We have 2 children and mom has plenty of space for us. I can't decide what to do, I plan on going to school while he is gone, If I stay here, a friend will watch the children, if I go there I will have to put them in daycare while I go to school, also If I move there we will get our housing allowance, which will help me save more money. I am sad to leave our house though, and a little anxious about giving up my "own" house.
2006-08-30 09:32:05 · 15 answers · asked by Kelli Rob 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dear, if at all possible STAY WHERE YOU ARE! Rarely do these types of arrangements work out, and remember, in your mother's home YOU and the CHILDREN are guests and have to abide by her rules. This may all seem very attractive (moving back) right now, but it may not go so well after about a month or so.
2006-08-30 09:37:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband deployed to Iraq in August of 2005. He just got extended four more months and sent to Baghdad. I faced the same dilemma you're facing... to move back home with my parents or not. I chose to stay here, about 3000 miles away from family, and it's been rough. If I could do it again, I think I would relocate and let the kids have some quality time with their grandparents. Also, saving more money is definitely a good thing. That's probably the only good part of a deployment, amidst a thousand bad things, you know? The change of scenery will do you good, being with family will help during the hard times, and the kids will get some great memories with their grandma, making the deployment more of a positive thing for them. There's my two cents! :) Good luck!!
2006-08-30 09:46:49 · answer #2 · answered by Genie G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can answer this question but you. I will say that I wouldn't go live with my mom for any reason. Two women in one house is torture as far as I'm concerned. How much is the housing allowance once you subtract the daycare expenses? Is the amount of money left over worth putting the kids in daycare and having to live by your mom's rules? Also, what does your husband say and how long will he be gone? Is this for 2 years or 6 months? 2 years at mom's house might make you nuts, but 6 months might be doable. Good luck.
2006-08-30 09:43:02 · answer #3 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is almost finished with his BCT in the army. While he has been away, my six month old daughter and I have had to live with my parents and will have to until he completes AIT... I can't stand it! There's not enough space for everyone here, no privacy for my daughter and I, and my parents have "boundaries" issues! I think it would be okay for you if you and your mother get along well, but maybe try to stay put where you are if you can handle it. You won't have to pay for daycare, you'll have your own space and freedom to do what you want when you want. I know it's hard giving up your own place. Good luck with whatever you decide, and best wishes to your husband and your family. I feel for you!
2006-08-30 09:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by .*AnNa*. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a veteran. It would start out nice, but then it would get old. In some aspects you would become your moms daughter again instead of a mother. You will eventually want your freedom and space.
The Red Cross and other organizations are there to provide you with any additional support you may need. Keep in contact with the unit spouse support group, not all of them are great but most of them do a lot of good helping each other out.
Home is nice place to visit after you leave. But you don't want to go back to stay for any length of time.
2006-08-30 09:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by Just Another Guy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. It is so hard for adult children to live with their parents. You're used to doing things your way and your mother will have her way of doing things and it can cause problems. You really wouldn't be saving much money because I'm sure you would help your mother with the added expenses that you and your children would create. I can understand you wanting to be with her during a difficult and lonely time but I think you're better off where you are.
2006-08-30 14:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by Mollywobbles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey this is a good question
OK lets break it down...
#1 You have a family of 4 minus your husband becuase he has to serve a tour in Irac.
#2 You have good relations with your parents to go there if you needed to.
#3 you want to go to school while husband is gone.
HMMMM....
I would say this....( and i have some experience in this matter) stay where your at. You have become very used to doing things YOUR WAY in YOUR HOUSE taking care of YOUR FAMILY.
You need to understand that your a Wife & Mom 1st and a Daughter 2nd. I think you have a great relationship with your parents to be able to move back in if you had to.
However i think you need to stay at your home not theirs.
If your like me i welcome my parents to my house anytime as wel as traveling to see them at there home and when you need to lean on someone and Mom & Dad are there go to them.
Also i think you should go to school to get an education to help contribute to your families income eventually. Just as important as it is to contribute to your family in a monitary situation. Its equally important for you to feel great about being a part of being the provider.
Listen the lonley feelings they will happen just remember it wont be forever and look to your children for support and your family.
Signed Tim
2006-08-30 10:03:59 · answer #7 · answered by ssshoebox67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know the length of his deployment or do they leave that open-ended? Depends on your relationship with your mom, too. I lived with my mother after having been out on my own for several years, and I know she couldn't help it, but she was keeping tabs on me and telling me what to do just like when I was a kid. If it was me, I'd go for the less money and maintain my independence. She will probably get involved, and be more opinionated about how you are raising your kids, too. What ever you decide, God bless you, you husband (tell him thanks with love) and your children. Good luck.
2006-08-30 09:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son was 3 days old when my hubby went to Desert storm and he was 15 months old when he finally got home! I know I would have killed to be close to family at that time in my life! My parents both lived in Ohio and no siblings. I was in a town with no real family or attachments and it was truly very very rough on me! I cried ALOT! I would say if u have a chance to be with family during this time- take advantage of it. Talk to your hubby and Im sure u will come up with a great plan!
2006-08-30 09:56:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you can afford to live on your own that you should. There are going to be times when you just need your own space and it sounds like your mom will be close enough that you could easily visit her if you need the support there. For me there's just something more satisfying about being on your own than it is when you're living under someone elses roof.
God bless you and your husband for serving our country.
2006-08-30 09:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by shominyyuspa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋