I'm Catholic and my hubby-to-be is Atheist... can we get married in a Catholic Church?

Question

I am madly in love with a guy and we are planning to be engaged soon. I am a Catholic and from a very religious family. My boyfriend is an Atheist from a non-believing family (he is as Catholic as can be in values, just hasn't found God). We are both very strong in our beliefs and accept that we don't agree about whether or not there is a God. Both families support the relationship and think that we will be a wonderful couple. Can we get married in the Catholic Church? It is very important for my family. We both agreed that we will raise our children in the Church but they will not be confirmed until they are 16 and can make their own choices about their religious beliefs. Even with this will we be able to get a priest to marry us?

Thanks so much for all of the answers!

Some additional info-- I am a child of a mixed-marriage of VERY different faiths and was raised to be a Catholic, so I have seen some of the issues. His mother was raised in the Catholic church so our upbringing was mostly the same. He is well versed in the Bible and knows the faith better than most Catholics.

About the church values questions-- we know we will have to bend the truth. I work in reproductive health policy and tackle abortion on a daily basis. My boyfriend’s values align closely to the church, much more than mine do.

Thanks again for all of the help!

Answer 1

My parents where the same way. It is fine as long as he makes an agreement to raise the kids Catholic. My husband and I just went through the whole Catholic wedding. You better start going to church together now. Even if he doesn't believe. The priest will ask you that. Also, I know in Michigan they make you wait 9 months after you get engaged until you can get married. You have to do a TON of counseling. We got the priest to marry us in 3 months because we lived in different states and he only agreed to do it if we got 9 months worth of counseling done in that time frame. It was very hard. All I am saying is that you better start taking him to church with you NOW. They will want to know if two of you have been going. Also, they make you take a 500 true and false test during the counseling, you have to take it in separate rooms. Make sure you talk about all your life goals, etc..., it is not easy to get married in a Catholic church.

I have to add more after reading the other answers. That guy who said be willing to have kids when God wants??? I have to take BC pills because of a medical condition. The priest was fine with that. Catholics are not what they use to be. You can have Gay friends..., they teach you the doctrine and you can interpret it for your self.


I just went through all of this a year ago. You have to do a weekend retreat, or two full days on the weekend together. You have to take that test. Meet with the preist several times. And be counseled by an older mentor couple (they will administer the test) also you have to go to Catholic school refresher class. One of the classes is mandated by the pope that you both are there together for. That is the Natural Family Planning class. They have a doctor come in and talk to you about it. They are not telling you that is what you absoultely have to do. They are just teaching you about it.

Answer 2

I am also catholic and married to a man who is also an atheist. We had the exact dilemma and this is how we solved it. We were told by the church that if we wanted to be married in the church, he would have to attend classes to learn about the catholic religion; as a matter of fact I would have to attend too. They call them couple classes. These classes if I remember correctly last about 4-6 weeks. He did not want to do this, so we decided to not marry in the church. I did not want him to have to do something that made him uncomfortable and was not of interest to him. He is one of those people who doesn't believe or disbelieve. He simply has not experienced anything that warrants his belief. We have been married for 14 years now, and have a child that has been baptised catholic. I sent her to sunday school to learn about the catholic religion since she has been baptised into it. She did not take a liking or an interest to it, so I did not force her to continue. I figure I gave her a start and knowledge about the religion, and she can decide if she wants to learn more about it someday when she is older. Well, that's my story...Your fiance will have to attend classes. I say get married outside of the church surrounded by God and people you love, and if he has the desire to attend classes after the wedding when he is ready he'll let you know.

Answer 3

If you plan ahead of time to bend the truth otherwise lie to the Church, why bother to get married in it. I assume that God will know you are marrying under false pretenses, I do not think I see the importance for you to marry in church. Try a nice outdoor wedding or a big wedding in hotel. Guilt will ruin your wedding day. Raise your children in church as you both agree but if both your families know each other then they know your boyfriend is an Atheist & should always support honesty. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you are both Catholic and have the records to prove it then you can get married in the Church. If he keeps his mouth shut about his disbelief in the Church. If he tells the priest that he is an atheist then the priest will not marry you. In the Catholic Church you will have to go through classes and make a serious commitment before you can get married in the Church, so be prepared for a commitment. He will have to accept what is being told to him by the Church and keep his ideas to himself for a while. In the Catholic Church you don't just walk in, make a donation and say "Marry me please." It can take up to a year to prepare to be married.

Answer 5

I don't think you will be permitted to be married in the church, unless your boyfriend agrees to go to catechisms and covert to catholic faith. All of that must be done before the pre-marital counseling. Is he truly atheist, or just not practicing any Christian faith? IF he is an atheist, his beliefs would prevent him from entering the church.

W/o the above-The only way you two could get married, would be by going to Vegas, or a civil service. Thus, no sacrament for you and would be hard for you to have the church baptize any children.

Answer 6

ok i am catholic and my husband is no religion he was baptised catholic but never went to church when we were ingaged we went to our preist and asked him about getting married because of me wanting a catholic wedding in my home town he said that he would marry us but we had to go to some classes that was about 1 hour long and for about one month just explaining to my husband the diffrent veiws of catholic religion such as abortion and how god came about etc. we also had to take a little test to see if we were compatable and ask the archbishop for his blessing i have never heard of the archbishop not accepting any one to be married he may ask that your hubby to be take a few more classes but nothing more than that also you may want to help your hubby to be by telling him to just go along with everything that the priest ask him like his views on going to church every sunday and raising your kids in the catholic church just tell the priest that you will and he will marry you good luck and congrates i hate to say it but you may need to fib alittle to the priest about both of your beliefs just go with what feels as the right answer and you should speak up first as far as example will you all be going to church every sunday say yes we will the priest will more than likely look at your hubby to be and should agree with you so try to speak first when the priest ask any question good luck and congrats again

Answer 7

nope...no priest will marry you, unless he goes through some classes with you. these classes take 3-6 months to complete. they are good classes however, your soon to be seems to be stuck in his ways. We (my husband and I) got married at justice of the peace, and then at the real wedding had a preist "remarry" us in front of my VERY cathloic family, the only thing he wasnt allowed to do is say was "by the power invested in me" and some other little bits, but no one noticed!

Answer 8

You are unevenly yoked. No one believing in the LORD can live with and be married to someone who DOESN'T. This will not last very long and if you marry him you will end up regretting it or conforming to what HE is. The two beliefs cannot coexist. I am not trying to be mean but I am being honest. Trust me. Think long and hard about this, it is hard enough for two people who have different religions to get along, let alone one who believes and one who doesn't. It doesn't make sense, read between the lines! How is he going to raise your children in the catholic faith when he doesn't believe in GOD himself? It doesn't make sense. You will be happier with someone of the same yoke. It says this in the bible, I'm sure you know that already.

Answer 9

--Is Catholic--

First let me suggest that you buy and discuss "CHRISTIANITY FOR MODERN PAGANS by Kreeft". You both should enjoy it.

Second let me say that you are not allowing your children free choice. If you are about letting them make free choices, 16 is completely arbitrary. At the time of the confirmation process (which most likely will be younger than 16), the Church requires that only those who wish to be confirmed be confirmed. So baptize your kids, send them through all the processes of raising them Catholic, and if they do not wish to be confirmed, they do not have to. But if you will have done your job as a parent right, then your kids will understand that true freedom is in belonging to the Church and progressing in the pilgrimage of the Christian life. Do not deny your children knowledge about God and communion with Him. God doesn't judge your kids for that, He judges you.

Catholic can marry non-Catholics

Essentially you husband would be marrying into the Catholic Faith. Mixed faith marriages can be tricky especially if one of the spouse is more into their faith than the other. Do not be surprised if the religious differences become more pronounced over time. It might not be important now, but after children enter into the picture and raising them Catholic becomes a reality, it can get rough. Contrary to popular opinion, raising your kids in dual faiths tends to create agnostics/atheists not more religious people. That is why the Church insists that her children be raised only Catholic.

First Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholics, (first though you need to get the local bishop's permission for a mixed cult marriage. It is easy talk to your parish priest.) I highly recommend that you and your boyfriend sit down and read the book of Ruth and the Song of Songs (Canticle of Canticles) right away. That will give you a basic scriptural understanding of how important marriage is and how the faith question is resolved.

Here is the basic list to get the ok to get the dispensation of form,

1. Have to go through Catholic marriage prep.
2. Be willing to practice the Catholic understanding of marital relations (ie no condoms).
3. Be open to having children when God gives them to you.
4. Understand and accept that the marriage lasts until the death of the spouse (no divorcing and remarrying while the spouse lives).
5. Promise to not try to convert your spouse away from Catholicism.
6. Promise to not impede in any way your spouse's obligations to the Catholic Faith and the growth of their spiritual life.
7. Promise to have your children baptized Catholic within a few weeks of their birth.
8. Promise to raise your children in and ONLY IN the Catholic Faith.
9. Promise to not impede in any way your children's obligations to the Catholic Faith and the growth of their spiritual life.

There are other issues but the priest through marriage prep will deal with them.

It is important to note that the Catholic cannot get married without the dispensation from form if the ceremony doesn't take place in a Catholic Church. This would not be considered a sacramental marriage and the Catholic would have placed himself outside of communion with the Church.

Also it is not allowed to have two ceremonies

Canon 1127 §3.
It is forbidden to have another religious celebration of the same marriage to give or renew matrimonial consent before or after the canonical celebration according to the norm of §1 [i.e., the Catholic wedding]. Likewise, there is not to be a religious celebration in which the Catholic who is assisting and a non-Catholic minister together, using their own rites, ask for the consent of the parties.


A NOTE: If your local priest doesn't go through the above numbered steps during the marriage prep, he is not up on his duties and it would be benefitual to locate a better priest. At the time of marriage, not believing in those things brings into question the validity of the marriage especially if one, either openly or in secret intends to do directly the opposite.

To learn more about the catholic faith at a very easy level please see

http://www.scripturecatholic.com...
http://www.catholic.com

If you want something more advanced (but not by much) try
Encyclopedia of Catholic Doctrine by Shaw
Church History by Laux
The Founding of Christendom by Carroll

Answer 10

It is entirely up to the priest in charge of your individual parish. Some will say yes and others no.