how do I get my g/f to try to lose weight?

Question

we're in a long term relationship, both overweight, her more than me. i've started dieting/exercising properly (was and still am playing team sports) but all i get from her is lip service saying she'll start tomorrow. i dont want to hurt her feelings, and i love her no matter what, but she's starting to not look as attractive as she used to with the extra weight. i know it makes me sound shallow and all that, but i love her dearly. i've tried coaxing her, promised her i'd buy her treats, tried scaring her about the health effects but nothing is working. i'm finding myself less attracted to her physically as i am to her mentally and emotionally. you can say what you like about me but ladies if it was the other way around you'd say the same thing. any ideas?

Answer 1

Sadly no one can really get her to start dieting until she is ready .. because it will ulitmately be doomed from the start. Find away to motivate her but don't push her.. because if you are pushing her she will lack more self esteem and she may in return become a emotional eater. Also maybe take her to a Weight Watchers Meeting, maybe all the support there will help.

Either way, if you love her then you would love her fat or thin.

Hugs Mel (Loving Memory of My Son, My Angel, Zachary)

Don't judge my comment to the dedication of my son like this idiot -> http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoZzyqw61dXPF1.ZDFJbEsDsy6IX?qid=20060829033342AAIaG9w

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Hi ya... Its a tough one. Us ladies HATE the weight issue and the more you tell us about it the fatter we get. You have been warned. So you have to handle this very smartly....... You have to lip it and stop nagging her about it. The more you tell her that her weight is an issue... the more she thinks you dont love REALLY... the more depressed she ll get... the more she will eat. That has to stop, it will drive both of you mad and futher apart.
Just because you have seen the light, does not mean she will. You have to give her space and let her think it was her idea. I doubt very much your girlfriend is happy with her weight and us girls do want our boys to fancy us so these both work in your favour. Start doing thing s together, bike rides, walking the dog, game of tennis... the more romantic the better. Put it forward as ' together' time instead of excercise. I know that sound sneaky.... but it is a lifestyle change and I am sure you would rather you done more active things together so that you are both healthier and around for longer. Do you live together... change the diet. Cook her a nice meal... Fish and salad or whatever and get into the habit of cutting out the junk. Try and cut out the snacks. Its a killer... but it does work. Once she loses a little she will feel better, tell her how fabuluos she and make her feel special. Love is not about weight, there are times us ladies will put it on... and times we will work hard to get it off. Dont make fattness the centre of your world PLEASE. I know being heavier is not attracive for some people, but dont throw the away a great relationship over that. She Probably wants to do all the things you want her to do, she just needs encouragement, support and the knowledge that its not the defining issue in your relationship. Good luck to the two of you! x

Answer 4

That isn't shallow. Being overweight can lead to lots of health problems and physical discomfort. I'm glad you are making moves to lose weight, and she should be too. Her lip service is not likely to encourage you. I think it would be nice if you had both gone into it together so you can help each other with the ups and down of weight loss trials.

They may be ther reasons why she is not getting into the weight-loss band waggon. Maybe she apprehensive, scared she wouldn't succeed, so she doesn't try, that way she can't fail. Are you competitive? If you are it may help to tone it down as she may have a fear if losing to you. Keep being persistent though.

Also, talk to he about how you feel and about the attaction issue, reassure her that you still love her but as for lusting after her you not sure. I do understand how you feel, though Anorexic people are hardly attractive sometimes if you go to the other end of the scale it has the same effect of putting people off.

Do you live together? If so try changing the stock of food in the fridge, no ready meal e.t.c take away is expensive to order so she'll just have to eat healthy, some people don't like exercising so that may be an easier way to lose weight.

Answer 5

What you're doing is not helping her- whether you know it or not. She probably feels bad about herself and you nagging her is not going to do anything other than hurt her.

On your other question you say you're also pressuring her into sexual stuff that she really doesn't like, and yet another question ponderously wondering as to why her sex drive has suddenly dropped. Well I wonder why that could be?

Perhaps her sadness, lack of motivation and tendancy to put on weight could be connected to the fact that you're spending a lot of time whittling away at her self esteem

I really think you need to stop it and possibly think more about your own self and why you feel the need to constantly put somebody else down? Because that's what you're doing

Learn to appreciate her for who she is instead of changing her into whatever you want her to be. She will NEVER be happy with herself if you are there comparing her sexual technique to your old girlfriends and telling her that she's fat and lazy! Can you not see that what you are doing is boarderline abusive?

If you don't stop it she will leave you sooner or later

i hope you sort it out

S
x

Answer 6

I don't know if there is a way to get her to change without her deciding she has to do it herself. Otherwise there'd be a lot less fat coupled women around.

Since she has talked about how she wants to lose weight, maybe you can ask her directly what you can do to help. Or point blank ask her if she's serious about losing weight. There's no guarantee that she'll change in the way you'd like her to change, or that the weight will come off fast enough to make you happy, or that she'll keep with it once she starts, with or without your help.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your time with her policing what she eats and watching her schedule and trying to exercise her like you would a pet? You probably have to decide if you can live with her as she is and stop harrassing her about her weight or decide not to settle for someone who you are no longer physically attracted to.

Answer 7

I dont see you as a bad person. It may seem shallow but you admit you love her but you just want to be attracted to her to. Maybe you could plan dates like going on a romantic hike,riding bikes, dancing some kinda of exercise that would be fun. And start bringing over dinner for 2. I dont know if you should tell her that your not attracted to her because you dont want to crush her but maybe if you tell her u feel so much better and u want to let her feel the same way. Im sorry if i didnt help but that is a hard thing to give advice on.

Answer 8

No, you are not shallow. You are trying to have a healthier life-style and wish the same for her. Don't coax or bribe or lecture. Just set an example. If you are out to dinner together, order only healthy stuff. Ask her not to eat junk food around you, because you are trying to change your eating habits. If you are constantly on the go with work-outs and playing in sports, do you ask her to go along? When you do things together, are you trying to plan dates that include hiking or walking or such? When she realizes that her unhealthy habits don't fit in with your lifestyle, then she will either start making an effort, or she'll start attacking your lifestyle. If she attacks, then you are not meant to be together.

Answer 9

i understand exactly what you are saying. That is always very tough, but the only way is to make her REALLY want to make you happy and she will lose weight. The sad, but true fact of the matter, is that she knows you love here for her so she feels she doesnt really need to go through all that work anyway. If you guys--AT ANY POINT in time had any sexual fantasies, doings, like your first kiss or something, tell her that, "I wish we were as young, (keyword) thin, and as happy as we were back then." Start acting like you are hiding a little secret, and she will soon WANT to lose weight so you will want her even more. But showing her you will love her no matter what (which IS VERY sweet by the way) will just keep her the same. Do little things very gradually, like instead of going to dinner for a date, go to a movie and just have popcorn for dinner as you guys have fun. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

I'm willing to bet that if you didn't start dieting and losing weight, her weight wouldn't bother you. But because your dropping the pounds you expect it from her too. That is very shallow of you. Just remember, you both fell in love with eachother just the way you were. So just because your losing weight and she's not.... your falling out of love? You said you love her know matter what. That's not what it sounds like to me. Nobody forced you to diet, you decided that for yourself. You can't force her to lose weight, she has to do it when she's ready. And if you can't support her feelings then your not the man she thought you were. Your not only losing the fat your also losing your decency and becoming more and more shallow with every pound you lose. She accepted you for how you were before you lost the weight. So be there for her whether she chooses to drop the pounds or not.