How can I feel important again?

Question

I am a stay at home mom w/2 small boys. I used to have a great job that made me feel important and independant but gave it up to raise my own kids. It is important to my family that I do stay home but it leaves me feeling unfulfilled. I wipe bums and clean the house and cook dinner and play with toys. I feel very unimportant to my family. I've been told SO MANY times that I am doing an important job and to be grateful I am in a position where I can stay home with my family, but it still doesn't make me FEEL important. Any advice on little things I can do to improve my life?

Answer 1

I know, you've heard this, but... You are doing the most important job there is!!! Especially with boys...lol.

Consider this: Every little boy grows up to be a man. Whether or not that man is respectful, tidy, polite, has good social skills and knows how to treat others depends a great deal on his upbringing. More specifically his mother. That's you. So, for the sake of the girls they will date and the women they will make your daughters-in-law, do a good job!

The only other advice I can offer as a mother of 2 almost grown up boys, is to make it fun and remind yourself how important this is. Take them places and try things that will enrich all of your lives. Book clubs, play groups, arts and music classes, swimming, cooking, helping you with housekeeping, build a bird house, plant some vegetables or a window garden for spices, check out a planetarium, ride a horse, play mini-golf, plan a picnic, shop for birthday gifts, play board games, make cards, look at the stars, just talk, ANYTHING - all of these things will shape the men they will be. No one says you can't learn with your children, either, so take that ski lesson or get a ballroom dancing DVD (or salsa or hip hop, or tai chi, or whatever). Responsible, intelligent happy kids are a benefit to all of us as a global community.

If you still have energy left over and need something more, arrange for a night or afternoon or two for yourself to take on a volunteer community project or pick up a class here or there to continue your professional education. Be a consultant in your field for incoming new professionals. Lots of possibilities there. You'll find your stride, and you'll just "know" when you do.

Good luck and THANK YOU for being a mom!!!

Answer 2

I do understand where you are coming from. I used to be a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force and managed a multi-million dollar wellness program. Now I am a "housewife" and my most important task for the day is keeping my husband fed and happy.

That has been a somewhat difficult transition. I can tell you that if YOU don't believe you are doing anything worthwhile for the world, let alone your family, no amount of validation from those around you will amount to a hill of beans.

Something else I have done for my emotional balance is to create an at-home business. It is small, but brings in some income, but more importantly, it makes me feel connected to the outside world and a financially contributing member of the family.

I don't know what kind of "business" you might want to get into, but think about where your passion is and see if there isn't something that you can do at home...no matter how small. Remember, it is not so much the money, it is the connection and adult interaction that you don't get with the kids...even your husband.

Answer 3

What's imporant to you comes secondary to the welfare of your kids now.

Ask yourself:
Is it more important for you to have a good career right now and leave your kids in the hands of someone you don't know in a daycare? OR
Is it more important for you to be a stay home mom who is 100% hands on with her kids? A lot of mothers would die to be in your shoes. Be grateful that your husband can afford to support you not working, and at the same time be given the opportunity to spend every waking moment with your beautiful kids and be able to watch them grow.

For some reason you sound resentful to me, and somewhat selfish. There's always something you need to give up when you have kids. If you didn't want to give up your career and want to feel important all the time, then you should have never had kids in the first place. Your self-worth should never measured by what you earn (or how people see you for that matter--the nice clothes, the high position in the office, etc), but how you affect the lives of other people, in this case, your kids. Why don't you impart skills/lessons/hobbies to your kids that you enjoy so that you don't feel bored? Say for instance you enjoy crafts, why don't you teach your kids how to make crafts? etc.

Remember this, in a decade, your kids will be young adults and will look back. They will be grateful that they had a mom like you who was there with them the whole time while they were growing up. Maybe then, you'd learn what being a mother is and how it truly feels to be important.

Answer 4

You are important to your family. Be happy with that. I would give anything to stay at home with my son but it would be impossible for us to survive if I didn't work. I think that staying home and being a mom is the most important job in the world. But I understand when you say that you don't FEEL important. Do little things to make yourself feel good. Go get your hair done or your nails every once in a while. Be happy that you can stay at home with your children. And since you are not at a job all day you don't come home tired and you can give your husband everything he needs too. Don't feel unimportant to your family because you are the person making everything go round at your house.

Answer 5

I think the problem is, you feel like you're living for others and not fufilling yourself as a person on the whole. What you should do is set some time aside for yourself where you do whatever you feel like for that designated part of the day. You can read a new book, write a book, take up a hobby or excersize or just go out and do some things you've been meaning to do for a long time. The more you know yourself, the better you feel about yourself. Don't worry. Your family loves you, they're the ones who should be grateful.

Answer 6

Once your kids are in kindergarten you should start looking for a part time job. Not a meaningless retail job, but something in line with what you used to do that will make you feel the way you did. You are doing an important job but for many women that independence and making an impact outside your immediate family is important. I would not be able to do what you do, it sounds selfish, but I need that gratification from a job that you don't get at home. Once you are able to start working again the self-esteem boost you get will probably help you to be a better mother and wife. Good luck!

Answer 7

You're doing a great job now. If you want more, you could always join a mommy group if one is near. Or you could make time for you and your husband only. Make outings with the kids a couple of days a week. Doing things like going to the park or going to the toy store could raise your spirits.
Take care and know that you're the most important thing in your family right now.

Answer 8

Take your health seriously.I take wheatgrass juice every other day to get proper nutrition. I find that proper nutrition can help one feel better, also Omega 3 fatty acids help aliveate depression (from Life extention magazine) and realize that you are raising kids for life experience. What you do with them now will last their life time. And they will be all grown up and before you realize it has happened they will have their own families and you will be back in the work force again. It is a short time in the life of a person. You have the time now to devote to the development of your children. This opportunity is a gift of a life time. Be in the now. "The past is a bucket of ashes, so live not in your yesterdays, nor just for tomorrow, but in the here and now." by
- Carl Sandburg
Life is a massive circle rolling continuously into future.

Answer 9

Ask yourself this, would you rather be working and the kids are in daycare, every time you turn around you are having to ask off from work because they are always catching some type of GERM, Or what if you did not exist don't you think the kids would miss you they would suffer, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, and you should not feel the way you are feeling. I to am a stay @ home mom I want to work outside the home, BUT I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF CHILD my son who is a special needs child, Look kids get older and will be in school and want be needing you as much, SO ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH THEM NOW, NOT MANY PARENTS CAN DO WHAT YOU & MYSELF DO. SOME ARE IN PRISON, DEAD NO LONGER HERE SOME CAN'T SEE THEIR KIDS DUE TO A SPOUSE THAT IS ACTING CRAZY, DIVIOCE. I WOULD TALK MORE TO THAT SPECIAL PERSON ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL, IT MAY JUST MEAN YOU NEED SOME "Me TIME" TAKE CARE.

Answer 10

I agree that what you are doing is very important, but you need to feel that way as well. Maybe you could get a hobby or do something that would allow you more adult contact. If your husband could watch your boys at night some, maybe you could take a class of some sort or do a small part-time job. It is very important to do things for yourself, as you do a lot of giving, but need to get "filled up" as it were. That will also hopefully lessen the stress of being on call 24/7. Good luck!

Answer 11

Hi there,

I am no expert but maybe if you try to do things for you. Try to find something that makes you feel special and if only for a few minutes feel like a woman again and not just "mom". Do not underestimate yourself and the job that you have. Raising children in this society is a very tough job. You should be proud of yourself and the fact that you have a hands on approach to raising your boys. They are very lucky to have a mom at home to take care of them. I do believe that the job you are doing is a very important one and one that has a great deal of responsibility. Be gentle with yourself and take time for you. Be proud of who you are and what you are doing. Always remember to take time for you, if only to enjoy your favorite coffee. Keep your chin up.