What do you think of this as an idea for a story?

Question

Millie Blake was born to be a guardian. She's been preparing for it her whole life. When she is given her first assignment she is very excited. The person she is assigned to guide is 19 year old Jason Moore, who is a complete *** hole. At first they don't get on, Jason finds Millie's hanging around annoying. But then they start talking more, Jason talks about his problems and his troubled past. After some time, Millie realises that she really likes Jason, maybe even loves him. After a lustful couple of weeks they end up getting together but face trouble as gurdians are not allowed to be with humans. In the end Millie is discharged as a guardian and is free to live a normal life.

What do you think to this storyline, does it suck?
Do you have any suggestions to make it better?
What should Jasons secret/troubled past be?

I would really like to hear your thoughts/ideas, thanks xxx

btw a guirdian is somone who helps people who are on the wrong path in life, they help people get back on the right one.

Answer 1

Hasn't this been done before? It sounds very familiar.

Answer 2

It would be really useful if you defined what a guardian was.

I was confused if it was a legal guardian or a sort of guardian angel until the second to last sentence. That's way too long to leave someone in the dark, I would have genreally moved on to something else by then. It has to grab you and grab you immediately. Vagueness is not a reliable hook.

As for the story, it was okay. Not great, because it could use some work. Considering that there doesn't seem to be any deep drama or conflict in this story as described, it doesn't seem like a worthwhile read. I pretty much understood the entire story from your description and it doesn't seem practical to read it especially when i know what's going to happen anyway. The storyline is too predictable. It needs more conflict, it needs plot twists, because as of right now it's a tad cookie cutter. Simply having a character with a shady past won't help push the story, unless it comes back to haunt him and his guardian.

I see potential in the work, keep it up.

Answer 3

Are guardians human, and if not are they spirits or what?

Overall it's good, but I would consider changing the ending. I don't want to spoil your book, but I think it would work better as a tragedy, so in some way both people must learn to live apart for their own good. For example, if Jason were to get back onto the right path in life then Millie would have to leave Jason and be assigned to another person, so for Jason's own good they must be apart. Regarding Jason's troubled past he could have been sexually abused, a victim of domestic violence or exposed to something like a shooting at a very young age.

Answer 4

Answers/Opinions:
"What...suck" Interesting about guardian & human interaction is a bit different.
"Do...better" Falls into typical story-line of linking up physically. Guardians are suppose to be focused on other issues?
"What...be" We all have some issues. His need to be unique if to maintain some interest.

Additional notes:
Millie Blake is "born" sounds earthly. Maybe a twist on her evolvement would make it interesting. Does Millie have an age; can she relate to someone only 19 yrs old? Why is she assigned a male and not a female person? Do Millie's managers believe that she is ready to deal with a human of the opposite sex, for she went over the line, right? What is she a guardian of? What is she protecting Jason from? Others? Himself? Circumstances? His future or pre-destination? Can she love him as a person without the physical? It would be more challenging to approach from this angle: Have them teetering on the physical expression without really going there. Would possibly keep the reader in suspense. Most story lines these days are very predictable.

If you decide to be a writer, try to emulate authors that have met the criteria of writing the "classics" that stand out as above the rest. One suggestion that has been made to new writers is to first stick within the paradym of what you have grown up knowing in life. For example: If you're writing about the past, you need to do extensive research about the way life was back then - the terms for everyday items, the language fluctuations and verbage and such to be believable. If you do Sci-Fi, there is more liberal license as to what you can write, so that seems to be the area you are targeted on with your story.

That is why I do not engage in reading too many novels from current authors. Personally, the writings of Charles Dickens are among my favorites, as his writing style focus' more on the settings and moods and subliminal messages & emotions than chit-chat talk talk talk which seems the primary "page filler" of most writers these days. His opening line of "Tale of Two Cities" is thus "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" leaves an imprint on the reader's mind and sets the ENTIRE mood of the story.

These writings describe to the reader the in-depth psychy of the characters, build the characters into real "persons" in the reader's mind. The imagination takes hold, and the reader becomes a part of the story. This takes maturity, years of practicing and being rejected over & over, but most of all - preserverance!

Answer 5

Doesn't sound like something that I would be interested in but I think it is worth pursuing. I think there would be an audience for it. Jason's secret troubled past could be that he was a seriously battered and abused child, maybe that is why he is an @ss. You may be able to focus on how Millie helps him overcome the problems associated with the past.

Answer 6

Sort of sounds like that Nicholas Cage movie. I can't think of the name. Only he was an angel. Maybe you could write about someone who has always wanted to be a missionary type person and go to other countries, then when she gets over there she finds out there is a lot of scams and there is this huge line of deceit about the people, like the kids and everything were fine until the missionaries got there they gave them diseases and things and the innocent little Church girl uncovers the plot and then the guy she met over there and fell in love with who she thought she could trust is really the head of the scam. Sorry just an idea I would like something like that, because a lot of times I think people who collect money for across seas benefit themselves more then there.

Answer 7

honestly? ok here goes
it does not suck
its a nice idea - develop millie a lot more before you bring in jason and get rid of the happy ending if millie wanted this her whole life she is not going to give it up. it would also be unprofessional. jason can have a troubled childhood, passed from foster home to foster home (do some research)

Answer 8

I think your story has potential. Maybe Jason's troubled past could be he was in trouble with the law, Because he was acting up because he came from a broken home. Just an idea, but I do think you should keep working on your story, like I said is really does have potential. Good Luck.

Answer 9

My feedback is that it sounds like a good idea. I found myself wanting to know what Millie will do next after being discharged. If this was on the back of the book as a summary I might buy it. Maybe look into patenting your idea since you are putting in the public view . ..

Answer 10

It reminds me of "City of Angels" as well, that's why I think it is weak. But then again City of Angels was just a weak cheapo American copy of Wim Wender's German masterpiece "Wings of Desire" which was perhaps the best movie ever made.
If the story moves you then write it and don't let anything stand in your way because that is true art. Otherwise, if you will leave it up to strangers here in this mediocre forum I'm afraid to say it will not be good.

Answer 11

yes it sucks cos they will live happily ever after. a very short boring story. jason thinks he may be a closet gay and thats why he's a sh*t at first. then they realise they are made for each other but millie chooses her assignments over him and he tries to commit harry carry from the rooftop but is too much of a whimp so he stalks her and chops her into bits cos he cant have her