I have been seeing a partnered man for almost 12 months now, on and off, months have passed without seeing one another, but we always seem to catch up. the thing is, everytime he gets close to me again, i just cant get him out of my head, he will use me for a bit, then just fall off the face of the earth again for a few months, im never short on offers from other men but i cant help myself with this guy!!!! how do i get him off my mind, i try so hard not to chase him, we were together almost 4 weeks ago, i haven't herd from him except a short chat the week after, that kept me thinking, it would be on again, My problem is, if he called tonight, i would be there in an instant! i no its silly, but i cant help it! HOW CAN I START HATING THIS GUY, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN! im not sure if its the appeal of him already being taken, because i dont want a relationship. has anyone liked being the other woman? do you think thats my attraction to him? I dont have real feelings for him (love)
2006-08-29 22:18:49 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
AHA! Now I know where he's been going when he ain't home with me and the kids! Just kidding...
This is difficult, you both seem to fullfill some needs for one another. Maybe you should try thinking about how this may be hurting the woman at home with his babies(?) she may really love him and her heart probably breaks just a little more when he comes home smelling of your perfume. Sure it could be because you do not want a steady man, but this is probably hurting some good lady and a family. I think if you really want to stop seeing him, you can and when you think about it, I don't think you would want to be the woman waiting at home for a dirt bag like this guy.
He's a cheater and hes never going to get over doing that or hurting his lady until she either gives him the boot...(or?) then he may look to you for a relationship...and with his lack of intergrity YOU DON'T WANT HIM FOR YOUR VERY OWN...believe this he is cheating and bored of what he can get and have easily so he would eventually feel the same about you. He would eventually cheat on you, right now you are having doubts about being woman enough for him, else why would he keep coming and going (please no pun intended). Put yourself in the other woman's shoes when he is being so sweet to you, she is wondering if this time he has gone for good, she is in pain. If this continues and she boots him in his backside, then he will want someone to be home waiting for him (as she does who will do his laundry and take care of him after he's been out TomCatting).
Do you want to stand in line waiting for the attentions of a man like that? It already sounds like you may have a conscience. Even if you don't want a man of your own, do you want to be with a man who will never be faithful. I hope you are being careful and using protection, because he may be bringing more than just Mr. Stiffy with him! So make sure he wears protection, and if you are going to be selfish, make sure he buys you expensive gifts and DO NOT give them back if he ever asks for them! I think you can do better sweetie. Think about the fact that he is just using you for a little bit on the side, and you can scratch your itch with some nice single guy who you may one day develop more feelings for...You can never be too careful with sex and STDs these days. When I was single I found out that I was once the "other woman" and it did not take me long to find out about his women and children, and that when he was playing with me, the mother of his babies was really hurting. She tried to kill herself one night when he was with me, he acted like it wasn't any big deal, but I knew then it really was a big deal (to her and the 2 little boys, his children that she was willing to leave behind with him or someone like you (or me at that time) to care for them.
I cut him off, and would not see him again, although he was entertaining sometimes when we were alone, it just wasn't worth what I was doing to another person (the mother of his 2 kids). She had a lot more invested in that jerk than I ever did. I don't know how things turned out for him because I quit seeing him, and if he tried to call, I would have my brother of some guy answer the phone it did not take him long to get the idea that I had "better things to do than him".
Good luck, be strong and have more respect for yourself and the woman who sits at home worrying, wondering and really hoping for him when he ain't even worth her time or yours!
ruthie :-)
2006-08-29 22:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by ruthie_msw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its the chase you love the chase of it! Ive been there and done that for almost the same amount of time, it was fun when he was there but you always knew he wasn't going home to you! Its also fun to risk getting "caught" you really need to leave him alone next time he calls don't be there like he wants you to, change it up and then he won't call back for like 6 months and that will/should piss you off! Worked for me and now im in a real happy relationship with a guy who really cares about me! but until you caught taken dude off your not going to get anywhere! And your letting him control you!
2006-08-29 22:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by ~Bethany~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im in the same situation, my status as being the :otherwoman" has been going on for 4 years this november. i think your only attracted to him because you dont want the commitment of your own relationship and its easier just to be with him and get what you want sexually then be done with it until the next time he comes around.
Its hard to admit but they do use you to only get what they want and this is a "different feeling" but from my experience the guy i been with has always had my back with everything and were friends at the same time and its real hard just to let go of him it aint easy but in your case if ignore him and tell him you dont want this type of relationship with him. And you do have respect for yourself no matter what anyone says i look at as gettting what i want without the baggage its just easier for me that way and i know who hes going home to and it aint me.lol but im okay with that when the time comes to tell him that your done it will all come to you. good luck .. if you;d like to chat about this situation more. u can contact me blkftwhispr@yahoo.com
2006-08-29 22:51:33 · answer #3 · answered by ninanite 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
knowingly or not, at the end of the day he will never leave his family.....and even if he does and your love for eachother is so powerful you will always have in the back of your mind that you broke up a home even if that home was very broken up before you arrived. your not a slut, otherwise youd have taken the offers of other men, so dont worry too much about nasty comments coming your way. thing is my dear if he really loved you, he would have proven it by now, and if what your saying is the truth, i dont think he does, he really is just using you for a good time, get over him hes defenately not worh it.
2006-08-29 22:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by mercia b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Remember the mind is stronger than the body. This man is using you for sure. How can you find your true love if you are hooked up with this nothing of a man. When you take your bath and or shower tell yourself over and over again "I'm washing this man right out of life" You have to meditate and cleanse this man right out of your system.. Remember, what goes around comes around and one day you will be the wife whose husband cheats with another woman. You won't like it. Lots of luck!
2006-08-29 22:29:08 · answer #5 · answered by glenda576 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sad & ashamed to say yes but yes I have...a long time ago. It's a dead end. I was at my lowest and this man made me feel good for a minute but then retreated. I thought that if I was patient and he loved me enough that he would leave his GF and be with me but it didn't happen...and I'm glad. He was using me and he was hurting her. He didn't love me and I didn't love myself during that time. I am so much more than the handy, dandy sidekick. I have to be the ONE not just one of them. There are obviously some issues within yourself that you have to resolve so that you don't think that it is okay to be a part of this triangle. Even if that guy I was seeing had decided to make me his GF, I would have been rewarded with a new BF that I already know is a cheater. Lucky me! I didn't like myself during this time and if you are claiming that you like to be used and toyed with, you're lying to yourself. Know your worth and others will begin to realize it. Don't let him make you his whore.
2006-08-31 10:10:20 · answer #6 · answered by intentionalmasterpiece 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if you like him because he's "safe". You don't have to worry about him getting serious about you or the problems a relationship would entail because he's taken. A lot of men are the same way with married women. All benefit, no strings. The only way I can suggest that you might be able to get away from him is to think of his wife. Put yourself in her shoes, so to speak.
2006-08-29 22:24:51 · answer #7 · answered by Hillaryforpresident 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you figured it out for yourself...we always want what we can't have. I bet if he was yours, you wouldn't want him anymore, huh?
You probably have some problems relating with men and that's why you go for the married guys. He's obviously using you and probably a few others as well. If you have any self-respect, cut off ties to him and move on.
You're just wasting your time with him.
2006-08-29 22:32:52 · answer #8 · answered by Evil Wordmonger, LTD LOL 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we want things we can't have.. why do you think diabetics love sugar..
it's quite normal to love the "chase".. but i hope you realize that he's just using you.. you say that you can't get him out of your head.. can he? can he get you out of HIS head? i don't know him, (so no offense) but what if he finds someone else to play his game.. don't you think you'll be the one left hurt/alone?
you don't need to start hating the guy... just don't be so available.. two things may happen though... he finds someone else, or HE chases YOU.. (both is actually better than what you are right now)
2006-08-29 22:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand, we all go there in strange ways. You really have to work at it. Find a new group of friends, actively look out for someone to love. You cant start ahting him, but you can start loving yourself. SAY NO..next time he calls, go out...visit a friend anything...but stay away...you owe it to yourself.
2006-08-29 22:30:17 · answer #10 · answered by 40andgoing 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋