Should i ask my inlaws not to discipline my children, and leave it to me? they are generally really good..?

Question

my children are kind and good and i am happy to tell them off when they are occasionally naughty , but in laws scream and shout and bully them , and are over strict with them, should i ask them to stop?

Answer 1

My in-laws have disciplined my daughter and I have no problem with this. They have certain rules in their house and that's fine. If my husband or I are there we discipline our child. If they are babysitting then it's their house rules and I feel they have that right. They also know we are totally against HITTING of any kind and I sat down with them to agree on how our daughter should be treated if a situation arises. They are wonderful people and did a good job raising my husband. lol

Answer 2

Better discuss and agree on what is the right way to punish. Listen I wouldn't let a soul hit my kids. Nobody but nobody loves your child as much or like you do so disipline can get out of hand. Best to ask inlaws to let you know what the bad behavior is and you can deal with them the way you know is best. I had my son's grandma leave a big bruise on him once and it led to some very ugly fights and we left for a long time. The funny thing is I knew she loved him dearly and it could have been a bump while she was trying to make him come in the house, but still I had so much resentment. Avoid those ugly problems. I would tell them that you understand that they have rules and that you will back them up but if any serious punishment other than a time-out or being told to get out of grammy's good silver, is up to you and your husband.

Answer 3

YOU are the parent, not your in-laws. Not saying that they are, but whether they are better at discipline or not is irrelevant; the charge for the raising of your children is yours and no one else's. It is not their right or obligation to discipline your kids.

Now, here are some reasons why it could be HARMFUL to have them laying down their own form of discipline. First, kids need consistency as much as anything else. I'm not going to say that one style of discipline is better than another, but they all stink if they aren't consistent. If you're doing one thing and the in-laws are doing another, the poor kids are just getting mixed messages and getting confused. They do not learn in that environment. All that will ever lead to is more behavioral problems.

Also, if your in-laws are taking it upon themselves to discipline your kids, what they're really doing is undermining you as the parent. They are telling the kids that Mommy is no good at her job, so they have to fill that gap. Kids are a lot smarter than we often give them credit for; do not make the mistake of believing that they don't pick up on things like that. It is you who will have to deal with the kids when they get home and ultimately the kids who will end up suffering for the insolence that your in-laws instill.

So, bottom line, having your in-laws disciplining is going to lead to more behavioral problems, not less.

It is hard to tell your parents or your in-laws to butt out. How do you do that tactfully? Well, that's another question. But this is an issue worth working through with them. It is not fair to you or your kids not to do so.

Answer 4

Your in-laws should know to leave the discipline to you. If your children are behaving poorly at there house then they may have a right to speak to them, but if they are spanking your kids, then put a stop to it now! But if the kids are acting up at home when the in--laws are there, it is your responsibility to keep them in line. If your in-laws are doing free baby sitting, then they have a right to discipline, no spanking, they should never spank. Your in-laws are adults and the children should not think that there bad behavior will be tolerated by grand ma and grand pa. Grand parents are a great asset to have.

Answer 5

As your children's grandparents, it is good to allow them to have some authority. Children need discipline, guidance and love, and they need to learn that these things do not only come from mom and dad, but also other caring adults in their lives. It will teach your kids to respect them.

The additional facts that were added put a whole 'nother spin on things. This is an issue that you MUST ADDRESS. Yes, they do have a right to discipline your children, but not in the fashion they are currently using. They MUST understand that this will not be tolorated, and you MUST stand behind your convictions, be diligent in catching them when they yell at your kids, and make sure they know that you are keeping a close eye on them. It will be hard to keep tempers from flaring, and you will have to explain the situation to your children.

Answer 6

If your in-laws are being nice about the discipline, then I'd keep my mouth shut and bite my tongue. If they're saying something that you don't agree with, then interrupt them and discipline the kids yourself. They'll get the hint.

One thing I used to do with my three boys, was to tell them before we entered the in-laws house, to behave please and it always helped even though my boys were generally good too.

Enjoy them...they grow up quick and your question will not be one of your problems anymore, therefore, why start a confrontation.

Answer 7

HHmmm...
If you had asked this a year ago, i would have told you hands down to tell your in-laws to back off, and that those are your kids, etc, etc,.....
But the more I come into my own as a parent, I realize that one set of parents can not raise a child. It takes relatives and nieghbors and teachers..... it takes a community. I know that may sound old-fashioned, but it holds true from a psychological and sociological standpoint. OUr kids need to understand different kinds of people and how they handle conflict. It's important to learn that from those who love them, (i.e. your in-laws) so that when they begin to explore their individuality they are not suddenly and cruely shot down by strangers....
I personally do not let my relatives physically discipline my son, but if they are with him, and feel that a verbal reprimand or tim-out is necessary, I go along with it, even if i would not have reacted the same way. My son seems to respect most adults, not just me and his close family, and I think that allowing other adults to draw the line has helped with that. It has to do with learning boundaries.
I know that this can be a tough one, I feel very defensive when someone scolds my son-- it hurts!!! My mother-bear instinct comes rearing up, and I want to jump on them, tell them never to speak to my son in that manner, and then hold my little baby until he feels better....
But I know that if I were to parent in this way, I would end up with a coddled little brat who might very well find himself socially maladjusted later on-- and it would be my fault.
Hang in there!! Trust yourself to know what you're comfortable with, make it known to your in-laws, and go from there.
You are obviously a caring parent if you're bothering to think this through-- keep it up!!

Answer 8

IF you are standing right there when your child needs disciplined then you should be the one that corects them. but if your child is staying over night with your inlaws and you feel they are really good with your children then they should be able to handle the disipline at that time .

Answer 9

if u r uncomfortable w/it yes.. tell them how u discipline ur kids and let them know that they should follow in ur foot steps cause then it's consistent for the children.. just let them know that u dont' approve w/the way they go about handling situations..

but be prepared because they might take offense.. but u shouldn't care cause those r ur children not theres...

Answer 10

No, just ask them to teach YOU how to discipline your kids, that way, they will still get good discipline but from the parent, whom they need to learn to respect the most.