Clingy whiny girl?

Question

My boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter from his previous wife. She is a HUGE problem. She gets in between us and gets her way ALL THE TIME. Her opinions matter more than mine, she has more control than I do! Sorry if this seems selfish, but I don't think a 5 year old should run the house. She is whiny and clingy and won't leave me and her father alone to talk by ourselves. If him and I are sitting together on the couch, she squeezes right in between us and pushes me away. I know he loves his daughter and she was there first, but how much is too much??? It's a little sickening to see them together, the way they act. I feel really left out when she is around and feel like I don't matter. I don't know if this is a normal father/daughter relationship or what? Someone help. I can't talk to him about it because he always sides with his daughter. Advice please????

Answer 1

How annoying!! I'd feel just like you do. But speaking as an outsider, I think the little girl is clearly exhibiting behaviors that show she is jealous of you, and insecure about her father's attention. She is only 5, and will probably "grow out of it," but if not - ew, how unattractive her behavior will be as she gets older. I think it's imperative the father be made to know that children need boundaries, desire them, in fact. And if he doesn't give her boundaries now (5 is a good age to start), she'll end up being an unlikeable brat.

Why don't you try to set up a play date w/another kid or find an engaging individual activity for her when you want to spend time alone w/the father - a preschool computer game, an art project set up in the kitchen, etc. You might also try spending time with her, just the two of you, and maybe she'll learn she doesn't have to view you as someone who is just taking daddy away from her, but rather as another adult in her life who cares about her. Make sure she gets daddy time, too, just the two of them.

Maybe you could set a timer starting w/a very short time - like one minute - and if she makes it to the timer ding without interrupting you and daddy, and entertaining herself, she gets a reward or reinforcement of some sort. Then gradually increase the time until you can actually have a conversation with him. It's also important for children to learn to entertain themselves, and maybe you need to take the lead in trying to establish those boundaries.

Good luck!

Answer 2

This is normal behaviour for any child especially girls and there fathers. They see you as a threat and they do not want to lose there Father to you. The first thing in being in a relationship with a man with children is this, if you do not get along with the children or they do not like you then get out. No one can come between a parent and their child they will lose every time. So you have to decide how much you love this guy, if you feel this could be the real thing then find a way to get along with the daughter and know she is a child and she sees you as someone that is there to take away her father. Don't complain about her to your bf you will lose every time. Maybe you can find something that all three of you can do as a family during the day and him to your self at night when she is all tuckered out from the days activities.

Answer 3

Never heard the phrase ' Daddy's Girl' ? Completely normal and any man who would throw off his 5 year old for an adult would be a lousy father in my books. It's tough jumping into a relationship when there's baggage and children involved. Step back and think about your choice. Next best thing would be to look on her as if she were your own. Our kids are jumping inbetween the 2 of us all the time. Try finding some quiet personal husband/wife time with 7 kids underfoot.

Answer 4

His daughter has gone through something VERY traumatic.... it's called "divorce"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even thought most children in our society are from a divorced family, it is something that DOES effect just about all kids.

You sound more jealous than irritated and she DOES sense that. Instead of whining about it, why don't you try to be her friend (not her mother.... she already has one).

It sounds to me like you might want to rethink having a relationship with her father! If he is worth his salt, his daughter will ALWAYS come first.

mb

Answer 5

You don't have the authority to change things. It would have to be the BF to take charge of the situation. Realize that this guy comes with baggage and decide if you can handle that. The kid is not going away.

Answer 6

Hey I used to be like that too. Girls are usually closer to their fathers and that is normal. Especially if their father was handsome, like mine :)
Well, my advice to you is that you should try to introduce new friends to this girl, like sending her for a playgroup where she can potentially interact with other cute guys and leave her father alone, with you.

Answer 7

if i were in your position, i will sacrifice my selfish tendency. naturally the baby is jealous and scared that you are going to take away the love of her father.

if you can ignore these and love her trully , things will be alright someday.

Answer 8

as i dont like jessica simpson that much either and i think jessica ia a slut and a ***** as well, people forget that jessica started singing wayy before parasite hilton, and she struggled to find fame, so they are NOT THE SAME!

Answer 9

kill the girl