Is it wrong to be friends with a guy who you once had a sexual relationship with?

Question

There is this guy that I had a breif fling with before I met my current boyfriend. It was nothing serious and he is really cool people. I would like to still be friends with him as I have no intentions of rekindling anything. I love my bf with all my heart and I plan to marry him someday. I just need some advice. He only wants to be friends also. Any experienced answers would be greatly appreciated.

We were always just friends we just had benefits.

Pete. My bf already knows how I know this friend. We all used to work together.

Answer 1

I am a 38 year old male, finally happily married, third try.. If you are serious about your boyfriend I would not spend time with this other guy. How many times have you heard people who have had affairs say "it just happened". It does not just happen, you put yourself in a situation and the inevitable happens, then you are surprised. My first marriage ended because I cheated with an attractive female friend.

Plus put the shoe on the other foot, would you like it if he hung out with a woman he had had sex with?

Answer 2

It's not wrong, as long as both can exist in a relationship without acting on physical inclinations.

Just ONE person feeling sexual attraction can cause the friendship to go asunder.

Also, there is the issue of those who know about the relations. If your boyfriend knows, and is not alright with the continuance of the friendship, then the friendship may have to be terminated, or put on hold to take a back seat while the primary love relationship is explored.

Finally, ask yourself why you want to continue the friendship. If it adds value and is a genuine give and take, then it is a positive friendship. If there is a lot of flirting, and you start realizing you get off on the sexual tension and flirting that the friendship provides, then in actuality, your primary relationship may be lacking in some areas.

Answer 3

It's not wrong, but to you something must feel sort of wrong or you wouldn't be asking. It sounds to me like you still feel a sexual attraction to this guy that you don't want to surface, or you wouldn't even be asking if it was wrong. It is only natural to think about what you once had with the guy. However, if your going to be freinds, you need to be open with him about the fact that you might feel sexual attraction to him still, but it doesn't mean anything to you. That way if he feels it in the room, you know what feeling I'm talking about, he will know that you aren't wanting to come onto him. Then it won't be aquard because you set the limits and let him know that although sexual attraction can exist between two people, it doesn't mean that you have to or even want to act on it.

Answer 4

Been there done that...depends on the person. If you know that you can be friends with him and there would be no problem especially with the new guy than I would say let it fly. I had this friend who just happened to be my best friend at the time and we respected each other so much that we wouldn't interfere with each other’s relationships because our friendship meant more than having sex on occasion. So I would say have that little talk and see where his head is at and then you would know how to proceed from there.

Answer 5

I see nothing wrong with you being Friends as long as you tell your current bf about him. Maybe the three of you could become friends. If your current bf is not comfortable with the friendship then I don't think it would be in your best interest to continue the friendship.

Answer 6

If the whole situation does not feel weird and their are no romantic feelings attached there should not be a reason why you should not be friends. In my experience, I have had a really good friend who was like a brother to me and at times were romantically linked. It could go either way but if it feels that it is ok than go for it. Best of luck

Answer 7

Yes, there will always be something there no matter how brief the encounter. Friends lead to other things, I do know this from what I have gone through. Dont keep the door open. If you really love your BF, then cut ties with this guy who does have knowledge of what you look like under your clothes and be honest to your BF about how you know this Friend !

Answer 8

No it is not wrong.
But you better avoid it,,, unless you are sure your bf would not mind it.. and does he know you had sexual relaionship with him? If he doesn't know... better yet avoid it.
If he knows,... reconsider his feelings.

Even if both of you and your ex, do only want to be friends... some situation in the future (say a fight or misunderstanding with you bf) could lead you back to him having a more serious affair as you would need a shoulder to lean on...

Be careful and good luck..

Answer 9

If I were your boyfriend, I would make you dump that guy immediately (actually, the fact that you want him around at all is reason enough to dump you). He isn't your friend. What he is, is a sexual relationship you keep in reserve for later on. He can hang around latent for years until you get the whim to destroy your relationship (or marriage) with your man. All women are in denial about this. However, all women have extremely reliable patterns of behavior of which this is one. Simply put, your man should not discuss the issue, argue with you are negotiate in any way over this, because anything you have to say about it is utter bullcrap that you half know is bullcrap (what will happen though is pretty much reliably pre-determined). You get rid of him or you are gone.

Answer 10

you have both agreed that it's a friendship, right? and you're happy with your current beau, right? then there should be no problem. you might want to think about you bf though, he might have a problem if he knows that your friend and you have been intimate. so if he doesn't already know, you might want to think about either telling him everything or never mentioning anything other than the fact that the guy is a friend.