I recently divorced and only started seeing this guy for fun and intimacy. Wasnt keen on him being married but once I met his spouse she seemed really cool with his lifestyle and me. So I've been dating him but I am not sure I am for a threesome type of relationship. I have shared my feelings with him and at times think to break up with him but I've gotten totally attached to him at this point. What to do? In so many aspects he's perfect for me but hes married. Besides, I dont know if I'm up for " sharing " my man with someone. But I've been dealing with so much loneliness lately. What to do?
2006-08-30 07:15:30 · 18 answers · asked by Uncertainty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I agree with waldanen2002 and Racer X. So long as you enjoy being with him, and you understand that he will never leave his wife for you, then you can be intimate friends and still date other men in hopes of finding a husband. Just keep in mind that so long as you are not comfortable with sharing, you will eventually have to end the sexual aspect of the relationship. On the other hand, you might find a man you want to marry who is also open to polyamory. This opens up the possibility of a ‘quad’. This can be a very stable arrangement because each person in the quad has their own primary, which can lend a sense of security for everyone. In this case you may find that you are no longer uncomfortable with the idea of sharing, so long as it is limited to the quad. My point is that your feelings about sharing may evolve over time as you become more familiar with the nature of poly relationships. Don’t commit yourself to anything that you don’t like, but on the other hand don’t close your mind completely to alternatives. Do some reading about poly relationships, join some Yahoo groups that are open to poly lifestyles, talk to people who have experience with alternative lifestyles. If, after all of this, you still can’t feel comfortable with polyamory, then you might ultimately have to leave your lover and aim for more traditional monogamy. I’m mostly suggesting that you should give yourself some time to adjust to the idea of poly because society does not prepare you for this, so the psychological transition (if you are able to do it) may require more time and self-reflection than more mainstream types of decisions. My bottom line suggestion: stay with your lover for now, do some research, look for a husband and stay open-minded about the possibility of a quad, if your husband happens to be open to it as well.
2006-09-01 04:03:45 · answer #1 · answered by eroticohio 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Definitely only you can answer that yourself. Follow your gut feeling.
Polyamory has it's advantages, but it takes a certain kind of person to handle it, and being the third in the relationship (because most polys have their "primary" partner) can be really tough. No matter what you are not his wife. If that is what you want to be then you should break it off and find someone that isn't poly. If you are really okay with the situation as it is, then great, continue. If it is fulfilling a need right now, then roll with it. Just keep in mind that he is a boyfriend and will never be your husband and you will always be in control of the situation and it will all work out okay.
2006-08-30 15:56:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've had my share of married men and I've learned one very important thing. They always will pick her over you. Do you really think he would leave her and be with only you if you asked him to. Most men that are into swinging love the thrill of seeing two women at once but you have to remember he is married to her and you will always come second. You can do so much better. There is someone out there who will love and care for you that way that you deserve. Good luck with everything.
2006-08-30 07:20:45 · answer #3 · answered by Cool Callie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do Not Settle for anything less than what you want. Do you really want to deal with that drama? To me, a polygamist is an insecure man who preys on even more insecure women to make him feel more like the man he'll never be. You know you don't want to share, so why should you? Too many men out there do settle for that. Leave him to his "sharing a man cause I'm not confidant enough to get one on my own" women. and clear your path for your Mr. Monogamist/Mr. Right. Good Luck.
2006-08-30 07:26:30 · answer #4 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I'm a guy. and i have seen a lot of my homeboys in a situation like this. the best thing i can tell you to do is. ask him do he wants to be with you or her. or i would suggest that you leave him. because you deserve so much better in life than some man that thinks hes a player. because that all you and his wife are doing. you are making him think that he is the finest thing around. i wouldn't be surprise if he is cheating on you and his wife in the streets with some other female. i also suggest that you go get a std/HIV test. if you have had unprotected sex with him. because i don't think that he is using protection with his wife.
2006-08-30 07:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by down2away 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
seriously?
drop this guy b/c he'll probably get in trouble someday. on top of that, think of these factors: if he's married and she's ok w/ it, you'll have to learn to be ok w/ him dating someone else and you later on and if you're not comfortable w/ threesomes, that could be a problem too.
i'm sorry about your loneliness, but this guy is bad news and needs to be removed from your life.
2006-08-30 07:19:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're already sharing him. Whatever feelings you've got, good bad or indifferent, are only going to fester as time goes on. Deal with the fact you have to share him, and if dealing with that means leaving, leave.
2006-08-30 07:20:38 · answer #7 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go find another man... he is ok with polyamory, that means he wont get pissed if you look for a man on the side... when you find him, if he is good enough to replace this other guy, then dump the married guy. No more lonliness and no need to share. :)
2006-08-30 07:19:04 · answer #8 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your guy should respect your feelings about Polyamory; not everyone will go along with it and he should respect that - it's a price you pay for trying to date as a married person.
- Been there, done that for 15yrs
2006-08-30 07:20:00 · answer #9 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously they are comfortable with the situation so he isn't about to choose between the two of you. And even if he did, you would come up with the short stick.
Leave him and find someone else who wants to be with only you.
2006-08-30 07:18:29 · answer #10 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋