I was with my ex-boyfriend for 3 years, we have a beautiful daughter together but for the past 2 years he was allways mentally and emotioanlly abusing me and now for the past 4 monthes he was phisically abusing me. He went to jail and i have a restraining order against him. Yesterday i went to check the mail cause i live with my parents now and he lives in my apartment with his mom and he saw me and tried to get me to talk to him but my uncle got in the car after giving him the letters and left. He stood there watching me leave and that really got to me. I dont know what to do. It's hard because i love him but he has done so much damge to me and i keep wanting to forgive him. He was allways accusing me of cheating but yet it was the other way around, he called me names, and hit me and i still want to forgive him. How do I get him off my mind and move on?
2006-08-30 01:34:34 · 24 answers · asked by marysabel87 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Mary,
You need to reach out for help. You can make it through this but not alone. And there is no reason to do it alone.
You need to stay away from your ex-boyfriend. You may want to forgive him and someday you may be able to. Not today. You need to take care of you so that you can better take care of you and your child.
You are young (I assume) and have plenty of time. Your Ex will try anything to get you back, and he may genuinely love you, but if that relationship is meant to be, it will be and can wait.
There are agencies with counselors that can help you through this. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help.
You owe it to yourself and your child to work to become emotionally stable. Focus on that and the rest will take care of itself. FOCUS!
You are not alone and you have people that love you and care about you. People you can trust (your Uncle).
This may sound strange, but I'm pulling for you and am here for you. Just ask.
Ask for help somewhere. It will change your life.
A little prayer can't hurt either!
You and your child deserve a good life.
The best is out there for you.
2006-08-30 01:55:10 · answer #1 · answered by culpstir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two fool proof ways of getting someone off your mind. they may seem extreme, but they work:
1. Cease all communication. If you do not speak to the person for an extended time (6 months or so), it will allow you the breathing room to re-assess your life. You, in turn, will never see that person in the same light again.
2. Hook up with someone else. Sure it's harsh, but it works. Being with another person, even temporarily, allows you to distract yourself from your current situation and, again, re-evaluate your direction in life.
If you can not fathom either of these two options, you can always seek the help of a therapist. This way, you will not be going it alone. Good luck. It's so difficult to let go of the past, but if, as a previous poster mentioned, your child is in harm's way, you will be doing the right thing.
2006-08-30 08:45:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you really need to go get some professional help. I was in an abusive relationship for about 8 years... Sounds exactly the same. I was always willing to forgive him since I didn't want to break up our "family unit" - Go get help. It will only get worse. People like that do not change. It is very hard to walk away from the man you "love" but once you get out and meet new people and find out just how you are supposed to be treated by a REAL MAN... you won't want to be treated badly anymore. You are old enough to know that you do not deserve this (guessing from the 87 in your login name - thinking that must be your birth year putting you at 19) I was with my childrens father from 18-26 and the only thing I do not regret out of those years is my daughters. And the bad thing is - I can only remember the bad times. I keep telling myself that we must have had some good times.. but... I can't remember laughing and having fun. I only remember the black eye's - the accusations of cheating - him coming home smelling like some cheap perfume, ect....
You sound like you are too smart to allow someone to treat you this way. Prove it to your self that you are strong enough to walk away and do what is right for your daughter. Do you really want her to grow up in a home where daddy is accusing mommy of cheating all the time. Where she will think it is OK for Daddy to hit mommy and will think that it is OK for guys to HIT her when she gets older.
It is your job as a mom to make the best life possible for your daughter and if her dad is abusive and you are staying involved with him, than you are failing.
Sorry to speak so bluntly - but I would hate for you to look back on your life - as I do mine now at almost 35 and think - WOW - WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING ALLOWING SOMEONE TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT - ESSPECIALLY IN FRONT OF MY GIRLS> DUH!
Good luck to you and your daughter - I hope you find the strength to make it through this and you come out on the other side of the pain a stronger more confident person. I am confident that you have a great life ahead of you!
2006-08-30 08:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by Night Train 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heres a story for you, a friend of mine gets divorced and his x-wife ends up in the same situation as you, the guy becomes abusive verbally at first then physically, he accused her of cheating when eventually she caught him in bed with another woman. well bottom line is 3 weeks ago my friend received a call
freom the hospital. The guy hit her with a pot from a plant broke her jaw and cracked her cheekbone. her mouth has been wired shut since, she hasnt been able to eat anything solid and the
kids are freaked out. Now do you want to go through that, or would you like your daughter to see that? Maybe this well help you see how bad things can get if you stay with him
2006-08-30 08:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by wilfreds805 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys had a relationship regardless of how bad it might have been. You share a child together. Thats a bond right there and bonds are really hard to break sometimes. Maybe for a minute there he was trying to tell you something with the look, maybe he wanted forgiveness or something. The point is you guys had eye communication there for a bit. I can't read his mind so I don't know what he was thinking or trying to say for that matter. Frankly I think you need closure, maybe you should try talking to him but with someone else in the room. From there you should know what your final decision is and move on.
2006-08-30 08:44:15 · answer #5 · answered by dsd 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sit quietly and stare at your little girl. That's what did it for me with my son... Be strong sweetie, there are a million good men out there. By no means does your ex have the market cornered on smarts, sweets, looks, or intelligence and humor. Do something special with your daughter today. Do you want her to have to wake up in the middle of the night and hear/see those things? Do you want her going off to school and trying to do a simple math problem but keep hearing momma's cries? It is also emotional abuse to subject her to all of that. Just protect her and you too.
Ps keeping busy, maybe going back to school helps. Listen don't follow the advice of finding someone else to hook up with right away. You need time to heal and grow and it will be really hurtfull to use someone as a rebound relationship, that wouldn't be fair to them. Seriously, do something for your daughter's and your future.
2006-08-30 08:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by el 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a friend who had the same problem. it was hard on her, and she needed all the help she could get from us, her friends. it is important for you to understand that you were abused and you are now acting according to what they call "abused women syndrome" it is typical to feel as if it can get better but it will not. maybe it would last for a while but then it would only get worse, maybe even your life and of your daughter would be in danger. also this behavior is HIS and not YOUR problem. and it is not going to change. you must give it time. if you don't know what to do and have urge to go back to him, do as my friend did. call a friend and together with him/her make a list of good things you two had together and bad things that happened. then compare. but always try not to be alone in situation like this. be with someone. hope you make it all right. send my love to your little girl.
2006-08-30 08:51:53 · answer #7 · answered by ina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
am sorry about your situation, I can feel you. There is nothing as hard as being in love with a person who is abusive. Love drives you to him but his actions pull you back. Now this is tricky, you need to set yourself up and move on because although you might love him, this will not change his actions. he will instead take advantage of the fact that you are weak towards your love for him.
Please know that you are very precious in this world and there are other people who would be interested to be loved in this way and they would give back the same. Find a new life, I know its hard but thats the best way.
2006-08-30 08:46:58 · answer #8 · answered by theKenyan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you get him off your mind and move on? Well for every punch, kick, slap, and emotional roller coaster he put you thru add a year. That's the wasted time you spent with him. Take a look at how much time you have in the future with your beautiful daughter. don't you want the best life for her as well. It's not all about you now. She is in the picture and has been. Hopefully she doesn't have any emotional scarring as you do. Move on for God sake. I did! Proud to be married to a wonderful man who loves me every day of my life.
2006-08-30 08:42:15 · answer #9 · answered by mackey208 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to change these feelings. Everytime you think you love him remember why you live with your parents. Everytime you think you miss him remember why he went to jail. And everytime you want to forgive him think of five times that he hurt you. People like this do not change. He tried to control you and is doing it again. It is about power. If you go back you will have none. He didn't love you, love is not hurting or hitting, or accusing that person. Surround yourself with friends and family tell them what you feel and seek help.
2006-08-30 08:52:42 · answer #10 · answered by Mark S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋