My Isreali/Jewish boyfriend of 3 years has gotten mad in the past and called me a N****r, Black Bich, and pretty much every disgusting racist word u can possibly imagine. The last time it happend I told him it was absolutely unacceptable and after his begging and pleading never to do it again, I forgave him. Well, this weekend he got drunk and left me about 30 voice messages and texts with the same racist sh*t, and believe me he takes it to the next level like saying death to all N*****s and so on. Well of course he sobered up and now claims it was all said in anger and I can't hold it against him because he loves me and if he was truly racist why would he be with me for 3 years. Do you all think he is a racist and I should dump him after 3 years or give him his 10th chance because he was "Angry"?
2006-08-30 07:20:46 · 31 answers · asked by HONEY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Dump his *** and find a American white man!
2006-08-30 07:28:54 · answer #1 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh, sweetie. This is really, really bad. And I think you know it.
This man is verbally abusing you.
Think for a minute, if you found out that someone was speaking this way to your mom, or your sister, or your best friend? Would anger or alcohol be an acceptable defense?
What if he got drunk or angry at a family gathering and said those things to your parents? Or what if you stayed with him and you had children and he spoke that way to them?
Anger and/or alcohol does not excuse or explain his behavior. And frankly, it's not worth debating whether or not he's a racist. Even if his comments had nothing to do with race, he's attacking you. He's saying ugly, disrespectufl things to the person he is supposed to love most. And HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. Period.
Healthy people do not tap into that kind of nastiness and rage when they get angry. He has serious problems that are not going to get solved because he feels contrite or makes you a promise. He can make all of the promises he wants, but when he gets mad, he loses control and all of those promises will go right out of the window.
Look, all I can say is, cut your losses. You must leave this man. Three years seems like a long time, but consider this: You will be in the EXACT SAME POSITION a year from now and the you'll have wasted another year with this man.
I do believe that, even people like your boyfriend, can be helped through serious therapy with the right person. But this is an intense challenge and requires a lot of maturity and strength from both of you. To be honest, I don't think either of you are ready for that.
You need to focus on taking care of yourself. Reconnect with your friends and family. Get involved in new activities. And when you end this relationship, do it cold turkey. Don't try to be "friends" or help him. Keep thinking of what advice you would give a friend in the same position. And every time you want to call him or give in to him, write your thoughts down in a journal or call a friend instead.
You can do this. I wish you lots of good luck.
2006-08-30 07:49:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Inhibitions are let go when people are intoxicated. Its possible that this is how he really feels and when he became drunk, all those feelings came out. You should not have to put up with that kind of abuse from anyone. If he truly loved you, he would not say those things to you or about people of your race anytime, drunk or sober. I would dump him. You deserve someone who respects you. You are a strong woman, and will find someone much more worthy. Good luck sweetie, and stay strong!!
2006-08-30 07:31:43 · answer #3 · answered by Camille 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about the fact that his words are racist in nature...
He is verbally abusive, compulsive, has no control over his anger, and cannot seem to gauge how much is too much to drink--and i'm perceiving all this from your words...you know, of course more than i could imagine or care to know.
Is this someone you want to be dealing with in 10 more months, 10 more years?
2006-08-30 07:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by FavoredbyU 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To ask this question I worry about you not your BF. What do you think about yourself. In regards to your selfworth? If you loved you then you would not accept this from ANYONE. The fact that you are asking yourself exposes the lack of attention you give yourself. Love is not a feeling or emotion though they both are adversely affected by it. Love is a choice. Love is CHOOSING to be RESPONSIBLE for someone else's emotions. He has shown repeatedly that he does not give a damn about yours. Since he won't be....when will you be?
You don't need validation when you've been given an education!
Good Luck
Phantom
2006-08-30 07:34:16 · answer #5 · answered by phantom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him immediately! If he's done it before and apologized for it only to do it again over and over, it will never stop. And alcohol is like truth serum. What he really thinks is revealed when he's drunk and angry. Get rid of him! He's an abuser!
2006-08-30 07:24:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if he is verbally/mentally abusing you. What's next, hitting you and then saying he is "sorry", he was just angry? And then killing you, but he's sorry because he was drunk and angry and didn't mean it? No one should put up with that. Please get away from him, it sounds as if he has unresolved issues about himself, and he will only continue to take it out on you. Find a support group or friends/family to help if you don't feel you can do it on your own.
2006-08-30 07:28:28 · answer #7 · answered by noambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do I think he is a racist? Not as much as I thing he is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and makes good people into assholes. This will get worse. You need to practice a little tough love. Do not sacrifice yourself for him. He needs help and won't get it if you put up with this behavior.
2006-08-30 07:26:39 · answer #8 · answered by Olivia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but if my husband ever called me a ***** I would leave straight up. And with this racist issue, I would leave too. A man cannot love you if he is constantly calling you names like that. I wouldn't put up for it for a minute. He may have been "angry" but thats not a good excuse. I would advise you to leave, b/c it's just going to continue everytime he gets "angry"
2006-08-30 07:26:33 · answer #9 · answered by lillady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would dump him because being drunk is not an excuse for such behavior and it's irresponsible as well. You need to be respected not only as a person but by who you are and what you represent. Good Luck!!!
2006-08-30 07:27:36 · answer #10 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sorry to say this to you wake up do you think he's going to change. Well I don't think he can if he can't even hide his racist side from I just wonder wot he says to his friends,.
Dump the guy before something worse happens.
2006-08-30 07:26:09 · answer #11 · answered by TheCruiserBoy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋