My fiance's family is much much bigger than mine (he has tons of extended family.) What is the right way not to invite them? And if they ask about the wedding what do you tell them?
2006-08-30 12:22:57 · 32 answers · asked by krissy4711 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I wouldn't not invite them to be mean. It's just that my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding so they can't afford that many people.
2006-08-30 12:29:24 · update #1
XXXXXXXXXXX Treat others as you'd like to be treated. XXXXXXXX
2006-08-30 12:26:00 · answer #1 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Have your fiance call everybody that's not on the guest list before the wedding and explain that while you would love to have them there, you are only having close friends and family. He doesn't have to mention money if he doesn't want to. Just let them know that a smaller wedding was what you two decided on. They will understand. Make sure you include them the next time you two plan a party so that they know they are loved and still a part of the family.
Maybe his parents could host a post-wedding party for you, and invite them all. They could still have a chance to celebrate with you without the expense of a formal affair.
2006-08-31 12:14:43 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no polite way to not invite someone, I know how you feel, we just got married and we had the same problem. If they are extended family like second cousins just tell them that you needed to be fair to your family too that you couldn't invite everyone because you wouldn't be able to afford it. We just made a maximum of people who could afford for the wedding and divided the no. between us. So two hundred then he got 100 to invite and so did I, that is everyone friends, family, friends of the family, etc. He did his invite list and I did mine. It helped because this way it was his choice and knew how to deal with those people on his non attenders list and I knew how the people would deal with it from my side, it takes some of the pressure off, kinda. Good luck and congrats!!
2006-08-30 13:52:24 · answer #3 · answered by roxane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you said extended family, I would think that they would be surprised that they HAD been invited, unless his family is very close.
The 50/50 thing just doesn't work. Why? He has more family and you have less. He's obviously going to be inviting more people than you. I would suggest that you decide (1) how many people are being invited, period and (2) who you are inviting.
Don't forget that you are probably going to have to include significant others of people that are included in your wedding party (which may be a way to include his family).
2006-08-30 14:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by DanaElayne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't invite all the family, don't invite any of them except your parents and fiance's parents and any brothers and sisters of the two of you. Then you would tell anyone else you are just having immediate family. Otherwise, there will always be hard feelings and you certainly don't want to live with that. If money is the problem, why not have an outdoor wedding with a buffet dinner, rent a DJ and make everyone happy?
2006-08-30 12:28:42 · answer #5 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. My husband has a HUGE family (probably the biggest in the United States, really *lol*). I have a very small family. My parents paid for our wedding and we budgeted for around 125 people to be there. What we did was we invited people that we were close to, who really knew us, and who we really knew would be there. We told anyone who asked that we invited just people closest to us, and, knowing how large the family was, were not at all offended. That's what I suggest to you: Invite the people you are closest with and just explain to the rest (if asked) that you have budgeted for a smaller, more intimate wedding and they should be understanding.
Also, after the wedding, invest in some wedding announcements and send a photo out with them. We did this, especially with our out of town relatives, and it worked out great....They even started mailing us gifts!!!
2006-08-30 14:08:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is going to be an equal partnership than you should start off by having the total amount of people divided equally 50/50 among your family members. Most family would accept the fact that a small intimate wedding is what you can afford and would be happy if you sent them a special photo of you and your husband after your marriage. Good Luck.
2006-08-30 13:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This situation sounds very familiar! I'm getting married in a week and a half and just went through explaining to people that we are inviting immediate family only. One thing we stayed away from was using the excuse of who we are closest to. I know some people would think they were closer and be offended that I didn't think they were.
Most people we know told us we need to do what is right for us and that they understood. Hopefully true friends will. I guess we'll find out, huh?
Have fun and enjoy the big day!
2006-08-30 14:23:37 · answer #8 · answered by timmyjohnboy1234 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send invites to only those you want to invite and then if anyone else asks say due to financial/space reasons and that we wanted a small wedding we are unable to invite a large number in order to keep our wedding an imitiate and private gathering with just are close family.
2006-08-30 18:22:49 · answer #9 · answered by movin12006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide what "level of family" you are inviting.
Just parents, grandparents and siblings?
Just parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles?
Just parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and your nieces and nephews?
Just parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, your nieces and nephews, and first cousins?
Whatever "circle" (select from the above) you invited from your family, he should get to also invite the equivalent from his family, even if he has 5 uncles and you have one.
If people ask, you should NOT go into detail about who is paying for the wedding, or your plans, or the fucntion hall is too small, or any other reasons they were not invited. You should simply say, "Thank you so much for being so interested. It's actually just going to be a small ceremony." (Miss Manners says even if it's a huge ceremony, the term "small ceremony" should be used any time you are speaking with someone who isn't going to be invited to it.)
People who aren't invited shouldn't be told any details about your wedding plans-- it is rude to tell un-invited people the details, it's like saying, "Nyah, nyah, you're not invited." So tell people to try to keep the details under their hat.
2006-08-30 13:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you can always say you couldnt afford to have a big wedding or you just wanted a small wedding. No matter what some ones feelings are going to be hurt. But on the upside some people will be glad they dont have to spend the time and money on a relative they barely know!
2006-08-30 12:26:33 · answer #11 · answered by InProgress:-) 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋