10 points, who has the best joke?

Question

Who ever has the best joke, ill give you 10 point!

Answer 1

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
WAIVE

Answer 2

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!” This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, “OK for you” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to use in their acts. Then suddenly, it gets VERY quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt or deeply chilled. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on” The man is astonished. He can't understand the transformation that has taken place. Then the parrot says, “ Can I ask just one question, what did the turkey do.”

Answer 3

The Blind Man Interview

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That’s a good piece of fir." "Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one." "That’s a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her a.s.s. in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the sh.i.t house door off a tuna boat!"

Answer 4

I was once married to the best joke

Answer 5

Q: Did you hear that Melissa Ethridge died last week? It was in the news for all to hear.

Answer 6

what did the p u s s y say to the d i c k?
come on it but leave the two nuts outside.

Answer 7

First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

*just a little age humor

Answer 8

what did the prostitute say to her panties
come on down the price is right

sad i no but best i could do sorry

Answer 9

why does President Clinton wear flannel underwear? the answer is...... to keep his ankles worm lol

Answer 10

i'll take the 2