Is it normal to be scared before trying for a baby?

Question

I love my wife to bits and really want to have kids but am really concerned about starting a family. I have no idea about what parenting is about and am worried my life will be boring after we have kids. Having seen some of my friends lives turned upside down after them giving birth I'm not 100% sure its right for me!

Can I have some experienced and constructive comments please......my wife wants to start trying in the new year and although I have talked about my worries with her many many times she seems very confident everything will be great!

Answer 1

it's perfectly normal to be worried about having children. It's a huge step in your life and a huge step in your relationship.
you are taking a risk. But then again the most pleasing experiences in life are risks that turn out right!
i'll tell you this much once you see a little bundle of joy that you created you'll soon lose all anxiety. If you want practical advice talk to your parents, they raised you and they can certainly help you in raising yours.

Answer 2

Anything unknown is scary. So obviously such a major decision would be worrying. More so, I believe for a man, because women are made to have children. But believe me, children are the best thing in the world. Yes they are a grat responsibilty and yes sometimes your life will be turned upside down, but dont forget you are the boss not the child. A lot has to do with how you raise you child from DAY ONE. Who has any idea about parenting before they come parents? Also each child is different, so what you do with a first child is not always appropriate for a second. My advise is to go for it. You may not know it now, or even when your wife falls pregnant, but when that little baby, who is part of you and your wife and conceived in love is placed into your arms....... It will be a never ending love affair!! Good luck

Answer 3

What you're feeling is normal. It means you're aware of the responsibility you're taking in and the fact that your entire life will change. Your wife's very confident attitude is the one I'd be worried about! Its better to expect changes and problems and prepare for them rather than think its a doddle that you'll breeze through!
She'll be exhausted during the late stages of pregnancy, and she'll turn into a rabid person during second stage of labour. You'll be warned about that during anti natal classes; its down to the hormones and there are hilarious tales from the midwives. She won't remember very much about it afterwards but expect to hear her swear off sex at some point. Just nod and agree and let her squeeze your hand - don't give her the one you write with.
About 3 days after the birth she'll suddenly be a bit weepy and feeling down, they'll soon wear off and the sleep deprivation begins.
At the same time you'll both be horribly aware that the baby is small, fragile and slippery to hold especially when wet; that the world is full of concrete floors and sharp corners and electrical sockets.
You'll learn to juggle a bottle, the baby, the dinner and your other pre baby life. When your baby first looks at you and smiles you'll either feel overwhelmingly parental, or nothing. There is genuinely no way to tell before it happens.
Hold your nose and take the plunge. Nobody feels ready for it before they try.

Answer 4

well i will tell you that when you have a baby everything in your life will change, first of all if you and your wife are used to just getting up and going out then having the baby will make that difficult since you will now need a sitter,when the baby is first born your wife will be getting up through the night so your sleep pattern gets a little crazy and can make some people cranky, but on the other hand when you have a baby you will find that you will have found a new love and this is an experience that only a parent will feel you know that you love your wife but you will then feel love for the baby like you have never felt before, and if you and your like to go for long drives on the weekends take the baby as babies love to be in motion it isn't that hard to pack up an extra bag with the baby's stuff in it. once you have a child your life will definitely not be boring (this is coming from a mother to 4 children) it may be a little hectic at times and crazy but not boring, you may lose a few things like being able to go out when wanted but you will gain a new little person who you can do anything with. anyways the choice is yours but i will tell you that parenthood is the best job and most rewarding that you will ever have. if you would like to discuss parenthood further please contact me as i have 4 children (3 girls and 1 boy) 2 of them have special needs so my life can be really crazy at times but i would love to help you if i could
[e-mail]/[e-mail]

Answer 5

Gosh, I would wonder what is wrong with you if you weren't scared! Believe me, I was scared. It changes your life and your relationships in ways you can't prepare for. It's been an extremely positive experience for me and my husband though. There really is nothing quite like seeing something you helped create in love grow.

As far as parenting goes, if you're really concerned, take a class. Read every book you can get your hands on concerning the subject. A must read are the 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' series. Absolutely great reads. Also, 'Parenting With Love and Logic' for when your baby gets to be a toddler and then a teenager. You'd be surprised how much is intuitive about parenting though. It's really not as hard as it seems; it's so natural really.

Life with kids can be boring, I won't lie to you. My husband is in the military, so we travel a lot and I don't have family near to babysit, nor do I know any teenagers to babysit so we don't really get to do things just the two of us right now. We take lots of family trips though. If you have the good fortune of having someone you trust nearby to babysit, then take advantage of the opportunity at least once a month! I get really bored doing the stay at home mom thing, so I work part-time.

But having a kid or kids...can be so wonderful. My daughter is two and there's nothing like the feeling I get when she wraps her little arms around me and says, "I love you Mommy."

Answer 6

Hi,
I could go on for hours to answer your question..From experience, yes it is scary when you are discussing childbirth and pregnancy, you are bringing a baby into the world you are responsible for, to take care of, raise and nurture. But I can tell you one thing I have 3 children 18, 16 and 12 and would not trade them for anything in the world they have brought such happiness into my life. Having children expands the love you and your wife have, it does not take away from it. One thing you need to remember is even after the baby is born, not to lose the dating....that you and your wife do now, make sure once a week or so you go out together, so you don't lose the two of you. You need time for the (2) of you....and also time for the family. Good Luck and Best Wishes. You will know when the time is right.

Answer 7

Of course it's normal to be scared, I'd be concerned if you weren't. Children add a new dimension to your life, and trust me it will never be boring! You'll become so caught up in first steps, running to catch a butterfly, first snow, the list goes on and on...Have a camera ready! Yes your life will be turned upside down, but the rewards are amazing in return. Parenting is never easy, but then, what in life is? They don't come with an instruction book, although I've often wished that they did, but just go with your heart, it will tell you how to go on. Learn to pick and choose your arguments as they get older, ask yourself just how important is this in the grand scheme of things, you'll be surprised every time at your own answer. Try not to give in to knee-jerk reactions (definitely not easy), it just causes more problems than it solves.

I think it sounds like you're ready for parenthood, just a little scared. Again, don't sweat it, you'll do great with love and patience.

Best of luck.

Answer 8

TO ease your mind read a bunch of books, take classes and ask as many questions to parents you know. It only changes your life upside down for the first 6 months (unless you go out EVERY night) and then things settle down. Your priorities change, but tell your wife that you still want to be a main priority to her. I think a lot of women seem to forget their husbands, and I was almost guilty of this, until something hit me that a good relationship with him will teach my son so many good values and communication skills. Is your wife understanding if you go out with the guys, would she be willing to stay home with the baby AND Visaversa! Have a date night, get a regular babysitter, this can be hard on mommy for a while so do very short dates at first and there has to be a LOT of communications about what everyone needs, you, your wife, and your baby. OK LONG ENOUGH?? Life can be so much more enjoyable with a baby, if you dont let it CONSUME you to the point where (s)he controls all of your moves. Always in the back of your mind but need to make yourself (especially your wife) realize you still need a relationship with eachother. GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

everything will b fine it called fear of the unknown it is the same nervous feeling u get if u were going 4 an interview or saying a speech. we are all in the same boat sometime or other everyone has a child an your thrown in at the deep end but u learn as u go on an it works out i will be far from boring i can tell u that much. an i guarantee that when u hold that little helpless baby in Ur arms 4 the first time ur love for it will out weight anything on this earth. thats a promise. u will b a great dad stop ur worrying an get on with it.

Answer 10

Good for you for expressing your concerns you are right to think this through and get more information try your local health visitor and go along for parenting classes to help you to see what is involved and if you and your wife can go together and make decisions on how you will parent your child on every aspect like how you will discipline as you and your wife might have totally different ideas on how to do things and this can cause problems once the baby is here
Life doesn't have to be boring it's up too you and your wife what you do

Answer 11

Trust in your wife! She knows you best. Of course, it is natural to feel apprehensive before starting a family; it does turn your life upside-down, but in the most amazing way. Don't listen to your friends' moans and groans - you don't know what's exactly going on in their lives, just like they don't know about yours. If you have a wonderful relationship with your wife, then believe that the two of you can work together and be able to raise children. You need to be supportive of your wife and learn all you can about pregnancy and children as she goes through it all. You won't know until you have a child how wonderful it all is - I always knew my husband was nurturing and caring and loved kids (he is a big, strong, muscled blue-collar worker, very educated and intelligent), but he turned into a piece of fluff around our son, and still does. He loves being a dad - everything about it.