Do you have time for some Quickies? LOL! Let me know if you like these.?

Question

> Quickie #1
>
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
> So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>
> Quickie #2
>
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

Answer 1

ha ha ha ha ha... i love, love, love, love, love, it....

Regardless of what anyone else think i love these, i'm gonna make sure that everyone else i know hears them too, my friends and their husbands will love them...

I'm gonna make sure that i make my boyfriend hear them over and over again and again...


Thank heaps for those, i will give you a big Thumbs Up for giving me a big laugh =)

Answer 2

question: wat do u call a boomerang that does no longer return? ans: a STICK!!! an afternoon without sunshine is like, night. Q:what's the adaptation between snowmen and snowwomen? A:Snowballs! Ha! a splash boy grew to become into in his room fiddling with himself, while his father walked in. "Son! in case you masturbate too plenty, you're gonna go blind!" "Dad," the boy mentioned, "i'm over right here." Q: Santa Claus, the the tooth fairy, an truthful senator and an previous inebriated are jogging down the line mutually while they concurrently spot one hundred greenback bill. Who gets it? A: The previous inebriated, needless to say; the different 3 do no longer exist. !!! we've all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will finally reproduce the finished works of Shakespeare. Now, as because of the internet, all of us recognize it truly is no longer genuine. Q. What do you get once you ask a flesh presser to tell "the certainty, the finished fact, and not something however the certainty"? A. 3 diverse solutions. Why is turkey basic at Christmas? because of the fact the climate is warmer over there

Answer 3

LOL to quickie n1 and 6...
Thanx for those, now I can go to sleep with a smile on my face...

Answer 4

love 'em all!
but Quckie #6's the best!
keep it up!
ü

Answer 5

The last one was a real Knee slapper!=)

Answer 6

and these are also very old. Pd told these before sorry ♥

Answer 7

good quickies!

Answer 8

Pound your pud somewhere else.

Answer 9

Those were really funny. Thanks for the laughs! :]