Well folks, he is not going anywhere. I have pleaded with my mom to get rid of him. I am 24 and live on my own so I no longer have to deal with him, but I have an 8yr old sister and 11yr old brother who do. He is not quite as bad as he used to be (not as crazy/homicidal/manic depressive/bipolar/wife beater), but I always find myself bad mouthing him, even when my siblings are around. Granted, he is still is an @$$, and is very lazy/manipulative/emotionally abusive towards my mom, sister, and brother. What do I do? I can't avoid him, and I have a hard time not saying anything when he is acting up when I am around.
2006-08-30 16:25:31 · 12 answers · asked by honk2goose 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He has been around for 12 years now. He is my little brother and sister's real dad.
2006-08-30 16:47:03 · update #1
Man...that is a difficult situation to be in.
First let me say this....it is unhealthy to be in an abusive situation of any sort.
As far as your acceptance of him.....
You are expecting him to act with kindness and decency towards your sibs and your mom. He is not going to act that way. HE IS AN ABUSER. He will act the way he has been acting. I think the question you will have to ask yourself would be how many buttons of yours are you going to let him push? The one that can push your buttons is the one that controls you. If he is constantly pushing your buttons then he has the control. Abusers thrive on control.
So why do you have to accept him? You don't! you just have to treat him with some respect. When he acts up and you are around, you should get your coat and leave. You are in his house and you can't change what occurs in his house. If you do not like what is occurring keep your stay short. When you say something, it could result in a power struggle and it might make things worse for your mom and siblings. Dowhtyou can to remain peceful while you are around him.
2006-08-30 17:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by cbellsew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess your mom has made a choice and it sounds like a bad one. First thing first, make sure if he does go off physically when your around, U have some type of protection, U know what I mean. All U can do is accept what your mom has done and now your main goal should be to make sure nothing bad happens to your family. Let him know this, tell him why U hate him and let him know hes dead if anything happens to your family. And keep letting your mom know what a bad decision she has made and until hes gone or changes for good, your relationship with her will not be the best it could be. Just dont let any of your anger be projected toward your brother and sister, U might not know U are but they might feel fault for whatever reason. Good Luck.
2006-08-30 16:40:58 · answer #2 · answered by Later Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices, as I see it. First, stay away from your stepfather completely, which may cost you the rest of your family. You are not 'accepting him for the sake of your famiily' you are accepting him to keep your mom from disowning you, be honest. Your second choice is to report him to Children's Protective Services. You will feel better about the second choice, but I warn you, it is not likely to get very far. At least you have documented his abuse and when the next person calls CPS (and they will) there will be a prior complaint to go on. Good luck to you, God bless you and your family.
2006-08-30 16:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by swarr2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought of turning him in to social services? I mean, I don't know what it would do for your mom as she will apparently still stay with him, but stuff like that can make your sister grow up with a low self-esteem, and more likely to be with someone like him when she grows up, and not do anything about it. And for your brother, if he grows up around someone who is abusive, he MAY become abusive himself. Not saying this is absolutely true in your case, but it has happened. So just a thought, for their sakes get them help.
2006-08-30 16:38:26 · answer #4 · answered by amy dawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sorry to hear about this happen to your family. I suggestion you log on to this websit: www.family.gov.sg/stopfamily violence.
From there you will know how to deal with it. Here some helplines you can call :Family Service Centre (1800-8380100) Family & Juvenile Justice Centre (6435 5077) (SOS) 24 hrs daily (1800-2214444)
Family voilence is when your family memeber konwingly hurts you through any physical, emotional,psycological or sexual acts, harasses and / or confine you. It is unacceptable. You are not alone in your struggle. If you need help, they are here for you.
2006-08-30 17:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by Phoebe C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask you a question. Who do you think the looser is? your stepfather or your mother? A mother that would put her children throught that, it is unconceiveble. I am very sorry your mother does not know who is more important. Is not your fault nor your responsability for your little brother and sister. They are your mother's moral responsability. Now that you are an adult, you should have a talk with her.
2006-08-30 16:35:01 · answer #6 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you around him? here is the deal you live on your own, your mom sister and brother can come visit you when ever they want right? i would tell mom that im not coming over to be around him anymore i have trash to take out at my house. you can be that mean if you want. and if he comes to your house dont open the door. its your house after all. and well i understand not wanting to make life hard on your mom and bro and sis especially your bro and sis as they didnt make the choice to stay around him your mom did.
2006-08-30 16:29:35 · answer #7 · answered by gsschulte 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i assume you acquire the settlement from a criminal expert, you likely do no longer might desire to have him sign it, if it required to be legally separated the place you reside, you've got the skill to get a choose to renowned the order or have the skill to easily placed up it on the court docket residing house wall etc, i might additionally get a restraining order on the comparable time to instruct your sincerity and save him out of the residing house. circulate forward and get a custody order and temp help order to boot (in case you have little ones). in case you have not got or can no longer cope with to pay for and lawyer, the court docket will possibly have the varieties and you will in elementary terms might desire to fill them out and set an visual attraction date....
2016-09-30 04:51:02 · answer #8 · answered by kroner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant do nuthing about it, your mom is the one who can stop it. if he is abusive your mom is proubly scared of him and wont say anything or do anything to stop it. your brother and sister has no choice to be there cause your mom says so. if you know abuse is going on you need to contact the police or child services. your mom will proubly be mad at you but think about it...do you want your brother and sister to go threw this????? its not there fault, they cant help but to be there...you know they dont like it but they cant help there selves, if its really bad do something to help them, in the end your mom will thank you to. she is proubly scared of him so its up to you to help them out of a situation that can and proubly will end up in a diaster. help them befor its to late.
2006-08-30 16:51:19 · answer #9 · answered by countryrose24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stand up for yourself. show that you are strong. and if you're not strong, get strong. you're 24. you don't have to put up with that. and if he does start his crap, just say "whatever" and leave. bullies need to be able to exert themselves upon others. bullies don't like people who are strong and can stand up for themselves. they aren't good targets. and by you doing so, you set an example for the others. once he can't bully others around, his true colors will be exposed. (speaking from personal experience)
2006-08-30 16:34:02 · answer #10 · answered by gothhick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋