I met a new man recently after being single for a year, and fell head over heels for him, with him feeling the same way at the time. We've been seeing each other for a few months and its been brilliant. Except at the weekend his ex got in contact asking him back, BUT she has a child (Not his) who he misses and i'm scared he'll go back just for him. The ex got him heavily into drugs, and he's only just cleaned himself up - she's a complete idiot. Normally i'd fcuk it off, but its the magic click with this guy. I've given him some space to sort his head out as i'm not willing just to give up on it. Am I doing the right thing? Anyway I could fight my corner?! I'm just stuck with what to do - its killing me as i've not fallen for someone like this in a long time.
2006-08-30 01:17:56 · 29 answers · asked by Jem 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One more thing - I know he feels alot for me as we had an honest convo about this, and thats whats mucking his head up - whether to give us a go, or to go back to the ex.
2006-08-30 01:18:37 · update #1
I see your points - i dont want to force him to stay, and will step back if he wants to get back to his ex - which I've told him.
But how can I sort my head out? And should I have just fcuked him off??
2006-08-30 01:22:09 · update #2
You have to give him time to think things out. If it's really meant to be with you two, he'll make the right choice and stay with you. If he's dumb enough to go back with this junkie, you're better off without him.
I'm saying this from experience as something similar happened to me. I waited things out and the girl made the right choice, me of course!
2006-08-30 01:21:27 · answer #1 · answered by hfacto 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for you, it must be devestating not knowing which way he is going to turn. All you can do is to give him space to decide what to do - it has to be his decision. If he decides to go back then I would say he did not really love you in the first place and although it doesn't feel like it now, it will be a blessing in disguise as you could have been in for a lot more unhappiness. He could have left you a lot further into the relationship. I can also imagine you are worried he will go back onto drugs, too, but again, it is his life and he has to take responsibility for it. Not much help to you I know. As I say, give him space to make his decision and then accept what he decides and get on with your life. The only consulation is that if he does decide to go back, then you weren't meant to be together and there will be someone else out there for you who you can be really happy with. Good luck and I hope it does work out for you.
2006-08-30 08:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah, the magic click. It's so hard to ignore that chemistry. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, and to help myself think rationally I made a list of pros and cons of trying to pursue the relationship. In my case, on the "pros" side were the chemistry and a few other things . . . on the "cons" side were the ex, the kids, the addiction, the guy's ambivalence, etc. I can't tell you what to do, but I will tell you that I decided to give up. The list helped me to see that in the long run, the relationship--if it worked at all--was going to be very difficult. It was extremely painful to walk away, but I got over it, and about a year later I met someone absolutely perfect for me (including chemistry). We were married six months ago and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. Whatever you decide, good luck!
2006-08-30 08:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you had a conversation with him and his options were to stay with you or go back to his ex, and he is considering this, hes a complete w***ker, if he loved you, he would not even be contemplating this, I would say fight your corner hunbut this man sounds messed up and she sounds messed up, doesnt he want to look forward to a clean life and maybe have his own children with someone who loves and supports him??? I think you should set the bird free, and see if he is strong enough to do the right thing, but knowing men, once youlet go, they will go back to the ex and take the easy route. Im sorry honey, good luck this is a real hard one. Become hard and give this bloke some ultimatums, you deserve better than this. If he is thinking about going back to his old stinking way of life, then let him rot, dont let him drag you down and play these mind games with you xxxxxxxx
2006-08-30 08:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by Kelly D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, if you really care for each other hold onto him. Don't give him too much space (did I really just say that?) as you don't want his ex getting her hold on him again. The trouble with drug use is that it's way too easy to get hooked on it all over again. I would be very careful when it comes to him spending any time at all with his ex. Why not invite the child to spend some time with the two of you? Since you two are very involved with each other, it would only be natural for you to take an interest in this child whom he has developed a relationship with.
2006-08-30 08:24:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just give him his time, with the understanding that you're not just going to wait around on him. You're kinda leaving the door open with a timer. It sounds like he has some major issues, not just with the X. Don't wait by the phone for his calls, or by the computer for his emails. Go on with life and see other people. If he comes back and you want to give it a go, then fine do that. If you have met someone else without all of the baggage, then tell him he messed up. Good Luck!
2006-08-30 08:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by Go Cats 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Amazing how ex partners suddenly appear on the scene when they realise their ex is coping quite well without them and have happily moved on, shes probably messing his head up right now but don't stand for it,dig your heels in and give him a ultimatum,no reason why he cant see the little one though if you cant trust him then theres no point staying together,only you can decide only my opinion remember good luck xx
2006-08-30 08:56:02 · answer #7 · answered by Joeline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground girl!! Tell him how uncomfortable you would be if he was with you but still had contact with this girl... The child is not his, he has no rights or means to support it and if he is really happy with you he should want you and only you and not let his ex get in the way or try to mess things up.
2006-08-30 08:21:52 · answer #8 · answered by sarah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't give all the power to him and the luxury of choosing. he knows what you have to offer and let him know that if he chooses to go back to his ex there's no going back to you. If he go's back to her then he's the one losing out but if he makes half hearted decisions you'll lose out as well. if it has truly clicked with him and you, then there shouldn't be any doubt in his mind where he wants to be. Let him know what he's giving up if he chooses her. and if he does go back to her at least you know he's weak and your relationship would probably have failed due to this in due course anyway. you have just saved time. I'm sure he'll choose you good luck
2006-08-30 09:11:34 · answer #9 · answered by crownose 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up yet but explain that going back to his ex will be the end. Things aren't always black and white and you are right give him space. You make your feelings known and hope he make the right decision, or at least the decision you would like him to make.
2006-08-30 08:22:00 · answer #10 · answered by Jim C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋