What are parents to do?

Question

Teen years, what fun times to parent right? I was just curious about your views on teenage behavior and what you are going to/doing about it. So here goes:

Curfew: Have you clearly established a curfew with your teens and have repercussions if it is not abided by? If it isn’t followed what is the punishment?

Drugs: What would you do if you found out your teen was doing illegal drugs? Do you believe the punishment for marijuana should be different then other “harder” drugs ?(cocaine, methamphetamines, ecstasy) Did you do drugs as a teen and do you believe it effects your ideas on how you deal with drugs in your household?

Drinking: Is your teen allowed to drink as long as there is parent watching or there? Would you allow other teens to drink in your house? What is the punishment for drinking, if any?

School./Grades: Do you feel your expectations are set high enough and what are they? What is the punishment for getting unacceptable grades?

Extra Curricular Activities: Do you encourage your teen to stay active in school and extra activities?

Sex: What would you do if you found out your teen was having sex? Do you feel as though you could stop him or her? Would you knowingly allow your teenager to have sex in your home? Would you treat a daughter differently then a son when dealing with sexual relationships, why?

You don’t have to answer all the questions, pick a section if you’d like. You don’t even have to have teenagers or kids, if you’d like to answer go ahead! Thanks in advance for your answers!

Also, how willing are you to be involved in your teenagers life?

Answer 1

Very Good questions.

I have a pre-teen at home and i worry abt these all the time.

Curfew: HAS to be followed. First time broken WARNING .. Repeatation: Grounded from going out after a set time. If they are found to be sneaking out ... they can only leave house for a month with parents not otherwise.

Drugs: Marijuana or others .. no difference ... All drugs same. If found doing drugs explain why its bad .. take them to a doctor you trust and have him give them the picture of bad things about drugs in worst way so they are scared to try it again. If found to be doing again ... Enforce the rule harshly even if that means cutting them off from their friends.

I personally have taken mari while in college but that shouldn't hold anyone back. I tell her that I did it and i was lucky i got out of it before it caused lot of damage. I also tell her abt my friend who couldn't get out of it and is now living a screwed up a life in prison. Tell them if you did it that what you did was wrong and if you could change it you would do it.

Drinking: We do not drink in their presence and tell them the bad side of drinking. We only drink socially where there are no kids. Once in a blue moon. If they are found drinking first warn them and on repeatition cut off their allowance or friends.

School / Grades - be on top of your kids so that they do good. Kids or teens do not always know what is the value of good grades till they attain age to look for jobs. Grades have to be good. DO everything possible .... consult with teachers ... help them in every way... encourage them by telling them the adavantages of good grades and of the beutiful lifestyle they can attain.

Extra curricular Act: Always encourage. It helps develop their individuality and make them be smart all round not just book smart.

Sex: I do not know how far you can go to perevnt it. So keep a check on their friends and Boys that they are friends with but also teach them about issues like HIV/STD, Pregnancy, genital problems, safe sex, etc.

Answer 2

Teen years are not fun....
Curfew..... Yes an established curfew sets up responsibility and trust. Give them a reasonable time to be in on school nights and on weekends. Make a contract that if they do not follow this rule list the reprecussions in the contract. This includes school grades as well.. if their grades are poor, curfew gets cut back until the next report card,.... for example. But it teaches them that you as a parent trust them to do things on their own, as long as they are smart about it and come home on time. You find out where they are going is inapproprate or wrong then they will lose the privalege for a particular amount of time..

Drugs. I would talk to them about it. I will drive them to the nearest crack houses and let them get a peak of people's lives whom are hooked. I would treat the use of marijuana the same as cocaine. Only because i want my child to realize that a drug is a drug. If once they are over the legal age of 18 they can make the difference between the two themselves and decide. but remember that after the age of 18 i have the right to decide whether or not you get to live in my house. I wouldn't let my past things as a teen affect my parenting skills to much or i should say I don't. if anything it should make you smarter because you remember what your thoughts were and helps you understand why your child may be making that dumb decision .

Drinking: my child is not allowed to drink until they are over the age of 18. that's when they are considered an adult. I know that clubs say 21. the punishment would depend on the crime. Do I catch them stupidly drunk... i'll beat him/her.... or seriously i won't allow them to drive, no allowance. take away particular privilages. It will also depend on how old they are. 13 or are they 17.....

Always encourage extra curricular activities. face it when they are involved in a sport of some sort, the discipline is there and they are less likely to get caught up and silly things.

Sex.... i can let them know I disapprove and not in my house cause that's disrespectful.... but its hard to stop them from doing if they want to. Talk to them, let them know of other things they can do or ensure they are fully educated on the reprecussions of haveing sex at such a young age. I would treat my daughter differently then my son to a certain extent. only in the ways of protecting themselves....

Wow,, made me think. Good question(s).

Answer 3

First off have fun, I raised 6 and their all great adults, thank goodness, but its not easy. The first thing you have to establish in your home is who is the parent and who is the child. You have house rules and they must honor them or take the punishment you set up. I'll answer a few things that came up in our home, Drugs, when I discovered them I told the kid you can either turn yourself in our I will and take your chances on how the law looks at it, for me that was the end of that. Drinking, told the kids you know better and if they got caught I'd wave at them through the bars but I would never bail them out. Sex, thats a personal decision between you and your kids. School and grades, told my kids that if they try their best I'll never get in their face but goof off and your in going to wish you didn't, would go to school to keep their mind where it belonged, and they new I'd do it and make them look like morons so that never did happen but sure scared them,because they new by the time I finished embarrassing them they'd never live it down from their friends. I never hit my kids if thats what alot people think is how I kept them in line. Hope this helped.

Answer 4

teen years are so hard. you have to let them be themselves, while at the same time not giving them too much space or you'll loose contact. show a genuine interest in their lives, but not as a friend - as a parent. good grades are expected, the better the grades, the more trust in the capabilities of the teens' decision making. drugs are all bad, none are acceptable. be careful because drugs aren't just illegal anymore, kids'll go for anything (cough syrup included ) to help them feel less stressed out. make sure not to violate their privacy, but make sure to talk to them so you know what's going on. all teens are different, but all are having a hard time! stress is huge! having defined rules and punishments makes it less stressful because at least they'll know what will happen if they do something. good luck!

Answer 5

Yes we have a curfew and it is punished with groundings.
Drinking is not allowed. I would never give any other teens alcohol in my house. We have just been honest about it, the reasons not to, why people do. She is 17, we haven't caught her drinking, but I am sure she has tried it at least once.
Yes, activities are great, but if she chooses not to then we wouldn't push it.
I am extremely open and honest about sex. She came to me this year and asked me to take her for birth control shots, she was thinking she might have sex with her boyfriend but wanted to have the shots and condoms first. So I took her for it and a few months later she told me she had sex with her boyfriend. No I would not treat a girl different from a boy. I will teach my son when he is old enough the same as I taught her, two forms of birth control prevent std's and pregnancy. Think about it before you do it, don't just jump into something that could alter the rest of your life. If you aren't responsible enough to obtain birth control on your own or ask us then you aren't responsible enough to have sex. I am the only one out of my friends who openly talks about sex and birth control, mine came to me first, one of theirs was pregnant at 16, one found out her daughter recently had sex (not from her) she is 15, one thinks her daughter is having sex at 13.

Answer 6

I have raised 4 kids and have one left at home who is 17. I could write a book about the adventures of child rearing. No two kids are exactly alike. I have seen it all and we have pretty high standards set for our kids. The main things are communication, honesty, setting limits and goals, and keeping an ever watchful eye for inappropriate behaviour. Giving teenagers the freedom to be themselves is important but also giving them a good foundation and good standards to live by is essential. And while they are still living at home when those standards are violated there has to be reasonable consequences.

Answer 7

CURFEW- School nights 7:30-2 school nights
Weekend 12:00
If not in on time can't go out next week
DRUGS- Can't have noexception what they are!
DRINKING-Can't have no exception!
Grades- I give my child $20 for a's $10 for b's nothing for c's they owe me $10 for d's and $20 for f's nothing talks to teens like money!
Extra caricular I encourage but I don't get mad if they don't want to do it.
SEX- I have talked to them and told them although I do not recommened they have sex if they do please use a condom no matter what I have explained that oral sex can spred std's also. NO SEX of any kind in my home period!

Answer 8

I survived three teen aged girls and they have grown up to be decent, responsible adults. It was incredibly hard, but I tried to keep two things in mind: 1. As teens, it is their job to break away from the family in order to stand on their feet as adults. Emotionally, this is scary and painful for the teens, so they rebel and otherwise try to create conflict so they can break away. and 2. As parents, the most important thing we can do is keep the lines of communication open. Be honest with them. Respect them as individuals. And let them know if they make mistakes (and they will!) that you will help them work to correct the mistake.

I will leave you with one other thought: Every time they left for a date, or to go out with friends, I told them that I trusted them. My youngest daughter told me (on her 21st birthday) that it was the Best thing I could have said to her. She said that it didn't keep her out of all trouble, but she didn't get into nearly as much trouble as she would have liked because she couldn't bear the thought that I might be disappointed in her! LOL!

Answer 9

My advice...pray and pray some more. It's like a roller coaster ride. All of the terms, consequences, priviledges, etc. are no help when it comes to raging hormones. It's going to be a bumpy ride. Pray

Answer 10

one of the reasons I do not plan on having kids