault in any way, but if people are saying they think she may not be a good example there's also the chance that the people who know you and know your older friend know something you don't and I don't.

You say she is teaching you a lot about what being a woman is. Maybe the people around you don't like the things she's teaching you and want different for you when it comes to your ideas about being a woman.

My belief has always been that unless all parties involved are completely grown up not much good ever comes from friendships between someone who is a lot younger than the other person. A little being together - maybe. A "friendship" - not usually good.

Answer 4

She is not a good model for you. She sounds like a nice succesful girl. She is all the nice things that you say about her because of the fact that her parents have been harsh on her. She should go on her knees and thank God for her parents been harsh on her. They brought her up very well and now she wants to push them aside. Show her this letter and rather try and get her and her parents together again. You might even become a rol model to her.

Good luck.

Answer 5

don't forget she's probably as nice as you think she is but that doesn't make her perfect.
I think you should keep hanging with her, as long as she's not telling you to diss your parents and dont' just do whatever it is she says, think it over like you would when you get advice from anyone.
You don't know what her parents did to her, but they prob made mistakes too, and that may be why this older girl is willing to be a role model for you cuz she learned from her parents mistakes and wants to be there for younger girls like how she may have wanted to of had a role model herself while she was younger.
Hopefully she can forgive her parents and move on, life is too short and precious to hold grudges, but that doesn' mean that forgiveness is always easy, might take time

Answer 6

I think she should be your role model. She's good in everything she do except her relationship with the parents but nevertheless
shes good. It's good for you however that you can easily identify
her personal weakness.

Follow her good attitude. Since she's a good friend of yours,
why not talk to her. Sometimes I learn also from youngster
like you.

Answer 7

She's a good role model and friend, hang out with her, the trouble between her and her parents is their problem and she has the right to not like her parents, there are probably good reasons. Be her friend and be thankful you have such a good friend.

Answer 8

That is sad that your parents do not pay you any attention. I feel that if this 23 year old is not doing anything illegal with you it is fine to have a role model like you described. Don't give up and know that someone believes in you!!!!

Answer 9

You dont have to be exactly like her, the good things yes, but just because she hates he family doesnt mean you should hate yours...All the good examples follow and judge the rest for your self.....

Answer 10

IF SHE IS A GOOD MENTOR & HAS HAD A POSITIVE INFLUENCE IN YOUR LIFE,THEN WHY NOT LEARN FROM HER.A GOOD CLICHE IS - WISE MEN LEARN FROM FOOLS MISTAKES!SHE MAYNOT BE PERFECT BUT HAS LEARNT THE HAD WAY TO STAND UP ON HER OWN TWON FEET.PARENTS WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT BEC THEY ARE FLESH & BLOOD.TIME IS THE BEST HEALER, IN DUE COURSE SHE WILL FORGIVE THEM.