she has no job and barely keeps the house clean. lets her kids just run around eating and drinking in every room. if i say something she flys off the handle at me. she shoved me last nite, we got into a physical altercation. she called me a crazy f**** ***** and left the house. this all in front of the kids. i need help. i can't kick her out there's no place for her to go except to illinois with her dad. then i would never see the kids. it's driving me crazy.
2006-08-30 06:36:53 · 21 answers · asked by katwoman0463 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Having been the "daughter" in the situation the best advice I can give you is that, if she is not respecting you or her children by lashing out at you and being physical then she does not need to be in your house. Just because she has no where to go does not mean you should pity her.I know you desperately love your grandchildren but she does not seem to be putting them first in her life, much less herself. If she was, then she would be looking for a job and being a responsible adult just like you are. I am beginning to wonder if maybe it would be best if for the time being she went to take some anger management classes or talk to someone about her issues. If this continues God knows what will happen to her or her children. Her children also need to learn discipline. If they are in your house, your rules, if your daughter does not like it , she knows where the door is. Disrespect regardless if she is your daughter should not be tolerated. You are her mother don't let her run over you. Be strong ! Good luck !
2006-08-30 06:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by rmjunk24 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
23 with kids and no job, Why doesn't she have a job?? does she get money for these kids ?? Well first of all your daughter probably knows that you will not kick her out, so that gives her the upper hand, even though she is being very disrespectful, rude and unappreciative. That type of personality doesn't happen over night, she probably has been that way, and you have allowed it. So either you just deal with it.. or you sit her down and make some rules, that goes for everyone !! This is your home and if she is going to live there, she and the kids need to follow them, if not Guess what ?? move back to Illinois and see how long her father puts up with her and the kids. but you have to follow through and not back down, or you will be complaining and fighting with her until she moves out, which probably won't happen cause she has it made there.. You need to start acting like a parent, because obviously your daughter doesn't know how and these poor kids are suffering.. and will continue the cycle. Good luck and take a deep breath and be firm. you can do it !!
2006-08-30 06:48:20 · answer #2 · answered by Bec 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her if she lays a hand on you again that you will call the police and have her arrested. Lay down the line. If she is not working then she needs to help with the housework. Let her know that there is no eating or drinking other than in the kitchen. Make a list of the rules that you expect her to follow if she is going to continue to live in your house. If she doesn't knuckle down then kick her sorry self out. She is lucky that you are providing a home for her and her children. The least she could be would be grateful and follow a few simple and polite rules of behaviour.
2006-08-30 06:45:49 · answer #3 · answered by SunFun 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not a good situation for any of you. I strongly urge you both to seek some family counseling. Sounds like she's got some anger issues, possibly having a hard time coping. The messiness is a clue (symptomatic). I think some sort of family counseling will help with the aggression and stress. Ground rules, and compromises need to be made. I agree with everyone else here in that she should be looking for a job. Her being indigent is grounds for CPS to come in and take her children away from BOTH of you unless you somehow intervene and help your daughter or become a guardian of her children. Most importantly, both of you need to be respectful of each other as adults. She can not undermine you in your own house, that should be clear. Family counseling! Good luck.
2006-08-30 06:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, that is a grateful daughter! You provide her shelter and probably food, and she yells at YOU?
YOu need a break, and SHE DESPERATELY NEEDS THERAPY.
But really, what she needs is a JOB and a place of her own. She is never going to let you tell her what to do, but it is YOUR HOUSE and you can make her leave. She's 23, she needs to learn to support HER family. You've already raised her!! You are not obligated, and if she is physically violent with YOU, she might do the same to her kids. She needs therapy. She can get government assistance to help her with unemployment checks, and finding low cost housing. She needs to get out, pull up her boot straps and take care of her own.
2006-08-30 06:41:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick her out.
It's a difficult choice but one that needs to be made. 23yr olds should not act like this. I know your thinking about the kids.. but unless the mom is forced to grow up and take responsiblity then she never will and the kids will be worse than her.
Tough love is called for her.
Oh.. don't get violent... but if she argues and she shoves or hits you.. call the police. They will come.. haul her sorry butt off and give you custody of the kids.
Good luck!
2006-08-30 06:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by wrkey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As mother and grandmother you of course want to do what is best for them, and protect them, too. Unfortunately, what protecting them does not seem to be what is best for them. She is setting a horrible example for her children, and while you want to make sure she and the kids are safe, she as their mother will do what she needs to do to take care of her children (I hope). This means laying down the law and if she doesn't abide by your rules and treat you and your home with respect, then allow her to go live with her dad. His rules won't be much different, and she will then realize you are right and miss the structure you provide, and she'll be back. Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes, so let her make them and show her the way.
2006-08-30 06:49:36 · answer #7 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you are going to have to set up some ground rules. If she's going to live with you, she is not going to disrespect you or your home, she is going to keep her area tidy, and the kids will have to obey house rules as well. Doesn't sound like she is setting a good example for the kids...someday they will treat her the same way she is treating you...is that what she wants?
2006-08-30 06:41:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when she left did she take her kids. i moved back in with my mom when i had small kids it hard on both. but first she should not of touched u let her know that u wont put up with it u can kick her out and let the kids stay with u until she gets on her feet. she needs to grow up get a job and clean up after her kids.
2006-08-30 06:42:20 · answer #9 · answered by robin w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well point blank you have to set down some ground rules and if she cant abide by them they tell her to leave...if she pushes you again or hits you call the cops and file charges and also seek temp custody of the grand-kids.
tell her she has to get a job, she has to pick up after herself and the kids be firm tough love is hard and it might be that you might lose contact with the grand kids for a while if she chooses to go to her dad's but you don't deserve to be abused either
2006-08-30 06:42:59 · answer #10 · answered by ladysilverhorn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋