How accurate are these examples of fundamentalist Christians?

Question

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Answer 1

this is hilarious!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love it! seriously very astute! it's like the letter to the president:Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and
support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said
"in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman."
I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone
tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of
debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Answer 2

Since I think conservative Christians, fundamentalist Christians do not observe the sabbath which to me is fundamental, I have difficulty thinking it is even true. Re: trusting people, well, trust is such a big word. Have you ever been fooled or thought things about how people seem to later find out this is just not true? So trust in that sense is not something I give away. I also will 'trust to a point' and that point is adjustable. How far do you trust your car mechanic with your bill, for example?

Answer 3

The personal experience of Redemption is undeniable though undemonstrable to unbelievers; all other arguments, proofs, misunderstandings, accusations, interpretations aside. "I know what I know."

You bring up some excellent points, I wonder if your list was from one or more sources or from yourself? I ask because I'd like to attribute it to the proper originator when I quote it.

It seems to me that you are looking to Christians to demonstrate some kind of divinity when they themselves say they are as fallible and misleadable as any person. You are looking to Christians to demonstrate some kind of trait that would prove their faith, but they themselves say everyone (including themselves) fall short. You seem to look for them to demonstrate some high understanding, when they say "We don't understand."

But they say "Jesus Christ is Lord." That is the difference.

Religion fails. Science fails Knowledge fails. Goodness fails. Evil fails. Everything a person does can be found with fault.

And yet there is a sense among some that a higher God and greater Plan is available, and that those who believe it and then seek it shall eventually find it.

So do you find fault in "Love your neighbor as you love yourself?"

Do you find fault in "Go your way, and do violence to no one."

Do you really hate the phrase, "I am the Way and the Truth and the Life?"

How about hospitals...the entire hospital system was grown up by Christians? should we get rid of all the hospitals? Or maybe hide the reason they call them "St Peters" or "All Saints" or "Harris Methodist Hospital" or "Baylor Baptist..."

Maybe all those Christians who pool their funds and send huge volumes of relief supplies to disaster victims should be killed for it?

Or maybe the local "Mission" should be stopped from feeding the poor.

Don't worry.

If the Christians stop doing the good things they do, the atheists will all rush in and pick it up where the Chritians left off.

Drink that koolaid if you want.

As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord(as best we can).

Answer 4

This "question" (!?!) has been "asked" dozens of times here already. The "question" contains many outright lies and gross distortions about the bible and true Christianity. Here are a few Scriptural thoughts to consider:

(Romans 16:17) Keep your eye on those who cause divisions and occasions for stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them.

(2 Corinthians 4:4-6) The god of this system of things has blinded the minds of the unbelievers

(Philippians 2:14-15) In among a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you are shining as illuminators in the world

(1 Timothy 6:3-5) If any man teaches other doctrine and does not assent to healthful words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, nor to the teaching that accords with godly devotion, he is puffed up with pride, not understanding anything, but being mentally diseased over questionings and debates about words. From these things spring envy, strife, abusive speeches, wicked suspicions, violent disputes about trifles on the part of men corrupted in mind and despoiled of the truth

Learn more:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2003/3/1/article_01.htm

Answer 5

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Now that was awesome! And so true too. I don't how many times I've been told these things. It's amazing how they deny all other gods and then ask atheists "well, how can you deny MY god?" LOL These types of people are stuck so far down inside a box of their own making, they forgot where the opening is.

Answer 6

Excellent synopsis of the christian faith. I started to tell my Mega-Fundie father about my activities in YA and I couldn't even get the word atheist out of my mouth before he started with the damn rhetoric. Then, we had to hold hands and pray in public before we started eating at a restaurant. Dammit! I'm 32 years old, I'm not a kid anymore! I hate being guilted into going through the damn motions at this point in my life. Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

Answer 7

I’m not at all religious, but that's an excellent piece of work, and I think in all honesty, anyone suffering from your 10 symptoms is clearly unwell, in fact, they would normally be classed as mentally ill, if it were not for the subject being religion.

Answer 8

Unfortunately I have met some of those folks, but all Christians can't be lumped into a catagory like that. Some of us are willing to allow other people to believe differently than we do!

Answer 9

Top ten proofs that I am a fundamentalist Christian, and you have fallen prone to stereotyping and irrational thought.

10. I am not outraged by anyone trying to deny God. I try to point the way to Him, but if you choose not to go there... your loss. I feel sorry for you, I mourn for you... but I'm happy I'm not in your shoes anymore.

9. I don't feel any more dehumanized by a scientist proclaiming that his cousin is an ape. If a scientist wants to belittle himself as such, so be it. I'm a child of God... a lot more reassuring than believing I'm a child of a mutant monkey.

8. I don't laugh at polytheists. No reason to. At least they recognize the benefits of faith. And yes, I do believe in the Trinity. However, note the very meaning of it: "Tri-Unity", three in one. Wiccans would understand best... their goddess is also triune, albeit modalism triune.

7. Allah calls out for infidels to be slaughtered, innocents enslaved, and wars waged, all for the purpose of expanding the religion. God only called for war against those who outright did evil in His sight, and killed individuals in righteous retribution for their crimes against Israel.

6. The Holy Spirit did not impregnate her. That requires copulation... and I can not word it in a spiritual manner where modern connotations could not euphemize it and make it sound dirty. Let's put it in a way you can understand... The Holy Spirit modified one egg's DNA to be essentially a male clone of Mary. 500+ people got to see Jesus after His death, and one person had the opportunity to stick his finger through the holes in His hands... no one saw Hercules after his.

5. For several hundred years, science had established there were five planets. Science is always correct. Then there were six, then seven, then eight. Lo and behold, the 20th century comes around and we have nine! Science is always correct. Oh, wait, nevermind, there's really only 8. Science is always correct...Believe without question, or be labeled an uneducated numbskull. And as to "the world only being several generations old"... if you lived to be as healthy at 120 as you were at 30, and your great-grandmother lived to be 400+ years old... I'd be more prone to believing it.

4. Now, let's look at it this way... if you're speeding at 100 mph in a clearly labelled 35 mph zone, and you get arrested... whose fault is it? Is it the cop, who cares about people so much he doesn't want anyone to die because of your actions, and so arrests you? Is it the judge who locks you away because you have shown no desire to change your ways? No, it's your own fault for disobeying the law, and as such, you deserve to be locked away. Such is hell. You have broken God's laws, and have shown no remorse for your actions. Our love comes in in trying to get you to stop, and change your ways before someone gets hurt... most of all, you.

3. Even speaking in tongues is not necessary. Faith is the only proof we need. And to provide a little bit of inversion... despite all the archaeological, biological, scientific, physics, and documented historical proof we have given you, you will not even consider our side. All it takes for you is someone with "Dr." in their name to say something, and you'll believe it without question.

2. I define 100% as a high amount of answered prayers. In fact, I believe all prayers are answered 100%. Some "yes", some "no", some "not right now", and some "I'll explain it in a way you'll recognize easily". And in my life, I have seen considerably more "Yes" than I have "No" or "Not right now", and have had a great many things explained to me, be it in the middle of my prayer, or quite literally in the middle of my lasagne at dinner.

1. Highly doubtful. And at the risk of sounding arrogant, I probably know more than the average atheist does about atheism. After all, I spent a good many years searching for truth, and have come to some rather startling conclusions about it.

And one more for good measure... I have yet to see atheists pick on Wicca, Hinduism, Buddhism, Satanism, Paganism (of all sorts), or any other religion other than the three Abrahamic religions (I would have said "other than Judaism and Christianity", however, things've changed since 9-11). Now, why is that? Mayhaps there are hints of truth in there they refuse to admit? Is it that we pose such a great risk to the supposed infallibility of science, that you must knock us down before we become too big? Or is it that because we are so absolutely certain in our faiths that the fundamentalists of all three have grown past the need to question, and you are afraid of being labelled an "idiot" if you question your secular 'spiritual' leaders, the scientists of this world... much in the same way you label us 'idiots'?

Go, and question your leaders, and learn the truths they don't want to reveal. Maybe then, you can see a Christian's side a little more clearly.

Answer 10

And you expect reasoned, logical responses to the sweeping generalizations that you've just made?

I'm not the biggest fan of fundamentalist Christians either -- I'm Catholic, and many "fundies" don't like us very much -- but I'm not going to pigeon-hole them into the generalized, stereotypical categories in which you've placed them.