My mother says she hates me but still wants to see my kids, what would you do?

Question

I've known all my life that my mother didn't like me basically because I was born but I never thought she would go to the extent to telling my 3 young kids that (all 3 under the age of 11). Now, I refuse to let my kids around her. This is a woman that has given birth to 5 children and only has 1 left that will even talk to her. She has no remorse whatsoever on throwing away her own 4 children. She tells me to get over it and to stay out of her life. Now she wants to take me to court for grandparents rights, how well do you think that would go over with the judge? Would it be stupid of me to let my kids around her knowing that there could be a chance that the same thing could happen to them? Your opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

First, depends on what state you live in,but for the most part grandparents rights are non existent in most states.
Second, gather evidence on her odd, mean behaviours. Affidavits from other family members if need be or even just letters or emails.
If you talk with her be nice, don't tell her and record all your conversations, then when she slips into her evil self, more evidence.
Just prepare for the worse, whether you need to or not, you will feel relief knowing you did something constructive to protect your family.
Change your phone numbers. Make sure schools or daycares, and/or anywhere your kids go know that she is NOT allowed to pick them up.
If she threatens you by mail, in person, by phone, or drives by your home, then get a order of protection.
Just because she is your mother, does not give her permission to treat you like dirt. Would you let a stranger do this to you? or your children?
Explain to your children, do not leave them out of your solution. Children should know the truth, don't be petty. Just tell them Grandma has issues.
Be honest. Be brave. Be wise. Be cautious. And above all things Be the better mom and protect your kids from abuse. Verbal or physical abuse does damage to anyone.
Your a good Mom, and you know it. Good Luck!

Answer 2

It depends on what state laws you have, if you are a stable married couple, and if you have had troubles with CPS in the past or custody issues in court. Those are the factors that would make this an issue or not. Grandma can file to try for visitation rights if she has not seen the kids in the last 90 days in Missouri.
However if you are married, there is an assumption that you as a couple have more say then a grandparent and she would be wasting her $4,000 taking you to court. Unfortunately that does not apply to single parents.
What I would do is drag my kids to the doctors office for a well child check. Ask for a copy of their physical exam form, just tell your dr it is for school or preschool class. That way someone has looked over your kids to see they are healthy and that you are taking good care of them. If they need any kind of trip to the eye dr or dental cleaning drag them there too. Take them to Church or a mommy and me group. Those are the kinds of activities a judge would want to see that are easy to prove good parenting in court. If the judge sees you are doing these things, they are likely to dismiss grandma's request for a court ordered visitation because they do not want to disrupt the kids routine especially if they are lil ones. Don't make this about you vs your mom. Make this about what is the best use of the children's time. There is a really good book by Susan Forward called Toxic Parents. Look for it at your library, she has some great suggestions in how to talk to family to diffuse a situation like this. Some women are lousy moms and better at being grandmas. You don't want your children to be hurt like you were and that is not stupid. Also you do not want her to undermine your parenting by belittling you verbally with the kids. If she does take you to court, maybe request some family counseling for her before she is allowed unsupervised visits.
Don't forget to register to VOTE and vote for people that support parent's rights in your local elections. It can make a difference.

Answer 3

At first, when I read the question, I was going to say don't let your kids miss out on a relationship with their grandma, but after reading the details, I say to heck with her. You are right to want to keep your kids as far away from her as possible. If you're worried about her taking you to court then talk to a lawyer. Actually talk to a few lawyers so you can get a better idea of what may happen. Most lawyers offer free consultations. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think you and your siblings should have an intervention on sorts, everyone make a list of the things she has down over the years that are cruel and hurtful, and have a family counselor their to help mediate, make her see what she says and does effects other people, then make the agreement that if she improves after a few counseling session, that she can have supervised visited to start and then down the road, maybe she can take the kids on her own, any judge is going to find this fair, and having the third neutral party will help your case if she refuses to change and still want to fight for visitation

Answer 5

Under most circumstances with battling parents and grandparents, I would say let the kids see their grandparents, but this case is a little different. Not only does your mother not like you, she tells this to your children. They don't need to hear that and you don't need to be subjected to it. No, you shouldn't let her see them and let her know that in no uncertain terms. If she stops by, don't let her in. If she calls, don't answer. If she threatens to take you to court, let her! Let her spend all that time, money and energy to pursue visitation. Then, fight her like hell in the legal system! My guess is that she doesn't really want it. She only wants to torment you. First, not every state has grandparent rights laws on the books. If yours does, then let her file the paperwork. When you have your date in family court, have your side of the story lined up. If character witnesses are allowed, have them lined up too. She's a cancer and doesn't need to be around your kids until such time as she gets herself together emotionally and psychologically.

Answer 6

She sounds like a nut. Just present your case in front of the judge and tell him/her what kind of parent your mother was and how she has said bad things about you to your own kids. She is probably just doing this to be a pain in the rear end.

Answer 7

NO! She doesnt deserve them...Any woman who tells her grandchildren that their mother wasn't wanted isn't worthy of them...........She needs to be divorced from the daughter as a daughter legally, and therefore no grandchildren!! Even if she is found to be mental for her actions, that is also a reason to keep grandchildren from her............Let her take you to court(she pays) and when judge hears your side, they will dismiss her suit.
Don't let your children in court...They don't need to hear all the hatred on you she will tell.........

Answer 8

Stay away she's bad news, and she'll do the same to your kids. This is why she wants them over, can't do it to you no more but through your kids she still will.

Answer 9

I would do whatever it takes to keep my children from such an awful woman. I'd disappear if necessary, you can't take someone to court if they can't be served.

Answer 10

I think the judge will tell her she's full of crap. Get a lawyer and have your siblings ready to testify.