I have two dads - what would you do?

Question

My stepfather has raised me since I was 5 years old, and my real dad has also been around. My stepdad has been there for me more then my real dad has been. My real dad is cheap and thinks only about himself. My question is who should I chose to walk me down the aisle? Everyone thinks the traditional "right" way would be to ask my real dad, but then people feel it should be my step. As far as my stepdad I don't think he'd do it. He's not really into those things and I heard my real dad would be crushed if I didn't chose him. When he heard I wanted my little brother to do it he was very upset. I don't want to upset anyone or make anyone feel bad. What would you do or have done in a situation like this?

Answer 1

It is YOUR wedding. Go with the one that DESERVES to walk you down the aisle. FORGET the morals....pick the person who had the better more positive affect on your life. This is a big day for YOU....follow your heart...this shouldnt even be a question for you.
Good luck & Best wishes :)

Answer 2

First of all this is one of the most important days in YOUR LIFE. It is all about you, not your parents, or any other part of your family. My daughter was faced with the same problem, only she was clear from the start. The daddy (step) that raised her is her daddy. The biological dad is just that. She asked her Daddy (that was there for her every step of the way) to walk her down the isle. He was exstatic, he too isn't much on those kind of deals. But he was honored. And he did. It was beautiful and plain to see the love. Yes her real dad's feelings were hurt, but like I told him it isn't about you it's her day. And the feelings she feels for her Daddy are unreplaceable and this is the price he must pay for being selfish and not being there for her as she grew up. Her Daddy shouldn't have to feel left out, afterall he's the one that was there for her, and should have the choice of walking his little girl down that isle. He's the one that will feel a loss. Now if he were to turn you down then there's your answer. But your Daddy should have the opportunity to let his little girl go. To become the woman he raised and live happily ever after.Or my daughter considered letting them both walk her down. It's a thought? I know it's very hard and a sticky situation. Remember you have no control on other peoples reactions, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. You can not predict nor work your life around everyone or everything else. Make your own way, in your own direction. Always do what your heart tells in in these type situations, you won't go wrong. Remember It's Your Day, it's all about you. Forget everything else. I hope this has helped ease your mind and allowed you to resolve in the best way for you. Congradulations on your wedding and May it be the Best day of many to come no matter who walks you down that isle as long as your happy and feel really good about it. Happy Wedding and Happy life Forever together.

Answer 3

I had a somewhat similar problem with my wedding: my real dad is dead, and I don't get along with my stepdad. I wanted my grandfather to walk me down the aisle, but I knew that would hurt my step-dad's feelings, and my mother's as well...

What did I do? Well, since my step-dad's income (along with my mom's) paid for most of the wedding, I gave him the honors of walking me down the aisle. I knew it was my day, but I knew there would be fewer qualms/regrets by doing that. What I did do, however, was give my Granddaddy the father's dance. That meant more to me, anyways, and I got to dance with him longer than my step-dad walked down the aisle.

What should you do? Think very hard and write down (or mentally jot) the pros and cons. I don't know if it's really appropriate for your brother to walk you down the aisle and tell the minister that he's giving you away, when you already have two father figures who are in a better position to say that. My suggestion is to talk to your mom about it... and you seem close to your step-dad. Could you just tell him your dilemma and ask for advice?

If you really can't decide, and figure "screw tradition" anyways, there's always the possibility of having them both walk you down the aisle (one on either side). It's been done before...

It all boils down to what you want. It's your day, not theirs. You're in a situation that's difficult, and there's no "right" answer. You just need to choose what you think is best and will be comfortable with down the road.

One hope to consider: My step-dad and I weren't close (maybe like you and your father aren't), but by giving him that honor of walking me down the aisle, it's really patched up things between us. This gesture with your dad might help things in the long run.

Answer 4

I feel ya! My step father has raised me since I was 3, I didn't even meet my real father till I was 9. My real father has never been much of a part of my life, but gets upset about my relationship with my step. I would have a dad on each arm if I were you, your step dad may not be into these things, but may still want to take part in giving you away. Then neither would be hurt. If your not comfortable with that then go ahead and have your brother do it and sit down and have a talk with both dads on how you feel.

Start your own tradition. Allot of people who have separated parents have both parents walk them down the isle.

Good luck sweetie,.

Answer 5

First, I would sit down with my step-dad and explain that it's been a tough decision to make, since both of your dads are so important to you. Then say that you believe it means more to your real father, so that was your deciding factor, and that you want your real dad to walk you down the aisle, and is that okay. Basically, you need to do damage control before any damage is created. And this way, you'll find out if it will crush your step-dad.

Then, ask your father to walk you down the aisle. Even if your step-dad has been around more, fathers want to walk their daughters down the aisle. It's a really, really big thing.

Best of luck!

Answer 6

Situations like this can be very hard. With that in mind there really is NO proper answer. Who do you really want?? Anyone can do it... My mom walked me. If you want both can walk with you, your step-father can walk you with your real father a step behind or visa-versa. (Although I would suggest giving THE father/daughter dance to whom ever walked behind) Having your brother walk you my be what is right for you! And there is always the option of walking alone! Traditionally the actual father would walk the bride however it sounds like your step-father took that place so it would not be wrong for him to do it. I would sugest talking to them both, see how they each feel. I am sure they both understand you have enough problems planning a wedding and would be willing to work with what ever you decide. Let them know that you love them both and are truly having trouble making this desision. Maybe your step-father doesn't want to do it... Maybe it would meen the world to your father... But you won't know til you ask. Talk it out with you mother and brother also get their ideas too, they will help you get a better picture of how the dads might feel before they'll be willing to tell you.

Answer 7

There is no right answer. You just do what you feel is best. But here are some options you can think about:
A - You can seat your biological father in a place of honor and have your step father do the entire walk.

B - You could divide up the walk and have it symbolize the time each spent in your life. Have bio dad walk 1/4 of the way and dad # 2 walk the rest.

C- You could also have no one walk you. Have all your parents sitting in the front row. When the officiator asks "who gives this woman", they can all respond "we do". Your mom can adjust your veil if you have one.

Answer 8

I have been in your situation and a while back I would have had my step dad do it. But now my real dad has really been trying to be apart of my and my son's life. I think having a baby has brought my dad closer. So now I would have my real dad do it. I also wanted my brother to do it so I didn't have to chose. He didn't mind. So if you really don't want to chose, just ask your brother. If there are hurt feelings, they'll get over it. It's your day, and it will be with you for the rest of you life. Good Luck.

Answer 9

I know how you feel completely, I'm in the same situation. I don't think that I am going to ask either of them because I don't want one to feel anything towards the other. So my brother is walking me down the aisle. But I had to choose, I would go with my stepfather because he is the one that I am most comfortable with. So if you don't want to choose then I say walk down the aisle by yourself. It has been done before and that way no one can say anything about it. It's your wedding so do what you please! Hope that your day is filled with joy and love.

Answer 10

I had this problem too and the way I wanted to do it didn't work out but here is what I had planned to do. Have your real dad walk you half way down the aisle and then let your stepfather take over and walk you the rest of the way. Congrats on your marriage

Answer 11

If you've always had close contact to both dads, have your real dad walk you down the aisle. Have your stepfather wear a tux that day just like your real dad will... and when you have the Father/Daughter dance, have 2 dances. It's respectful and I don't think either 'dad' will have a problem with that.