Why do they think more of him?

Question

I have a brother & I'm convinced that my parents think more of him than they do of me. I'm not talking about loving him more because I know they love us both equally.We've both moved out but I still do a lot of things for my parents; drive them places, sort out their problems, make sure they're ok and don't need anything, give them money if it's needed, organise holidays, etc and he does absolutely SFA for them. He only rings when he wants something, visits them when he's hungry, insults and disrespects them while he is visiting, farts & then leaves usually with his girlfriend in tow!! Yet my folks rave about him (my mum especially) to anyone who'll listen. Am I wrong to feel completely unappreciated? Should I tell my parents that I'm not doing things for them any more or should I just shut up & put up? Every time I approach the subject with my bro he just starts an argument!

Answer 1

You might want to talk to your parents about it first. Let your mom know that it hurts your feelings when she brags about your brother but yet you are the one that does everything for them. Your mom on the other hand probably knows this already, she probably talks about your brother with praise because no one sees him enough to know any better.

Answer 2

I can sympathise with you. My sister is just like your brother. Swans in like a visitor, my father waits on her hand & foot, then swans out again, leaving him with the dishes.
I am there every night after work & most of the day, both days, at the weekend. I decorate for him, dig his garden, take him shopping, drive him to visit his remaining siblings etc.
She shows up for ½ an hour once a week & acts like she is doing him a favour.
My only comfort if that when he is no longer with us, I will have no reason to doubt that I did my best for him whereas she will perhaps regret not seeing him more often.
The only answer is to say NO now & again even though it is hard. Her kids neber visit him either even though they all have cars & only live 6 miles away from him.

Answer 3

This happens in a lot of families it goes back to when sons were the ideal child and women just weren't wanted, men carry on the family name, inherit businesses etc etc.
You could try sitting them down and telling them how you feel lucky to be able to help them out but you feel unappreciated by them and that hurts you, it may be that they just haven't realised you feel this way.

Heres a thought they can't boast & brag about you if you are there listening after all you don't know what they say when you're not there

Answer 4

We had exactly the same thing in our family. My mum tried not to show it but she definitely favoured my brother. My sister and I were the ones who were around, spent time with our folks, whilst my brother travelled the world (she was so proud of him!) then married and moved to the other side of the world. He hardly ever wrote or called but when he did - oh the ecstasy!

But my sister and I joked about it with my mum - that our brother was the apple of mum's eye, could do no wrong etc.. In reality it must have been very hard for her, hardly ever seeing her son and not being there whilst his family were growing up.

When my mum was very ill,(after my Dad died) and dying, my sister and I cared for her and visited every day. My brother and his wife flew over and were able to be with her for her last week (and sadly they couldn't be when my Dad died - the flight was just too late). My sister and I were just grateful that Mum could spend her last days with her son and naturally moved back from the prime position at the bedside for him. We didn't resent him at all. That was just the way it was. We love our brother (and his wife) too. So what if Mum thought more of him? We know she appreciated us too.

Just accept that that is how it is in your family - its not a competition!

Answer 5

You've physically moved out but not mentally.

You don't say how old your parents are and if there capable of doing any of the stuff you do for them.

If they are capable then just cut back or stop.

Go to evening classes, move to another town, get married or something so you're not perceived as having plenty of free time.

Don't argue with your brother about it.

The relationship he has with his parents is the one that he chooses. Stop trying to force him into the same sort of relationship that you have.

Answer 6

As a parent of 3 sons, I have the problem from the opposite aspect. I love my sons equally. But it is a fact that a little more love is available for the one who needs it i.e. during illness having problems or in trouble. Talk to your brother (without arguing ) and you will probably find he thinks you are favourite in your parents eyes

Answer 7

That sounds familiar. You do everything for them and you get no appreciation. What I did is stopped helping them. They finally saw the picture that without me their life was not sorted. After that it was always about me. At the same time I felt bad because I didn't I had to get that far for them to notice. Talk to your parents and tell them how you feel, may be they can shed some light why they do that.

Answer 8

I know rite now u think dat u r unappreciated but u r not, they may not tell u to ur face but some where in their heart u r.answer me this; when ur parent need sumthin seriously done who do u think they will call? u have to understand that he is their child and will help him no matter what!! the same way they will do for u.so pls don't feel BAD

Answer 9

My sister and I still joke about the time my Mom came out of surgery and asked for her wonderful son. Never mind that we sat waiting for her for hours and he just showed up at the last minute. Talk to your Mom and tell her that she is hurting your feelings, I'm sure she doesn't know this is a sore point with you.

Answer 10

R u the adopted 1?