I'm Catholic and my hubby-to-be is Atheist-- can we get married in the Catholic church?

Question

I am madly in love with a guy and we are planning to be engaged soon. I am a Catholic and from a very religious family. My boyfriend is an Atheist from a non-believing family (he is as Catholic as can be in values, just hasn't found God). We are both very strong in our beliefs and accept that we don't agree about whether or not there is a God. Both families support the relationship and think that we will be a wonderful couple. Can we get married in the Catholic Church? It is very important for my family. We both agreed that we will raise our children in the Church but they will not be confirmed until they are 16 and can make their own choices about their religious beliefs. Even with this will we be able to get a priest to marry us?

Thanks so much for all of the answers!

Some additional info-- I am a child of a mixed-marriage of VERY different faiths and was raised to be a Catholic, so I have seen some of the issues. His mother was raised in the Catholic church so our upbringing was mostly the same. He is well versed in the Bible and knows the faith better than most Catholics.

About the church values questions-- we know we will have to bend the truth. I work in reproductive health policy and tackle abortion on a daily basis. My boyfriend’s values align closely to the church, much more than mine do.

Thanks again for all of the help!

Answer 1

Yes, you can. Talk to your priest. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Your fiance might also feel relieved to know that he does not have to agree to the children being raised Catholic, only that he understands that you are obligated to do your best to see that the children are raised in the Church. It sounds like he is very open to that.

Just as a side note, I would recommend that you really commit yourself to knowing as much about your faith as you can learn, because your faith is likely to be tested in the years to come.

Answer 2

No,I don't think so. If you want to get married in the Catholic Church, you have to go for a marriage retreat especially in your case as I gather you're very young and naive. The priest wants to be sure you are compatible and are prepared and willing to raise your children in the catholic faith. Then there's the question of both being baptized. Although i've heard of mixed marriages of different faiths. And if you have to wait till the children are 16. What do you do for their religious upbringing as required by church.? Whose church will you take them?


AS your husband to be is an atheist, he doesn't believe in the existence of God at all. I think it's better you get married civilly then, if it doesn't work out , the church won't recognize your marriage anyway. But if you insist on a catholic wedding, then you better discuss this with your parish priest. You'll find out that what I said in here is not far from the truth. I hope he's a little more modern and will be more resilient and less dogmatic as most of them are.

Answer 3

Lets try and find hidden truths in your question.

You say you are a Catholic.
What you should say is, I am a member of the Catholic religion.
My soon to be husband is a non believer in God and is of no religion.

You mention nothing of whether or not you are a Christian. This is an important subject. If you marry another who has no faith the chance that this marriage will last is slim.

You go on to say, that both parents from both families think that you two will make a nice couple.

One family is of the Catholic religion and the other is not of any religion. Look up the word strife and see if this applies to you in this matter.

Practicing a religion is not a Christian thing to do. If you really want to get married don't do it in a Catholic Church. Don't have your to be husband pretend to be something that he is not.

Don't let others make the decision for you.

You did not mention anything about God only the Catholic Church. Do you want God to be part of this union?

You are in love and not thinking with your brain.
You need to put God first in your marriage.><>

Answer 4

It is a requirement in most Catholic churches, as well as some basic classes you two will have to take. Your church should have literature on the topic and will be glad to give it to you upon request.

Regardless if he believes or not it's not much to ask to be open-minded about the topic of religion. Does he have specific reservations about converting to Catholicism?

After all the church doesn't expect you to understand or accept *everything* - though they expect you to have faith. That's the most important issue.

By the way, think of this. Does he call himself an Atheist? Or is he just not sure which path is the correct one? There is a difference. Schedule a meeting with your priest and sit down and talk.

Answer 5

Let me warn you - the Church marrying you two is the last thing you need to be worried about. But you'll never get through the counseling. Most Catholic dioces do not recognize marriages between believers & non-believers.

Why, if you believe in the God of the Bible, Catholic or otherwise, would you marry a non-believer????

Don't you think you'll have enough problems in life without choosing to exclude God from your marriage??

Who will your fiance be making his vows to??? What conviction will hold him to them???

The husband is supposed to be the SPIRITUAL head of the household. How do you propse he support & encourage & teach you & your future children when he doesn't believe??

PLEASE don't make this kind of mistake! If you love him that much, don't you want to know that he'll spend eternity with your God?? You can love him best by praying for him.

I WOULD NOT marry this man until he has made a decision for the Lord.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but marrying him will put your own belief, & that of your children, at stake.

Answer 6

You have much bigger issues than whether you can marry in the church. (Though I'm sure your "very religious" family can either answer this for you or ask their priest.) You are considering marrying someone who has a completely different belief system than you. This will become much more important as time goes on and you get past being "madly in love" (which you will.) Children need their parents to give them a moral framework. Multiple choice - especially in their teen years - will likely make the whole idea of morality seem trivial and circumstantial. Not to mention the conflicts of loyalty they will suffer in trying to choose between your beliefs.

Answer 7

No. The sacrament of a Catholic marriage is exclusively for Catholics. Even if his values are, as you claim, Catholic-like. Priests will be violating church rules if they go ahead with marrying you and it will be void from the start. Get married in civil rights first then work on his conversion. Show him the beauty of your religion. Once converted, then go for that church wedding. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 8

--Is Catholic--

First let me suggest that you buy and discuss "CHRISTIANITY FOR MODERN PAGANS by Kreeft". You both should enjoy it.

Second let me say that you are not allowing your children free choice. If you are about letting them make free choices, 16 is completely arbitrary. At the time of the confirmation process (which most likely will be younger than 16), the Church requires that only those who wish to be confirmed be confirmed. So baptize your kids, send them through all the processes of raising them Catholic, and if they do not wish to be confirmed, they do not have to. But if you will have done your job as a parent right, then your kids will understand that true freedom is in belonging to the Church and progressing in the pilgrimage of the Christian life. Do not deny your children knowledge about God and communion with Him. God doesn't judge your kids for that, He judges you.

Catholic can marry non-Catholics

Essentially you husband would be marrying into the Catholic Faith. Mixed faith marriages can be tricky especially if one of the spouse is more into their faith than the other. Do not be surprised if the religious differences become more pronounced over time. It might not be important now, but after children enter into the picture and raising them Catholic becomes a reality, it can get rough. Contrary to popular opinion, raising your kids in dual faiths tends to create agnostics/atheists not more religious people. That is why the Church insists that her children be raised only Catholic.

First Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholics, (first though you need to get the local bishop's permission for a mixed cult marriage. It is easy talk to your parish priest.) I highly recommend that you and your boyfriend sit down and read the book of Ruth and the Song of Songs (Canticle of Canticles) right away. That will give you a basic scriptural understanding of how important marriage is and how the faith question is resolved.

Here is the basic list to get the ok to get the dispensation of form,

1. Have to go through Catholic marriage prep.
2. Be willing to practice the Catholic understanding of marital relations (ie no condoms).
3. Be open to having children when God gives them to you.
4. Understand and accept that the marriage lasts until the death of the spouse (no divorcing and remarrying while the spouse lives).
5. Promise to not try to convert your spouse away from Catholicism.
6. Promise to not impede in any way your spouse's obligations to the Catholic Faith and the growth of their spiritual life.
7. Promise to have your children baptized Catholic within a few weeks of their birth.
8. Promise to raise your children in and ONLY IN the Catholic Faith.
9. Promise to not impede in any way your children's obligations to the Catholic Faith and the growth of their spiritual life.

There are other issues but the priest through marriage prep will deal with them.

It is important to note that the Catholic cannot get married without the dispensation from form if the ceremony doesn't take place in a Catholic Church. This would not be considered a sacramental marriage and the Catholic would have placed himself outside of communion with the Church.

Also it is not allowed to have two ceremonies

Canon 1127 §3.
It is forbidden to have another religious celebration of the same marriage to give or renew matrimonial consent before or after the canonical celebration according to the norm of §1 [i.e., the Catholic wedding]. Likewise, there is not to be a religious celebration in which the Catholic who is assisting and a non-Catholic minister together, using their own rites, ask for the consent of the parties.


A NOTE: If your local priest doesn't go through the above numbered steps during the marriage prep, he is not up on his duties and it would be benefitual to locate a better priest. At the time of marriage, not believing in those things brings into question the validity of the marriage especially if one, either openly or in secret intends to do directly the opposite.

To learn more about the catholic faith at a very easy level please see

http://www.scripturecatholic.com...
http://www.catholic.com

If you want something more advanced (but not by much) try
Encyclopedia of Catholic Doctrine by Shaw
Church History by Laux
The Founding of Christendom by Carroll

Answer 9

He doesn't have to convert..but he would have to be counseled by a Priest for several weeks first. But probably not! Find a Man that is a Believer...God tells us to shun the unbeliever as it will set a BAD example and cause many problems in the future. Why would any child of yours be confirmed if DAD is an Unbeliever...don't underestimate Satan's insidious ways of keeping family members from GOD! Remember this is HIS and your future Children's IMMORTAL SOULS we are talking about!!!

Answer 10

Traditionally, the Catholic church forbade marriages between a Catholic and a non-Catholic (regardless of Christian denomination or lack thereof)...

Nowadays, this is not so certain. Many exceptions have been made regarding this matter that there is the possibility that it would be permitted...