I have a sister who is extremely jeolous of me because I am alot more successful then she is. I always did the right thing when it came too getting an education and having boyfriends. She dropped out of school in the 9th grade and got pregnant at an early age (14) and was just screwed up from that point on.
Whenever I come around she is sarcastic and has something negative to say about me. I am married now for 10yrs. and she is not and she seems to have a problem with that too. I want to love her but I am at a point where I can't take it anymore and I totally been ignoring her. If we have family get togethers I do not go to avoid her. Could someone please tell me, what should I do?
2006-08-30 15:27:48 · 11 answers · asked by Vicky 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As one who really hasn't seen her older brother other than for funerals or weddings the past 11 years I understand what you are going through.
Your sister is jealous because you are successful in ways that she is not and she's more mad at herself for screwing up than she is at you. But she knows her negative comments and being nasty gets to you so that's why she does it.
My older brother resents and resented me because I was the disabled child and for my formative years needed personal attention ,going to doctors appts etc. My brother is six and half years my senior, however he's still in the smothers brothers routine of mum always liked you best. Not that she did , but when she became ill I was the one to care for her- he said since he was married he had other obligations all well and good , although she was his mother too. So now he resents me because I took care of her and when she died got the house and its contents in payment for giving up my career to care for her.
For my mental health and I suspect his it's probably better neither of us sees each other. My sil is the meddling type and she stirs up all the old annimosities so I just don't see them unless I have to.
Sometimes it works out that way. You makes your choices and you live with them.
2006-08-30 15:37:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I have been both places. My cousin is very jealous of my because she is in a divorce and I am happy in my relationship...she makes the conversation ALL about her and her problems and get rather upset when I talk about mine.
I used to jealous of my sister. She always was more smart and successful.... everything just went her way. Then things changed. She is still successful...and still got the degree that I always wanted and never obtained. But I can honestly say I make a lot more than she does and that I AM 100% happy for her and know that one day she will probably "top" me and THAT'S OK. She and I are two different people and good things can happen to me too. My mom always took up for my older sister(weird huh?) and my mom sees that now and that caused some discord between me and my sis. We worked it out. Grew up and got over it.
Now..about your situation...I dont' know the whole situation granted and I know how jealous people can be, but I just noticed the first paragraph in your question and it just "seemed" that you put her down a little bit. yeah she got pregnant and dropped out of HS, but those mistakes are over and she probably KNOWS they were mistakes and is acting out because she doesn't probably wish she had made those. Just try to be supportive to her. YES your feelings do matter and after you try to be supportive and she still is acting that way - there is NOTHING you can do. You shouldn't ever have to defend what you have WORKED HARD FOR to anyone. You may end up needing to love her at a distance. You can only take so much too. Just try to be supportive and talk to her about what she is doing to you. It's never postivie to lose a sis and I wouldn't want that for you, or anyone.
I hope you can work it out!
: )
2006-08-30 22:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Mekayla 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For other people, their self esteem won't allow them to have the love they want and they keep jealousy with them all the time as a wedge between the pain they are experiencing now and what they want for themselves.
There are lots of other reasons why people don't heal the jealousy issues in their lives such as fear of changing, past experiences and unhealed pain.
This is an advice for your sister,this might help her:
In order to overcome jealousy, you sometimes have to be courageous and act boldly (mostly with yourself.) You're going to have to become much better at expressing yourself with clear open, honest and clear communication.
To heal your jealousy, it's also going to require you to do some things and face some issues head on that may be difficult to do. You have to learn to see and believe that your past does not equal your future.
I know you can help her..
2006-08-30 22:52:46 · answer #3 · answered by Jezeree 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that we all someone who is jealous of us. My sister-in-law is the jealous one with me. She can't stand the fact that I am financially secure. (Not wealthy by any means.) I decide I want to go somewhere or move somewhere and I am gone. I don't have anything to hold me down. I have no children, so I have been foot loose and Fancy free for many years. I was recently married, but unfortunately my husband passed away due to a massive heart attack. I do receive his pension plus I work two jobs. No reason to sit around all day. Now I have decided to move out of state once again. So she trying to start fights once again. This has only been going on for 26 years. My brother hasn't called me in 23 years. Yes we have spoken, but only at family affairs. I rarely go to them just so I don't have to deal with her. She drives me crazy... I always tell my parents go and enjoy yourself, I have had Christmas alone now for over 19 years. While they go out there and let her try to control things. Isn't just nuts....
I shouldn't say alone I should say with friends who love me for who I am... Thank God for them.
Good Luck...
2006-08-30 22:50:31 · answer #4 · answered by cinson1999 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah i have my older brother who is very jealous of me and my fiancee Ryan. I have always achieved more then him or had the will too. So when my brother got married it wasnt a big deal thing because we knew it would go down the drain and they werent capatiable...She was wacked out. So when me and ryan started dating my mom always gave him things and paid more attention to him but then again he helped all the time around her house. So now that me and ryan are getting married my mom wants ryan to have my dads wedding band. Who has recently passed away. I know that would eat my brother alive but he is 20 living at my moms house with no steady job and no education. Thank god she is kicking him out for good
2006-08-30 22:37:26 · answer #5 · answered by DrakeE 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your sisters jealousy is understandable...I have been on both ends of this type of situation, you shouldnt hold her past mistakes against her. I also know how it feels to have someone jealous towards you, even if you try every way in the world to let them know that you arent trying to compete with them they try to compete with you over everything because they may be hurt about the choices they made ... ignore the behavior, and if it keeps up try to talk to her about your issues. Let her know that you love her but she hurts you when she makes hurtful remarks. Support her and Encourage her all that you can because she needs that kind of sisterly influence. My sister in law is jealous of me, she got pregnant at sixteen, ran off and got married is divorced and flunked out of college. She uses our kids to compete because the grandparents show favoritism towards her child. I just ignore her behavior and this pretty much tells her that Im not going to play her little games, I still love my sister in law but sometimes its better that I distance myself from her. Because distance makes the heart grow fonder as they say. I also encourage her in all aspects of her life and offer advice when she asks for it. When she tries to make jealous remarks I just nod my head and let it go in one ear and out the other. Unless its about my kids then I just compliment my children and I dont put hers down. You know you have a successful life so dont let her get you down. Once she knows its getting to you she wont stop until you ignore her behavior. Eventually she'll stop if she knows she cant get to you. Above all love your sister... Even if she does get on your last nerve. Just love her from a distance if you have to, and if you do this and the behavior continues, I would sit down and talk to her about why she feels the need to do the things that she does. Sometimes they dont realize that they are making remarks or trying to make themselves look better or that what she is doing is bothering you.
2006-08-30 22:42:22 · answer #6 · answered by hearts_bleed_dark 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you tried telling her how you feel and asking her what is wrong? you shouldn't ignore your whole family because of her, family is very important. when you are around her don't let her know that it bothers you and try to avoid her.
2006-08-30 22:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by just me and my crew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do my sisters are all jealous n so is my brother bc i got what they dont have and bc i am doin well with my life and i have nice things and they are not liven so well ..dont worry bout them they are haters dont feel bad bc u choose to do something with ur life n they dient
2006-08-30 22:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by devil_queen_biatch14 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister-in-law is jealous of my husband because their dad spends more money on him!
2006-08-30 22:30:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
dont let her worry you just go and be yourself if she is jealous thats her problem
2006-08-30 22:31:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋