My daughter has very low self esteem. I would like to know something we can do together to raise it. She is 26

Question

She is meeting people online and they are not the most wonderful prospects, if ya know what I mean. The lastest robbed her. She has a five year old that is incredible. She doesn't seem to think past her own lonliness. Help.

Answer 1

Something you can do on your own is to simply visualize her doing well - meeting nice men, being outgoing, loving her life and wonderful child. The more clearly you can see it the more likely (and quickly) it will happen. Spend 3-5 minutes 1-3 times per day doing this and you will see some results in a week or 2. I try to do my visualilzing just before bed and when I wake up and then any other time of day I think about it.

I also can say that I have recently joined a Mother's Club in my area - even joined the board with them - and it has done wonders for me. I am meeting more people than ever - granted they are mostly women, but I don't think I have ever felt so good and empowered in all my life (my kids are 6 & 3).

I can't think of something you can do together - maybe take a class, something she would be good at, or go on vacation with your granddaughter too. I wish you luck and blessings!

Peace!

Answer 2

Best thing to raise any woman's spirit, a makeover! A new haircut and shopping for new clothes can make a girl feel like a new person. Maybe you could get a babysitter for the day and have a mom and daughter day out? You can also stop by a department store and get new makeup tips, have a nice lunch somewhere, and maybe even go to a spa if you feel up for the expense.

She probably is most comfortable with people online because you can meet them without appearance being a factor. If she feels better about how she looks, she should be more willing to go out and meet people in person, maybe even join a class of some sort.

Sounds superficial at first, but simple physical changes are a great way to get the ball rolling. She's very lucky to have such a concerned and caring mother. Good luck!

Answer 3

wow that's a shame.

I think your daughter could use a little help...She may be in a slight depression being a single mom of a 5 year old.

First and foremost she needs to cut off online dating 100%

Building self-esteem is a daunting task.

She needs a good support group around her telling her positive things about her.

One good tool is to have her write on a piece of paper all of the things that she likes about herself, then on another page, have her write what she hates about herself.

This could help you get to the core problem of her self-esteem.

She needs to start loving herself and become stronger as a woman. She owes this to her liitle guy...He is the priority. Women with self-esteem issues pick the worst men because they feel they can't get any better, and your little girl desreves the best.

He's out there, but not until she starts loving the person she sees in the mirror.

I wish I could do more.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

My Daughter has the same problem. She is so wrapped up in trying to find someone to love her for what she is, that she looks right past the people in her life that always have, and always will do just that, including her kids. It is a form of selfishness. My Daughter was an only child for the first 10 years of her life. She has never been able to realize that people are not going to be able to baby her and focus on her for her entire life. Nothing like the love of your child, and the way they look at you to boost your selfd esteem. Kids make you feel like King. If they don't, you aren't paying close enough attention. Just my opinion.

Answer 5

It's going to take some time, even under the best circumstances, but before anything can even get started, she has to want to change. SHE has to decide whether there needs to be a change - all you can do 'til then is try to show her this as being the case. You have to put on the kid gloves cuz she'll see you coming a mile away with your sit-down talks. She's probably had them before. There'll have to be a lot of back and forth, not just talking on your part. I would start with the classic "Whenever you have a minute, I'd like to talk to you." At best, a first conversation like that would open her eyes or awake her out of her lethargy enough for her to sleep on. Sometimes it just takes a triggering element, you know? But this'll be an ongoing "therapy" of sorts; no one talk will fix the problem. She's gotta find hobbies, get off the Net, go out with real people - perhaps in a different circle of aquaintances. Help her find an interest that'll entice her to go out and meet different people. For instance, visiting museums, trying out various restaurants, learning an instrument, getting her to sing in a band, volunteering to some charitable organisation; maybe she's got an eye for photography? Painting? She much of a writer? Good novels need writing you know. Anyway, you'll think of something. She's obviously in a rut, and she needs to shake things out. Find something you like in common - Barry Manilow, whatever it is you like. (I'm teasing you.) Go out together (if she'll allow to be seen with her mother, or is she past that?) She's gotta see new faces, meet new people, make new friends, and above all give her leverage to get off the Net and the Losers Dating Circle she's been frenquenting with her patronage. Help her join a 12-step program if she needs one. They have them for Internet addiction. Look it up. Encourage her on this, the staying busy thing, cuz you care enough for her to want to see her through this and out of the love of a mother, you don't want to just drop the ball on her front step and walk away. Help her see her own resources. Who's raising this kid? Her? Is she spending more time online and trying to score guys than she is spending with her boy?

Also - you gotta love that boy like he's your own. He needs a mother and it doesn't sound like she's there for him. That's sad. Love that boy. Hug him and hold him a lot. The touchy thing is important. Love is shown. What's more, and most importantly, if you're a praying woman: pray. I'll pray for your little family over there - you, she, the kid, etc. But prayer is so strong, few people realize it for reasons X Y and Z, but don't let that deter you. Your daughter is going to need a lot of prayer to break that nasty slump she's in, and I'll be right there doing it with you.

God bless you all.

Answer 6

ok
most self esteem issues or strong points are formed durring a childs most formative years, 0-6... what happened to her durring that time??
was she "dumped" in day care???
was she feeling like you prefered her siblings more? (very common for older siblings to feel you like the younger ones in particular)

ask yourself these tough questions.. then talk to her about it... if you live in denial she will always carry some resentment that she may not even be aware of or want to talk to you about...its ok to say to her "sorry we made some mistakes and wish we could have done it all differently... we love you dearly and want whats best for you"

she is feeling despirate for a man.. why?? I felt the same way when I was younger (I am 41 now) because my parents made a subtle suggestion that woman should be married.. all fairy tales say the same thing and TV shows at the time too... single women are raised to feel like if they are single they are loosers...
anyhow I left jerk #1 (druggie and alchoholic) when he turned physically abusive and met my first husband - the relationship was ok but not ideal.. he died 7 years ago

I wasnt despirate, I no longer felt like I NEEDED a man... I was suddenly a different person.. not weak...

3 years ago I found a chat room (ONLINE) and met a man whom I married just over 2 years ago.. not all people you meed on line are loosers, like you implied - last year we bought 10 acres and critters to go with it.. and are happy...

she will have to overcome alot but you can help her.. in general society has to stop making women feel like loosers if they are single

Answer 7

I think the best thing for her to do at this point is to get some counseling. Low self esteem can be a major life issue, and usually has a lot to do with previous events in a person's life. She also needs to realize that by meeting people online and bringing them into her life, she is putting her child at risk too. That, in and of itself, can have many negative consequences including harm to herself and the child; and having authorities getting involved. Get her to a counselor.

Answer 8

Im not an expert...just a normal 22 y/o.I have been thru periods in my life where I was REALLY low in confidence and knew people who were going thru the same thing as well. It takes time to find people to relate to. It helps if they aren't family. If she has a very low self-esteem she's going to have to find a way to raise it herself or someone special to help her. A simple compliment (especially from a person of the opposite sex) can go a long way in boosting one's self-esteem. Just let her know you're there for her and compliment her.

Answer 9

Im sorry,
but you have got to tell her that before she can be with/love someone, she HAS TO LOVE HERSELF.
it isnt gonna work if your desperate,
it isnt gonna work if you hate yourself.

decent self esteem takes time, but tell her to do things that are more rewarding to her and give her self esteem. chasing after people and meeting them does not.

there is also a word I'd like to put in about how she chooses mates, if the last one robbed her then she has got to look at who she allows to get close to her.


also, a counselor would be a WONDERFUL help, sometimes we are so close to the situation that we cant see past our selfs to the real situations. A person who is not "in it" has a better chance of seeing it.

Answer 10

Perhaps you could do some activities with her like working out together, or taking a class or some type of activity that involves all three of you. I really feel like getting involved with positive people is the best remedy for low self esteem and really winning back that self confidence, and self worth.