i had a bad day!?

Question

i need something to make my day make me laugh but keep it clean please!!

Answer 1

I don't have any original jokes, but I saw one I thought was funny.

Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

Answer 2

A blonde woman goes to the bank and asks for a $5000 loan to go on a vacation, the loan officer says sure no problem, but we'll need something as collateral. The blonde says sure, you can keep my Rolls Royce until I get back. So the loan officer agrees and the transaction proceeds.

They give the blonde woman $5,000 and put the car in their underground parking garage. During her vacation, the loan officer is curious as to why someone would put up a $500,000 car as collateral on such a small sum of money, he runs a credit check on the woman and finds out she's a multi-millionaire. A couple weeks later the blonde walks into the bank, paying back the $5,000, plus $15.41 in interest.

The loan officer walks up to her and asks, we found out during the week that you're incredibly wealthy, and I have to know what the $5,000 was for. The blonde woman smiles and says, where else can you park your car for two weeks in this city and only pay $15.41?

Answer 3

I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license

Answer 4

The doctor enters the patient's room. With a sad face, the doctor tells the patient that he is about to die. The patient cries out, "Oh my gosh! That's terrible! How long do I have to live?"
The doctor says "10"
The patients asks, "10? 10 what?!? years, months, weeks?"
The doctor continues to talk, "9...8...7..."

Answer 5

Sorry you have a bad day, but this joke is sure to make you laugh:

Its the beginning of freshmen year and this sarcastic teacher says "if there are any idiots in here will they please stand up." After a long silence one student stands up. "Okay mister why do you consider yourself an idiot?" asks the teacher. "I don't," replies the student "but I hate to see you stand up there all by yourself."

My friend cracked after I told her this!

Answer 6

Rosie O'Donnnel triped yestersday, I tried not to laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up!

Answer 7

two caterpillar's are sitting on a leaf and see a butterfly float by. the first caterpillar turns to the second caterpillar and says, "You'll never catch me in one of those things!"


knock knock! who's there? interrupting cow. Interuptin- MOO!!hehe, that one is fun to tell!

Answer 8

Identifying wasted time
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting

5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 Waiting for Break

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present

5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 Buying Snack

5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Timesheet

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 Scratching Yourself

5504 Sleeping

5510 Feeling Bored

5511 Feeling Horny

5600 Complaining About Lousy Job

5601 Complaining About Low Pay

5602 Complaining About Long Hours

5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604 Complaining About Boss

5605 Complaining About Personal Problems

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102 Ordering Out

6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6205 Hiding from Boss

6206 Gossip

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6211 Updating Resume

6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter

6213 Out of Office on Interview

6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602 Complaining

6603 Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 Recreational Drug Use

8001 Non-recreational Drug Use

8002 Liquid Lunch

8100 Reading e-mail

Answer 9

What did the worm say to the catepillar? Hey, where did you get the fur coat? You said keep it clean.

Answer 10

cuz you had a bad day you taking won down you sing a sad song just to turn it around.

listen to some good music it will help..seriously its a proven fact

emial me @ [e-mail] if you need to talk it out