Is it normal that my fiance has his parents name on his main account even after we get married?

Question

My fiance is White, Catholic & 37 years old who lives with his parents. He helps his parents around the house alot. He said since he travels alot 4 his work he has their name on his account so that they can pay his bills & deposit his checks when he is out of town. He has his Moms name as the primary benificery for his Roth IRA account. Today I saw 4 boxes of check book in his room. So I asked him if he would still have their name on his account & he said he would & the money I am earning he would open up another account with mine & his name. I asked him if he doesn't trust me with finances. He said he trusts me. Since he travels alot all the mail would go to his parents house & he will keep the account the way it is. He told me in his culture married people do have their parents name on their account. I am 34, Catholic & East Indian. He also wants to wait on having kids after marriage. Do you think he wants things this way so that he can bail out if things don't work out?

Answer 1

I really have never heard of that. I live in a white dominated/catholic community and I have never heard of having parents on the account. I'm 20 and I dont have my parents on my account. I think that is just a way of letting you know he may not fully trust you with finances, but he trusts you somewhat. The kids after marriage makes sense, many couples do that. I do find it weird he keeps his parents on his accounts though.

Answer 2

Sounds like the umbilical cord was never cut. I have never heard of ANY culture where the man still allows his parents to control parts of his life. Women, yes, but not men.

I understand to an extent why he was still living at home and letting his mother handle his finances before. I don't agree or approve, but that's not really my business.

Since you are his wife and he is living with you now, the parents need to come off the bank accounts. If something were to happen, you don't need his parents trying to run your life too because they have control over his finances and you can't access the money without them.

If you are expected to put your hard earned money in his name, then he needs to give you the same courtesy. Either have two separate accounts or one joint. I wouldn't allow him to have access to my money if he was still keeping some of his back from me.

Maybe you could suggest each of you having separate savings and a joint checking for household expenses. That way each of you is contributing to the bills and other common expenses, and you would also have your own money.

The choice to wait on children is not uncommon. And it's also a good idea until you two have worked out your other issues.

Whatever you two decide, please do your best to get his parents out of your finances and the rest of your marriage. It should be a union of two people, not four.

Answer 3

First off, he needs to grow up. I live with my Mom since my divorce and she is not on any of my accounts. I am Catholic, White, and 34 y/o. I have never heard of this being a cultural thing. Once your married, any financial accounts should be under your names and nothing with his parents names. His parents have their own money! Besides you can pay the bills and he would need to get an address change unless your going to be living with his parents. I hope all goes well for you....

Answer 4

Save yourself some heartache and don't marry this mama's boy. His parents are going to keep managing his finances, after you get married, doesn't that seem bizarre to you? This is not how a normal marriage works and I wouldn't marry him. If you do decide to marry him, I wouldn't open a joint account with him. He doesn't sound trustworthy.

As for the whole travel thing, that's bogus. Ever heard of direct deposit and Internet banking? I can pay my bills from wherever I am whenever they're due.

Answer 5

Girl...you better get out now. Its not too late! That is a disaster waiting to happen. His culture is Mama's boy...and that is just what he is. First of all, there is no reason a 37 year old man should be living at home with his mama and daddy. You can help out your parents and not live with them. If & when you two got married, you would be taking care of the bills while he is traveling. Are you gonna live with his parents after yall get married?!!?!?! Too much in laws is a bad thing on both sides. Look at Ray (Everybody loves Ray!) tee hee. Seriously...he's got a problem. a BIG one!

And the thing with the kids....you two aren't spring chickens!

Good luck!

Answer 6

Where to begin....The first thing that caught me a little off gurad aside from the fact that your soon to be husband plans to keep his mother on his checking account is the fact that he said that you two could open up an accoung with the two of your names on it for YOUR earnings...thats just not fair...Why should he have access to the money that you earn if you dont have access to the money that he earns...and furthermore...it shouldn't be his money and your money it should be "OUR" money...That just wouldn't fly with me...Not because I would want to go out and blow all of his hard earned money...but just because I wouldnt want my mother-in-law in control of the bill paying and finances in my family...If he does in fact trust you, he should remove his mother from his account and add your name in her place...Same goes for the Roth IRA...She shouldn't be the benificery...You should...at least when you become his wife...Im not saying that he is doing this for an easy way out in case things dont work out...but it does sound fishy...I feel that a couples fiances are a personal thing...His mother shouldnt know how much money the two of you have or what bills you have and all of that...thats just not normal...Maybe you can talk to your soon to be husband and explain to him how this makes you feel...Maybe if he sees that you are upset by this matter he will gladly make things right...

As far as the kids go...Him not wanting to have children until after marriage is normal...thats nothing to be upset about...You want to make sure the two of you can hold a marriage together before bringing a child into the mix...

I hope things work out for the two of you!!

Answer 7

Not in this life time would my husband. A Catholic should know you leave your parents & cleave under your wife. If you are not on his account, why in the world would you put him on your account with your check? My parents have never been on my account, not even when I was 16 & they had to sign for me to have an account. He is lying to you & tell him a 51 year old , white , Christian woman said so. Oh my husnad said to add a
54 yr old white Christian man said so too! Shame on him for blaming his culture for his lies. Yes I do think he is covering all bases & I am not sure he is not after your money too. Do you have a good job & make decent money? Be careful & take care!

Answer 8

It doesn't sound fishy, he sounds lazy. All four of you (him, you, parents) would have to go to the bank and remove them from the account. Then you will have to be added to the account, and new checks will need to be ordered. Then he'll need to change the mailing address for his checks and whatnot to the address where you'll be, so that you can do the depositing. It's a fair amount of legwork, and I think he just doesn't want to do it.

Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait to have kids, especially if he travels a lot. Why have a child you'll never see?

Answer 9

This is NOT a normal practice in our white culture! If a man keeps his parent's name on his accounts after he is married, something is WRONG! There is no way you should marry this man; he sounds like a control freak and a mama's baby. Get out while the getting is good. You will have no freedom after marriage, if he doesn't control you then his mother will!

Answer 10

He sounds like a Momma's boy! I'm not sure I would trust him.
I have known alot of Catholic men and this doesn't sound normal to me. Never heard of one with his parents name on checking accounts. Not only that but you are going to be his wife, why should you share 'his income' with his mother and father?
Sorry, but it doesn't make any sense to me because you aren't going to be travelling for your job, so you can pay all the bills. Personally I wouldn't have 'any' of that!