Tried clubs, tried friends introducing, even tried internet. Keep getting jerks who want sex only. No companionship, etc...I am very honest upfront as to what i'm looking for. Mostly friends first then we'll see. Am I going about this wrong????
2006-08-30 09:40:29 · 115 answers · asked by kruzinlilred 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Unfortunately you've ended up in the merry go round of the dating scene. You can't lose faith that you might find someone that you get along with. The thing is that if you are attractive you are going to meet more jerks than nice men and almost all will want to have sex. I would include myself in that group as far as wanting sex, but I would never disrespect you by making you think sex was all I wanted you for. You are used to your normal life and now all that has changed. I hope you can find happiness as you see it and not how someone else sees it. One thing you have to remember is that even though you might find a quite a few jerks before your prince charming comes along, give them all an equal chance. Holding a grudge, or comparing one man to another is unfair and could cause you more heartache in the long run. Plus you might miss out on one of the good ones if you never take the chance to find out. There is no perfect answer you just have to find out for yourself. Some people are scum, but not all of them are. My condolences and good luck. Only you can decide if you're going about things the wrong way. If you're that lonely, which is understandable, be sure you let them know how you feel before they do something that makes you feel uncomfortable and then the, moving too fast for me feelings, start to develop. A good man will understand how you feel if you tell him straight up. If he likes you and thinks you are worth it, he will wait.
2006-08-30 10:27:19 · answer #1 · answered by Dah veed 5 · 20⤊ 1⤋
Stop trying so hard for now. Work on yourself, learn to be a complete woman by yourself and eventually you will meet the right man again. Get a hobby, join a book club, find some new interests. You will start making more friends and you'll find out new things about yourself. And joining clubs or groups are great ways to meet men. Also consider joining a singles club for widows/widowers, they will know what you are going through and this can be a great support. I'm not sure how long it's been since you lost your husband. I'm very sorry for your loss. Good Luck to you.
P.S. Stay away from clubs and bars, those places are crawling with jerks. And as far as the internet, I've heard of some good matches being made, but it's really hard to do because people can get on and pretend to be something they are not. I'm not saying give up on the internet thing, just be careful and patient.
2006-08-30 20:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by nimo22 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most men, when dealing with a prospective mate, do not want to fall into the "friends" category. The reason for that is that they know that if that happens they will have a difficult, if not impossible time, changing that label. The truth is that once a woman sees a man as her friend, it's not very likely that she'll ever see him as anything else. You need to keep this in mind, especially if you meet someone who you think has possibilities of being something more than just a friend to you. Look, I am not telling you to rush into a sexual relationship with each and every man that comes along. That is not good nor is it healthy. But, on the other hand, if you meet someone and there is an inital spark between he and you, you must somehow find a way to keep that spark alive until the relationship has a chance to grow and evolve into something more than just friendship. How you do that is up to you. I can't really advise you beyond this point. Everybody handles matters of the heart differently.
2006-08-31 04:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems to me that you are being faced with the same problem as every other dating woman. The fact that you are a widow only makes you more sensitive about your situation. How long have you been a widow?
It would seem to me that perhaps your "need to start over" causes you to accept dates from men that are clearly not your type. Since comminication is the key to all sucessful dating experiences...perhaps spend much more time talking to these people in email, on the phone or amongst other people. Ask the same questions in different ways over a period of time. If the guy is being less than honest about what e seeks...it will rear it's ugly head through answers that are not consistent or they will sound continually like what he thinks you are wanting to hear. If he seems to good to be true...he probably is. The key here is to take your time. short preplanned dates are best, coffee, lunch etc. Believe me wen I say you'll know within the first date or two if that guy is what you're looking for.
Make a mental list of qualities that you find important in a relationship... decide with ones are deal breakers and which ones are optional.... when you meet a guy focus on the deal breakers... don't rush and don't give the guy a chance to ask for sex...
Remember...all men want sex...but you ned to find tha guy that wants the sex with the comittment...
Good luck ...let me know how it goes
2006-09-03 04:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine in this day and time starting over again. Clubs are no different now than when you were 21. Maybe you are rushing things, how long has it been since he passed? I know there are good men out there left so you just have to let it happen. This isn't a very good comparison but one time I found a REAL diamond in the bathroom floor at work. I wasn't looking for it obviously, but it caught my eye. If I had been looking for that diamond I probably would have never found it and come up empty handed every time. My point is, you don't always find what you are looking for when and where you are looking. Don't try so hard and give yourself some time
God bless you and I hope you find what you are looking for
2006-08-31 02:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by momie_2bee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't know how you met your husband, but try the same approach. My mother has been a widow for five years now. She was only 55. She's young, vibrant, and lonely. Her and my dad were married for more than 30 years. Problem she's having is things aren't the same anymore. Men aren't the gentlemen that they were back then, and she won't tolerate it. Just stand you ground and don't give up. You have to get out there, so try some places that aren't such meat markets. Join the singles group at church, take some dance classes, or cooking classes or whatever you enjoy. Join a club doing something interesting to you...You are bound to meet people that at least enjoy the same kinds of things and then you go from there.
Good luck!!
2006-08-31 03:33:51 · answer #6 · answered by Bubbles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Partially.
What do you want, another husband?
Join organizations, go into the workplace, go to church and seek help there.
These are the best places.
If worst comes to worse, wear a sign:
Widow looking for a new husband
Then be honest.
Set the rules.
Girls ALWAYS set the rules. Guys NEVER have a say.
Join a gym
Take an Extension course at college
Go to a Hostel class
Go where people are and mingle.
It's still a choosers world for girls.
Girls have breasts and a vagina and guys always want that.
That's enough to snag them.
Then see what they are all about BEFORE you put out.
Take time.
Take a year if necessary.
If the guys not willing to wait he's not worth it!
Plain and simple.
He's either into you or into getting his rocks off.
Which do you want.
Do you want a guy whose into your or a guy who jsut likes doing you!
It's no different than when you were 16, except you know more and know better!
You know what you're worth.
How long were you married!
If over 10 years then you are DEFINATELY worth SOMETHING!
It means you were more than a Piece. It means the guy actually liked YOU.
If one guy liked you, others will like you.
You have to then decide who you'll give yourself too.
2006-08-30 15:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You just haven't found the right one yet. And you will have to weed through a lot more bad ones before you do. But 46 today is what 36 was years ago because people keep living longer and staying healthier with modern medicine. If you attend church that is a good place to keep your eyes open for a nice guy. Another idea is to get involved in some positive projects or volunteer work. You will find good people doing good things.
2006-08-31 03:43:28 · answer #8 · answered by JenaMarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
. The thing is that if you are attractive you are going to meet more jerks than nice men and almost all will want to have sex. I would include myself in that group as far as wanting sex, but I would never disrespect you by making you think sex was all I wanted you for. You are used to your normal life and now all that has changed. I hope you can find happiness as you see it and not how someone else sees it. One thing you have to remember is that even though you might find a quite a few jerks before your prince charming comes along, give them all an equal chance. Holding a grudge, or comparing one man to another is unfair and could cause you more heartache in the long run. Plus you might miss out on one of the good ones if you never take the chance to find out. There is no perfect answer you just have to find out for yourself. Some people are scum, but not all of them are. My condolences and good luck. Only you can decide if you're going about things the wrong way. If you're that lonely, which is understandable, be sure you let them know how you feel before they do something that makes you feel unc
2014-11-04 08:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a little older when I became a widow, it is a difficult road. The so called dating scene today is very different. Here is a suggestion, try something different to meet new people. Take a class at the local community college or one offered through local parks and recreation, volunteer to help with organizations like Special Olympics, Habitat For Humanity etc. Another words put yourself in completely
different surroundings, I hope this was of some help...
2006-08-31 06:03:10 · answer #10 · answered by roeskats 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋