How to tell him? Catholics plz.?

Question

I have a boyfriend, and I love him to death. He is theman that all my friends and I have ever wanted and more. But I am really feeling pulled towards a religious life as a cloistered nun. How do I tell him that when I am 18, I might be leaving him for a convent? We met through the church we go to, and I know that he is open to being a priest, so he might understand a litlle bit better than other guys. Should I just come out and say it, or should I kind of build up to it in a convo?

I am NOT breaking up with him, just informing him of my discernment.

Answer 1

--is Catholic--

Cloistered nun is not a typical thought for young women so I would suggest treating this pull seriously. I would suggest talking with your priest and perhaps visiting with some orthodox nuns in your area. This will help you sort things out in your head, give you options, and help you to understand what God is calling you to do.

For your boyfriend, I would suggest being open and honest with him. That is always a good policy. You do not want to lead him on as well. Handle it as is best for him and your friendship with him, but do handle it.

Because evil spirits like to play games with people that do have real vocations, when you talk to your priest, nuns, etc. about feeling a pull, also mention your b/f and how you need to figure things out there as well. Be careful about your sentiments and letting things get too carried away when you are on dates with your b/f.

Also I would like to say that this is not a decision between becoming a cloistered nun and marrying your b/f. Your options are greater than that, don't let things get put into such a line of reasoning. What you want to do is to seek after God not after the cloister or after your b/f. God will lead you in the right direction, either to the cell, to a ring, or to something else.

Answer 2

Since you aren't breaking up with him at this point, but simply discerning your calling, that's all you need to tell him. Tell him that you are discerning whether or not God is calling you to religious life. As you said, he's thought of the priesthood, so he will most likely understand the importance of this. Depending on how he reacts, you two can take it from there. Maybe you may seperate for awhile, if that's what seems best for both of you.

You didn't say how old you are, but if you are feeling a pull towards the convent, you should get in touch with some religious communities and see if they offer discernment weekend retreats, if they can offer spiritual direction for you, and the like. If you are trying to figure our your calling, talking to a woman who is already a nun could be very helpful. Any convent will have a sister who is in charge of vocations and can help you get a better idea of how to discern your vocation. Also talk to your priest.

I'll warn you right now - if you aren't 18 yet, many communities will tell you to wait before even becoming a postulant. In fact, be careful if any group or community tries to rush you into joining and doesn't require you to spend significant time discerning if this is your vocation.

Answer 3

I don't think any of us can answer this for you. We do not know you or him. It may in fact take some of the steam out of your decision. When stuff builds up inside, it becomes bigger than it really is. On the other hand, it could put a barrier between you that is unnecessary.

Is God calling you to the religious life or the married life? We cannot help you. You should see your priest and talk with him. You should also talk with religious women about this. Ironically, I am seeing a ton of religious women this weekend at an annual pilgrimmage in Uniontown PA. If the question is still open, I will amend my answer and see if they have anything to add.

One more thing, very rarely do relationships among high school students survive. It is because our society demands a lot from a relationship and high school relationships rarely have the maturity at their start to make that leap. Of the thousands of people I have known with high school relationships, I have only known two people to have married and stayed married. All the others either broke up around graduation or divorced if they married.

Answer 4

I'm not a Catholic anymore, but I had a couple of great-aunts that were nuns and absolutely the sweetest ladies. My dad was also an ex-brother. So I'm not going to Catholic bash here.

I'm a Christian, married with kids, but if I were a Catholic and had it all to do over again, I might want to join a cloister, too.
Wonderful to have all that time to pray to Jesus and to meditate, read inspirational literature, SING ALL THAT GLORIOUS WORSHIP MUSIC SIX TIMES A DAY, pray intensely for people and the world, live and work in community with like-minded souls...but if you are the least little bit attracted to men, are you sure that this would be the life for you? My mom and I both figure we would have made better nuns than cooks, but we try to add lots of Bible study and God-talk into our days. So we are sort of like half-nuns/half-wives.

I know though, that many enter the religious life, knowing that they could have had families, and they still feel they've chosen the right path. Have you read the book, "In this House of Brede?" by Rumer Godden. There is a character in it who breaks off an engagement to go into the convent and NOBODY understands why she did it. Even the nuns have their doubts, but it all works out in the end....Maybe you and your boyfriend could read it together. It would be a springboard for discussing what it might be like for either one of you to go the route of the religious life.

Answer 5

Honestly I would wait until the subject of what you want to be after school comes up. I mean you will be talking about many subjects now including what your goals are in life. It looks like he already has told you his goals. Maybe if you want to do it then talk about his goals and see how he feels and then let him know what your goals are. It really depends on how long you have known him too. I mean you don't want to tell him early in the relationship because you should be concentrating on other things. Like building a friendship to go with that boyfriend. Make sure things are going to even work out for you guys to stay together more than a month or two before you start talking about long term goals. You really never know, you might change your mind later on down the road and decide to be a teacher in Sunday school or something else with the church. Good luck!

Answer 6

Our local convent sponsors some weekends where
teen girls can come and stay with them to experience
their life and ministry. Check into this in your area.
It would give you a better idea of if God is leading
you to this life. There isn't any pressure on the
girls at all. It's not a life for everyone!

Answer 7

It's your life you should do what you like. I think you should get a college degree first because the church will leave you with nothing if you should change your mind some day.
Tammi Dee

Answer 8

When the time is right in your heart and u will know then u can tell him, just let him know that you are not breaking up with him no matter what.

Answer 9

Pray, pray, pray...

Find a good spritual director and discuss it.

Tell your friend that you are in a process of discernment.

Pray, pray, pray.... especially in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

Answer 10

You can always join a Christian church, serve in it, and be married. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married AND serve the Lord.