After I was hit by my ex boyfriend, I don't see how I can ever trust another guy. My ex seemed so sweet but had me fooled. Have you or anyone you've know gone through this? How did they trust again?
2006-08-30 04:57:49 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
JustoffBC I hope you see this. I tried emailing you but you don't have it enabled. PLEASE I am begging you to leave him. I stayed with him until he beat me so badly he almost killed me! Since I left I am so happy. Happier then I've been in years!!! I thought I didn't have the strength to leave but I did. It just gets worse and worse. They push how badly they beat you to higher levels each time. Please get out.
2006-08-30 05:06:11 · update #1
Boy, I didn't realize there were some good people on here. Thank you for your advice. I'm sorry to hear how many have gone through the same.
2006-08-30 05:29:23 · update #2
Yes it is possible to get over it. First of all you did the right thing when you made it "Ex Boyfriend". You obviously did not know enough about this guy before you hooked up with him.
It is ok to be " A little hard to get". Don't rush into relationships, because of any special need you may have.
If you want a decent relationship, you must know how that person will react to stressful situations. If he blows up at the slightest sign of a difficulty, forget about him.
Being able to calmly handle stress is very important. That is what you should be looking for in a man. Don't worry how good looking he may be, just find out how he spends his leisure time.
If he is the type that is creative and likes to learn about things, you are better off than with someone whose idea of entertainment is sitting on his butt watching a football game.
Go for the Intellect, not the physical.
Good Luck
2006-08-30 05:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i have personally never been through this but i look at it this way. You know what you went through, and you realize how wrong he was to treat you this way. What a wonderful job so far !!! Now you must realize that every person you will ever meet is their own person and deserves their own chances in your life. If we all held other people's mistakes against everyone else in this world, what a very lonely place this would be.. I am glad you got away from him, and I truly hope that you can learn to trust others again. You can and you will, just trust that things don't always have to turn out bad. There are many good people in this world, and they will find their way into your life !!
2006-08-30 05:05:03 · answer #2 · answered by OnE GiRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take a long time to trust again, trust me I know, but don't give up on love totally. All you have to do is look for the signs that your ex had, maybe he acted nice toward you when you first met him but seemed to have a short fuse when he got upset about someone or something? Well I think you should go ahead & date or whatever you want to do, just make sure they know you're not really ready to get into anything serious. If they're willing to wait it out with you then I say give it a try. But if they think you're wasting their time........NEXT! There are too many others who would gladly wait! Also if I were you I wouldn't say I was in an abusive relationship until a while later, because they may purposely try to treat you really good just to "impress" you, but they'll always know inside that you're vulnerable. So don't give them the heads up too soon. Making friends who you may fall in love with later is better than falling in love with someone who you don't know too much about. So just take your time with it but have fun. Remember it's "your" life, so do what makes you happy! -Good Luck!
2006-08-30 05:09:53 · answer #3 · answered by ladysaz2002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, I answer this from a personal stand point. I was abused in 3 of my relationships even shot once by a guy I was living with that said he loved me.
Yes, you can trust again you will heal in time baby girl. I am married now to a man that babies me to death. And as that guy said "not all men are the same". There is one man out there for you, you need to trust in god, as he says in the bible "Seek ye the kingdom of god and the rest shall follow". Get to know you better and the man of your dreams will just one day show up for you.
Yet, there I would advice you to seek some professional help to over come this and learn to forgive this man, now I know he treated you wrong, but you need to forgive him for your sake not his, don't let all that has happened turn to bitterness this will make your life a living hell and you don't need that. If you would like to talk more about this send me an email I will help best I can.
2006-08-30 05:05:14 · answer #4 · answered by hwyshoney_2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have known someone very close to me who was in a very abusive relationship and I was there with her every step of the way. Can you recover YES! It will take time and effort on your behalf not to allow this person who abused you to take up any more negative space in your life.
Start by telling yourself every morning and afternoon and evening that you are a beautiful person and you are deserving of a wonderful life with a loving partner. At first it may seem silly and you may not believe it but keep doing it and soon you will believe it.
At this moment while your still recovering concintrate on you and start doing things for you, Like maybe seeing a couseler or a pshycologist if its aforable- they can help you sort out your feeling and help you rebuild trust.
Remember that it was never your fault! Keep that in your mind as you let time go by. You will never forget the experience but you can learn to put it behind you.
Also there are wonderful books out there on this very subject that will help you to see that you can learn to trust in a relationship again. Go to your library or book store and find a couple and read them and listen to what they are saying and work at it.
Time and effort will help you to be the person you were before this person took trust away from you.
I,ve seen this work and now my aquaintence has a wonderful relationship with a loving and caring man whom she loves and trusts completely.
2006-08-30 05:20:08 · answer #5 · answered by ~♥ L ♥~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible...I was married to an abusive man and literally barely escaped with my life. My divorce was final in 2000 and it took me 4 years just to begin dating someone...now it's 2006 and I'm truly in love. It takes time and a whole lot of work to truly heal. I went to therapy, I belong to a support group for battered women and I volunteer at the local battered women's shelter. Seeing other women go through the same thing gave me a whole lot of strength because it showed me that I was NOT alone.
There's no secret to be able to trust again - it just takes time. Healing is the most important part, go slow..don't rush into anything until you feel like you are truly ready..and remember not ALL men are bad.
My thoughts & prayers are with you...Marilyn
2006-08-30 05:05:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must regain self confidence in yourself before you can truly get over an abusive relationship. Some people drawn towards abusive people, it's not your fault. There is a cycle of abuse that occurs throughout life. People with abusive parents tend to find someone who is abusive . that's what they believe is a normal relationship. You must break that cycle through therapy, self confidence and realizing how beautiful a person you are. Most abused people are co dependent, they need to be in a relationship and stay there just to be in a relationship. Get away from the cycle. be in charge of your life and like yourself!!
2006-08-30 05:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by exel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never been hit, by my husband, so i really dont know. I have had a friend that had this problem. and now that they are not together, she has moved on and has no problem with men. I think that it is all in your heart, when you get ready to trust someone again then maybe that means that they are the right one for you. But dont go looking for all of the wrong things in a man
2006-08-30 05:02:12 · answer #8 · answered by bdmrplemons 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It comes over time. But, there is nothing wrong with always having it in the back of your mind that NO ONE EVER has the right to hurt you ever. That way if you are ever unfortnuate enough to be abused again at some point in the future you'll be prepared and strong enough to walk out of the situation completely. Good luck, there are good men out there who will treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve.
2006-08-30 05:01:11 · answer #9 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you had to have such an experience. You have to grow, develop and become stronger from this. There are so many good, honest, caring people in the world that do not resort to violence of any kind. You will find the right man, forget that other one and move on now.
2006-08-30 05:02:30 · answer #10 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋