what to do about a deadbeat teen?

Question

So this person has this eighteen year old son who just lays around all day eating up groceries, and messing up the house. His step dad gets really pissed off because his mother will jump up and make this kid sandwiches, wash and fold all his clothes, just basically wait on this bum hand and foot. Can't kick him out cause went out and got put on probation, the court ordered him to go back to school, and graduate or go to jail.I guess she has to take care of him until he gets his edu. If this kid messes up he will go to jail, and his mom has to pay one hundred and fifty bucks everyday that he is in jail. The step dad has just about had it with this kids slothfulness, disrespectfulness, dont give a damn attitude. The marriage is in jeaopardy, is there a place to put this guy to alleviate his mothers stress and save her marriage? The guy is eighteen, if he is not considered an adult then why does child support discontinue at the age of eighteen? 'why can't she just kick him out on his --

Answer 1

First, why would she have to pay $150/day if he goes to jail?

Honestly, it sounds like the kid wasn't rasied with very strong rules. He acts this way because he learned it is OK. Eventually he needs to learn it is not OK to be a loser, and his mom is the only person that can teach him this lesson.

She needs to show she loves him by allowing him to face whatever situations he as an adult has put himself in. If, for instance, he does not graduate... well, she needs to allow him to try to support himself on his McDonalds salary... eventually learning on his own he needs a high-school diploma.

If he gets thrown in jail.... then he needs to do the time and learn he cannot break the law without consequences.

SHE needs to show she loves him and stop enabling him to be a loser. There is nothing the step-dad can do but show her this in a way she can understand because right now she thinks she is helping him. Maybe counseling would help them and their marriage.

As parents it is our responsibility to raise our kids to become adults who can take care of themselves.

This kid is 18, it is time to push him out of the nest and see if he can fly.

Answer 2

At the age od 18 he is considered an adult. The mother does not have to pay anything for him whether he is in jail or out. She needs to tell him to get a job and get his life straight or get out. If she wants him out bad enough talk to his probation officer about having him sent to a halfway house. HE will have work/school priveledges and I guarantee he won't have someone waiting on him hand and foot.

Answer 3

Too bad he is 18, otherwise they should have sent him to military school. Since he is 18, they can kick him out, but there is a problem with that. If they kick him out he will probably get in more trouble. She needs to give him an altimatem(excuse spelling). For example, go get a job or i will stop buying the food you like,paying for your car, paying your court fees, getting you clothes, and other essentials. Maybe even say if you don't do something productive, there will be no more bailing you out!

Answer 4

She can kick him out, but i will tell you, she never will. This kid is the way he is, because she has been treating him this way since day 1. She did this to him, and now she must suffer the consequences (and sadly stepdad too).
Unfortunately, she handicapped him in life, by giving him no responsibility and now he must learn the hard way.
It's up to the stepdad to have a deep conversation with his wife, and explain to her that this is seriously affecting the relationship, and she needs to either give him a ultimatim, or it could end the marriage.
Try talking with her, the only other option is to deal with it, or say goodbye.

Answer 5

You gave us a hint when you mentioned the step-dad. For whatever reason the real dad is gone. Mom is having a big time guilt trip over ruining the kids life by getting rid of his dad. Mom needs to get over it and both mom and step-dad need to start swinging a belt, get him off the couch and out of the house. Give him 30 days to get a job and place to live.

Answer 6

Stepdad is in a heckuva a tight spot. He can't control what his wife does, so he now has to decide if what she's accepting from her son is something he can live with. If not, he has to tell her the truth, be really honest with her and follow up by standing his ground. If he can live with it, then he has to let it go. Either way, though, he should find a way to tell his wife how worried he is about the situation. She certainly isn't doing her son any favors by behaving this way.

Answer 7

They can always try to have him committed. The evaluation period will get him out of the house at least for a while. After a stint like that, he'll probably scram on his own--unless he likes it! I don't get the 150 a day thing. Is he grown or not?

Answer 8

I'm glad to hear that someone else has a lump that sits, or lays, or the couch. His mother has got to stop coddling him, the kid knows she will back him up 100% and until the mother changes her ways, he will not change his ways. Sigh.

Answer 9

The kid/18 year old adult will never change.. Not in till his mommy stops changing his diapers..

Answer 10

this kid sounds like he needs a lot of discipline. the mom needs to make him go to school and send his *** to military school. the mom needs to stop kissing his *** and he needs to learn how to respect his mother. tell the mom to quit doing **** for him, and make him, go to school and then tell him to get the hell out and go to military school. that boy needs to learn responsibility, and respect. talk to your wife and tell her how you feel and if she still does all this for him then just leave. there is no way in hell i would put up with his ****. you must really love her.