Sometimes, I feel I can't do ANYTHING right... I am lucky if my husband talks to me 20 min a day...with him being home from work... When we do communicate, he is walking around, doing things, typing at the computer etc.etc.etc... When I bring it up, he says " i did ask u how your day was." " but that wasn't good enough for you". I have brought up divorce something in which I really don't want, but he has even said more times then once that I am lucky that it says "divorce is sin", in the bible because he would have divorced me a long time ago... *( our 5 yr anniversery is coming up)*...How can someone TRUELY love you, if they says words like that? Why do men have to be so insensitive? Why did God create men with cold hearts? If we ever decided to divorce would we really go to hell? It says to love as christ loved the church... If there are any married men out there... who have GOOD marriages.. can you tell me what exactly that kind of love is?
p.s. we did marriage counseling.
2006-08-30 18:47:44 · 33 answers · asked by Carley 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Carley, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you need to re-evaluate your position whilst you still can, divorce may be considered sinfull in some dogmatic institutions, but common sense decree's that you cannot develop spiritually whilst shackled to a partner who clearly does not love you, another situation will come along for you that will provide everything that is fulfilling to you.
"Sometimes you have to cut off a hand to save an arm."
2006-08-30 19:08:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I personally don't like that people divorce so easily these days, but sometimes I think it the only way to avoid a real tragedy. The tragedy ends up being either someone dies or a soul does. I also think that if your husband is trying to abide by the biblical teaching on marriage that he needs to really read the bible or go to a marriage class on the subject. I believe that any relationship requires some basic elements....Respect, faithfullness, trust, honesty and compassion. All these combine to form love. It is is a two way street though. One person can not be supplying all or most of these elements without receiving them in return. Biblical teachings aside, the Golden Rule is a pretty good guide... Treat others as you would like to be treated. If he can't treat you with respect, he should realize that he probably won't get any in return.
A P.S. about getting to speak to him.... you don't mention whether you have children, if you work or what his job is, but I know that men do react much differently to situations than women do. My husband works very hard and we may not get to talk for a few days because he is just to tired. I try not to take that part personally, but it can get aggrevating. The difference is, when we do have those moments, he does talk to me. He doesn't use those times to belittle me and make me feel worthless. Perhaps if you both could attend a couples couselor that can show him how his actions and words hurt, he could begin to change his attitude. A good couselor will not only listen to each of you, but also show you solutions to the issues blocking your communication with each other.
2006-08-30 19:19:41 · answer #2 · answered by jigsawinc 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well like you said a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. I don't know you or your husband so looking for help on the Internet is kind of nill, but if it provides some kind of relief then I hope you get some good answers. You might try to read the book The Five Love Languages or The Marriage you've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. Not all men are cold hearted and I hope that with time and lots of prayer that you can begin to rebuild your marriage. My prayers are with you and your husband for rebuilding your love for each other.
2006-08-30 19:06:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. It will teach you from the Bible how to be the best wife possible and deal with an unloving husband. It's sin for him to not love you the way the Bible tells him too. The Bible states that all sin is equal, so is there a difference in consequence for a divorce or sinning in your marriage? Ask him that. He might look at things differently. Spend time together in the Word and see if you can have a date night once a week or so. That might help... but don't berate him. That won't help.
2006-08-30 18:55:36 · answer #4 · answered by breaker_1020 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really feel bad for you,, your husband sounds cold, and it appears that he does not "like you" Very much.
If you are a strong Christian, and want to stay married because of the bible, i think that i would reconsider, and get a divorce, and live your life in a Christian ideals, but the way your husband speaks to you, it sounds as this is a punishment,,
I think that you should be treated with respect for your feelings and needs, and God did not create men with cold hearts.. they did that to themselves, by the attitude they choose,
I really think you should get some personal counseling, for you,, without him, and make friends with some females who have overcome something similar,, i wish i had a real, solid answer for you,, but i do not.
I do not think you should stay with a person who does not love you back
i do hope prayer, and self love will give you the strength you need, and open a door for you, where you see clearly all the answers you need,
good luck
2006-08-30 19:00:02 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 25 years of marrage and 8 beautiful children I can Tell You By His Remarks he Is Cheating On You.Its Quite Obvious He don't Love You.
You Should be the Most Important Thing In His Life But By His Actions
You Are Nothing More Than A Nuisance.
2006-08-30 18:55:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You know, I can't help but wonder why Paul, a guy who never got married, felt qualified to write about how husbands and wives should act towards each other. I'm single, and if I were to write a book about how people should act in a marriage, I would probably be exiled. Then again, I'm not an apostle.
2016-03-17 05:04:53 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in hell is his problem? I have been married around 30 years to my wife. I'm not sure exactly how many because I don't keep track. It isn't how long that matters, it's being that does. We communicate. Talk about everything. Forgive quickly.
If he can't seem to compromise, then he isn't good enough for you.
It sounds like he isn't really interested in you. Counseling only helps if someone wants it too. To control someone you have to keep their sense of worth as low as you can keep it. If they think it's always their fault and their self esteem is really low, it's easier to control them.
Sin is in the eyes of the beholder. To divorce isn't a sin. To fail to keep a wife interested and happy is. If he wants to live his life his way, then you have the right to live yours the same way. Who says you have to be home when he gets there? Who says you have to act interested what happened at work today? And who says you even have to talk to him at all? Worry about your well-being. Sometimes it is right to be selfish.
I love my wife more then I love life. And I truly love life. We are more important the me. We have mastered the trick of growing together instead of in different directions. I tell her I love her at least 3 times a day, (in case she forgets.) I show her I love her. She is special, and I treat her that way. In the end, it's each other we have to depend on. No one else.
2006-08-30 19:14:13 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the marriage was doomed from day one. don't be distressed, most marriages are. If a marriage is entered into without true knowledge of what marriage is by both people then how can marriage possibly work? the problem is that most people won't accept the truth and won't participate in what is required for a perfect marriage. I have no intention of trying to explain it all here. It can't be done. Miracles happen. Ask for one. Ye have not because Ye ask not.
2006-08-30 18:57:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Love is compassion for one another. You mentioned you tried marriage counseling but was that spiritual counseling (from a priest or minister)? Try that. It doesn't sound like your husband is being very Christian towards you. Maybe he needs to get better in touch with the true meaning of faith.
Sorry about your situation...hope this helps.
2006-08-30 19:01:37 · answer #10 · answered by c.couture 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must be a Catholic. That religion is so corrupt they would try to scare you with hell for almost anything. I'm no perfect husband, because, I too, need space at times. Maybe your husband is still in the "new husband learning stage". I learned to pay more attention to my wife after she talked to me about it. Talk to him nicely. You don't have to threaten him with divorce.
2006-08-30 19:05:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋