Someone mature please answer this one?

Question

I am 18 years old. I still live with my mother while I am going through college. I have a girlfriend who is 28 years old. We are in love. There is no denying that. We have set some ground rules to our relationship though. I know I am not ready yet for marriage and settling down for the whole family thing. She accepts this. We are sexually active, yes we use protection.

My mother is very controlling and very protective. I know she cares about me, but she just can't seem to let me go and live my life. She wants to control it too much.

Now my problem is this. Should I tell my mother that I am dating a 28 year old? What would be the best way to go about this?

Please answer seriously. I am tired of getting answers on here from people who don't give two sh!ts about the question and my problems. Thanks in advance to people who answer this seriously.

Answer 1

Don't tell her unless she asks and when she does ask and has a problem with it, tell her that your an adult and she can't make life choices for you. It shouldn't matter how old she is, if your in love your in love. Theres nothing you can do about that.

Answer 2

What you need to do is to keep it quiet. As long as you live under your mother's roof and need her emotional and practical support you can not ignore her advice to you. You will never really know if you mother will go crazy at the idea of your dating an older woman or it she would be okay. If the latter, you would be put in an awkard position of choosing between your mom and your gf where you die if you do die if you don't.

Work hard in school and think hard about your future career; that should be the focus of your life right now. Work it through the next few years and graduate. Get a job, be stable and independent.

THEN if you are still with her after 3-4 years (which is also sort of a test if your relationship with her is just a mirage or if its real) then tell your mom about it. By then, you would be an independent (and hopefully successful) young man. You would also have a strong evidence that the love between you guys are real (it lasted 3-4 years afterall). It is then you can make your own decision and slowly coax your mother if she disagrees at first.

Before you graduate though, you should not do anything to endanger your relationship with you mother and, in turn, you academic career.

I am a 30 year old guy that's traveled the world, started a company, been in multiple relationships (some serious, some for fun), while also having a very traditional conservative family. I know that this is cliche...but the love you feel for her is not as "critical" as you think it is now. Love comes and goes throughout life - I am not down playing your feelings but one thing FOR SURE you know is the most precious is time. Your time now in school planning your career for the rest of your life will ultimately determine everything that happens so that takes priority.

Keep it quiet and wait it out. Don't risk creating drama when you don't need it.

Answer 3

If u and ur mother have the type of relationship where u 2 talk about anything, then I say tell her. Although there is a great chance that she will be steaming with anger. Are u and ur girlfriend sure that this is what u want? I mean a 10 year difference is alot. R u sure that this is who u truly want to be with? I know u said that u were not ready for marriage, but she is two years away from 30, does she even want to get married? Better yet do u want to get married? There are some things that the two of u need to seriously discuss.
Do either of u want kids?
Do u want to move in with her?
DO u want to be married maybe in the next two years?

Really think about this.

Answer 4

Sometimes one must wait for the right time to spill the beans etc.
Since your Mother is over protective and controlling, in your own heart and mind do you feel your Mother will have a problem with her? Does she look her current age,
if not why bother and tell your Mom right now?
One never knows what will and can happen down the road.
I think you are a very nice person to be level with your Mother. If you feel inside you need to talk to your Mom about this, then sit her down and discuss it. She maynot
approve of it at first but I am sure she will be nice to her
should you bring her around. Follow your heart and you will not go wrong. This coming from a Mom of a 27 year old.

Answer 5

I think first you have to ask yourself if your mother even has to know. I am sure you have things in your life that she knows nothing about.

Okay, if you decide to tell your mother and she flies off the handle you are going to have a lot of hastle that could have been avoided.

I am glad to read that you and your gf are responsible enough to use protection. Also, not jumping in head first and talking about getting married and all that which should come later. That shows a lot more maturity and that you have more of a level head than some people twice your age.

I would have a relationship with your gf and enjoy life for right now. No need to get mom involved. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I would tell her only if you want her to become even more protective and controlling. Is your Mom married? If not, has she poured everything into you? She has been used to you being her little boy and hasn't gone past that yet. Believe me, if you tell her you are dating a 28 yr old she will probably come unglued. Do you plan on living at home the entire time you are in college or do you have other options to ween yourself away? I would start spending more time away from home, so that she will start getting used to the idea that you are of age and independent. Encourage her to become involved with outside interests, things that she has been putting off. The more she becomes involved in other things and controls her own life's happiness the sooner she will trust to let you go and become a man.

Answer 7

If you don't tell her you are not living your life, you are living a lie. If you love this person, then be honest with yourself and your mother. Now a better question you might want to ask yourself is, "what am I afraid of?"

At 18, you are an adult. What's the deal? Are your parents paying for your education? Are you afraid they'll cut you off financially if they disapprove? If so, you've got 2 choices. 1) Become independent and honest, or 2) stay Mommie's little boy and lie.

Seems like it's not a question of Mommie letting go of you, but you letting go of Mommie. Controlling and over-protective parents raise insecure, dependent children.

So, was that a mature enough answer for you?

Answer 8

I give U mature. I'm M, 59. My mother hated girlfriends 3 yrs older than me. Your mother's problems are hers. If U let her make your decisions You will be stuck with the girl she chooses. Find your balls and choose carefully. Don't marry just to spite yer mom. While U live under your mother's roof U gotta accept her rules. Move out as soon as U can without ever having to ask to return. If your mother is paying your way in college, graduate or find a way to pay yourself before telling her. If you make a good marriage she will come around. If the marriage fails, she will always say "I told U so" Somehow I think U wise enuf to know that.

Answer 9

"...Should I tell my mother that I am dating a 28 year old? What would be the best way to go about this?"

May i try to answer your question? My suggestion is that you Should tell your mother that you are dating a 28 year old.for marriage is not just you and your love but your family,may be your mother She wants to control it too much.

but you are 18 years old.you want to stand like a man right. you have many chances and many places to improve that.to tell your mother and try it even it is so difficult but you must do that,again and again ,remember don`t give up,if you honestly it would be better for your situation.
look ! your life still have a long way ,you can look more far and longer and clear.I trust you can do it!

Answer 10

I guess it just depends on the kind of relationship you and your mom have. If you value honesty in your relationship then you might want to consider telling her. Her worries may be that an older woman would try to take advantage of you...that you are too young to know what love is...the age difference is too great etc. The thing is, you know when its right...and if its right, eventually you will have to tell her. Has your mom met your girlfriend yet? If she has, let her have a chance to get to know her...so she can see all the great things you do. Her age shouldn't matter as long as you two genuinely care about each other. Good luck :)

Answer 11

As a mother I feel I have the right to create rules for my children as long as they live at home. No matter how old they are. I assume your mother feels the same way. Personally I would be more upset if I found out through gossip about one of my sons having a serious relationship, then if they told me themselves.

I think it shows maturity to be able to tell your parents about something that is so important in your life. Yes, your mother might not approve and there might be disagreements about it, but as an adult you should be able to sort things out. Acting like an adult is after all Not to be able to agree with everybody, but to be able to work through disagreements.

If you feel that you are not ready to handle disagreements and that it will effect your school work perhaps you should wait for a while. Perhaps introducing your girlfriend as a friend at first to see what you mother thinks of her?