got a little problem with my mom?

Question

my mom is always yelling at me. afterwards she says she is sorry for losing it at me and she doesnt mean what she said, etc, etc. in essence she apologizes and says she was wrong for yelling at me so much. then later, she will start again. when i remind her of what she just said, she denies it and says 'but your wrong too'. ok, i accept i am wrong sometimes, but this is getting ridiculous. she is never satisfied untill i begin to cry, and then she taunts me and says that i cant cry for every little thing. then when she cools down she tries to hug me and stuff and says it ok and shes sorry. the whole thing again. im not an easy forgiver and i tend to hold on to bitterness a long time afterwards. any ideas on how to handle my mom's shouting?

ok......my mom will not admit shes got a problem with her temper.....she wont go to a councellor. she says we can work thru this 'together', but the truth is, i dont want her in my life.

i'm 15. my parents are divorced. though ive told my dad, he cant really do anything as he lives in USA and im in india. the only thing is that she wont listen. thats the real problem. she says sorry but then just does it again.

Answer 1

Ignore it.
Zone out.
Don't listen to it.
Tell her that you are ignoring her. Tell her that you will continue to ignore her if she insists on handling her anger this way.
It's hurtful, and obviously her approach is not fixing her issues.
Tell her that when she can calmly discuss the situation, like the adult that she's supposed to be, then you would be happy to hear what she has to say.
Until then, play your magical, invisible IPod. You can see her mouth moving, but you can't hear a darn word she's yelling!
Right now, she does her outburst, gets the desired reaction from you (crying), says she's sorry, assumes that she's forgiven, and therefore there are no consequences to her outburst. So, she can continue this little verbal assault repeatedly, for all eternity.
Shut her down. Stare blankly at her. Let her know with your eyes and your body language that you're done with her. She needs to know that she'll suffer for blowing up like that. Not you, not ever again. If she tries to apologize after a blow up, tell her that saying the words "I'm sorry" isn't good enough anymore. Tell her that this behavior needs to stop. You'd like the opportunity to correct whatever is wrong, but that you can't do that by allowing her to be verbally abusive. She needs a new approach.
Hope that helps you.

Answer 2

I've got a similar problem with my mum. I love my mum and I know she loves me but some how we just keep arguing with her and sometimes I end up saying something I wish I hadn't...but once the words leave your mouth you can't take them back and no amount of apologizing can change that. She will forgive you cos she is your mum and she loves you but being human she may find it hard to forget. Don't try make it look like your mum has the problem obviously she doesn't yell at you for no reason. You must have upset her in some way. Before you talk back to your mum think of all the things she has done for you. Any mum would give up her life for her kids. When you talk back to her it breaks her heart and forces her to yell at you. Then you get angry and probably yell back...and that just angers her more. She is proably the way she is because of how you treat her. She is the parent and you are the child so more often than not she will be right.

Adults hold on to bitterness much longer than kids..so be careful not to say something you wish you hadn't. I have made my mum cry at times and it breaks my heart cos I know she forgives me but will probably never forget. You too will have kids someday... think about what if your child, whom you carried around in you for nine months and gave him/her the best you could, dares talk back to you wouldn't it hurt you? Then think about what you are doing to your mum.

Am not saying she is innocent on all this but you probably have the problem not your mum. Of course she loves you...just think about it. The only way you can repay all that your parents have done for you is by listening to what they tell you without question. Am not trying to preach but "honor your father and mother" has a promise attached to it.

Answer 3

Your mother is having some kind of mental problem. Is she menopausal? A drinker? Takes medication? Needs medication? Was she always like this? Perhaps you should think about living with relatives, sometimes even if we love our parents it would be best somewhere else if they cannot behave like the parent. Don't accept this dear, you are the child and if you control your temper you are doing your part, she is a parent and should have more control over her childish and abusive actions. Go talk to someone you trust that can help. Email me if you need an *ear*. Good luck dear.

Answer 4

The way you describe it sounds as though you're mother lacks control of her emotional expressions. It sounds like a potentially damaging cycle to be in. You need to seek out a school or church counselor, who can help you cope and possibly recommend something to your mom. I don't want to make excuses for her, if it's exactly how you say it is. Hang in there. Moms don't always make sense. When we're overwhelmed, we tend to lose sight of others around us. Don't give up on her. Know that she loves you, but this is not something you can fix by yourself.

Also, know that you are not obligated to accept every apology, nor forget immediately. You have a right to your pain and anger; you just don't have a right to abuse others with the expression of it.

Answer 5

Your mom sounds like she is suffering from depression. Sever mood swings is a classic example of this. Next time she is in her "remorse" mode, right then tell her of your concerns about her behavior and the affect it is having on your relationship with her and your own self-esteem. There is a good OTC herb called "St. Johns Wort" that may help her mood swings.
Meanwhile, try not to hold on to negative feelings. They only weaken you. A lot of parents have the same problem as you with their young children. By the time a child has worked through a temper-tantrum, you are so worked up you don't want to give them the hug they want. It is hard to de-personalize and not react to another's "fit", but you have to for your own sake and theirs.

Answer 6

Hey, Im sorry about ur mom, but it sounds as if she needs to talk to someone and not just take it out on you. My mom used to be annoyed and get incredibly stressed all the time. This may not seem like the best solution but honestly it could work well. Someone like a homeopath could help her talk things through and help her to destress, so you r not just suggesting she sees a shrink which she might get even more angry wiv, hope this helps, best of luck.

Answer 7

Sometimes mother yells just to get there point across to you especially when you are doing something wrong and you just continue afterwards she has already told you not to do it. She is not trying to hurt your feelings, maybe by her yelling it makes her feel better to get the point across to you. But continuation of this need to stop. Have a long talk with your mother and tell her again how this is making you feel by her yelling at you everytime something you does is wrong. Try to decrease some of your wronginess cause you know for yourself what is going to happen when you do wrong things.

Answer 8

It sounds like your mom has a mental problem and you are dealing with after effects of it. She may not know that she has a problem. You should let her know that her behavior is very abusive to you and maybe she should seek some help for her sake and yours. My mom was the same way and after many years she decided she couldn't live with the way she was and got help. I was glad she did because she found out she had a problem and it was hereditary and can be passed down to us. We all had to get counseling because we all suffer from the same thing, just different versions of it.

Answer 9

I know how you feel. my mom is almost the same way. my mom likes to shout at everyone not just me, she doesn't know how to have a civilized conversation,it always ends up in yelling. Nothing can please her. my mom also likes to my up stories and eventually she believes them herself. I'm tired and want to disown her at times as well.That will only make it worse. She does need help. How old are you? if you are able to leave her then make a threat, tell her that if she doesn't calm down and get help then you will be forced to cut her out of your life because you don't need the drama. good luck

oh, If you ever wanna talk I'm here to listen.

Answer 10

I feel very bad for you. It sounds like your mom has some emotional issues and she is abusing you. Especially when she taunts you for crying. If you speak with a school counseler or another trusted adult they should be able to help you. Don't give up, keep asking until somebody helps. Nobody should ever have to be abused, especially not kids.