BPD and cutting....How do you deal with stress and sadness?

Question

I was really anxious about going to work today because I thought I might be fired or something, so I was really stressed out and sad and mad and the only thing that helped me calm down was cutting on my left arm. Then I went to see a girl I liked and her boyfriend came in and I felt so awful that as soon as I got home out came the box cutter. All of the drugs I take now for it doesn't work very well, because it's older drugs since my insurance makes me pay too much for the newer, more effective drugs that I can't afford.. My whole left arm is one massive scar from the shoulder to the wrist from where I've been cutting for years now. My boss told me that if she saw anymore cuts on my forearm, I'd have to wear long sleeve shirts to work because it upsets people. Now I cut on my upper arm so a short sleeves shirt hides the cuts. I have hospital bills out the *** and I have no money and I'm so alone all the time. Please help. I'm tired of hating myself.

Answer 1

Hi there... Sounds like you are having a REALLY rough time. :( I hope that you have the help and support of a good therapist. If not, I am including a link to a therapist search below.

DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is often very helpful for BPD and cutting. (I am also including links below). I would highly recommed finding a good DBT program (where you can go several times/week for various groups) or at least a DBT group. If you don't already have a therapits, you might want to find one who is trained in DBT.

I hope you find more support. You deserve way more help than you are getting. Good luck!

Answer 2

You know, I think I can help you. I've come across something like this before, and I really know what you should do.
"There's nothing either good or bad," said Sheakspear, "but thinking makes it so." It isn't what you have or who you are, or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.
You can find at least two ways to look at virtually everything. A pessimist looks for difficulty in the opportunity, whereas an optimist looks for opportunity in the difficulty. You feel unhappy. Your negative observations seem correct, but it's really a vicious self-fulfilling cycle. You think negatively, so you feel critical and pessimistic, which then makes it easy for you to act in negative, distrustful, critical ways. Then other people either shy away or react negatively to you - which then confirms your belief that the world really is a lousy place. Therefore, the cycle continues downward. In essence, you trap yourself in a self-perpetuating cycle of gloom and doom.
In reality, escaping this cycle is easy. if you think that the glass is half empty, it is. On the other hand, if you think that the glass is half full, it is. In fact, the glass is both. How you think about the situation determines how you feel, and how you feel makes acting in an optimistic, uplifting way more or less difficult. In addition, how you act greatly influences how others respond to you. A poet a long ago put the difference between optimism and pessimism this way: "Two men looked out from prison bars - one saw mud, the other saw stars." Look up instead of down.
Noone and no thing can cause you to be happy. In fact, people and things don't cause happiness at all. It's what you think about these other people and things that determines whether you feel happy or sad. Your thoughts - not outside events, the presence or absence of material objects, or other people - cause your feelings. Noone can make anyone think or feel or do anything. The only person who has that distinction is the person who owns the thoughts, feelings and behaviour. When you accept this truth, then and only then can you be truly happy. If you stop waiting for circumstances to change in your life, you can make yourself happy - every day - no matter what life brings.
Because happiness is a state of mind, not a reaction to a particular person, thing, or event, you can be happy no matter what happens to you. You can be happy married, widowed, divorced, or single - or in whatever marital state you find yourself. You can be happy at any age. As long as you're alive, you can make yourself happy, no matter what. Accepting this truth and acting accordingly makes you an extremely powerful person.

Answer 3

I know how the day to day can come crashing down. If you don't know yet, the sensation your getting from the "cutting" is endorphins being released due to the pain. It is obvious you see a Doctor(because you mentioned med bills), so if you are not able to get the medication you need, talk to your Doctor about homeopathic remedies, herbs and stuff. Some really work. The Monks in Europe have been using them for thousands of years. I know of a few. So talk to the Doc, and try other "outlets" other than "cutting" I write, a lot,, it helps to write down everything I think and feel. Then when I have it all "out" I burn it!!! Hope it gets better soon,,

Answer 4

You are trying to cope with an insurmountable amount of mental pain. Sometimes, BPD sufferers believe that the only way to relieve the mental anguish is to produce physical pain. Physical pain is something we can immediately see, feel, and start to take care of (clean the wound, apply bandages, etc.). Since it is hard for us to do so with mental pain (I wish there was a mental bain-Aid, sometimes), seeing the physical destruction actually cons one into believing they are releasing the mental pain.

Please, please believe me when I say you are going to seriously mess up your life. Hospitals bills or not, you must realize that YOU have control over yourself. If the job is too stressful, look for another (easier said than done). Take out your stress by investigating anger/stress management on the Net. Cut of the stressors, if possible, or at least limit them. DO things that you once enjoyed, even if you feel as if you are faking it.

Cutting involves serious mental distress. Look up support groups online, or join an anonymous one in your area. Call a Suicide Hotline (not just for people threatening to jump off of high-rises). PLEASE e-mail me if need be. I have been there before, and it is a dangerous road. it's easier to say "f**k it" than it is to deal, but YOU have to be strong.

Do not let yourself be judged by others, either. Who cares if your boss knows? S/he should be concerned, not embarrased. I am sure, that even though you may feel ugly on the inside or outside, you truely are beautiful.

Answer 5

Check out ( http://www.reducingstress.net )
It is a really good stress site.
There are lots of articles on all stress related topics.
I think you will find help for this situation there.

Answer 6

I see a counselor and take Zoloft. It really helps talking to her. If you aren't seeing one, I strongly suggest it. Insurance should pay for it. Or at least most of it. Mine does. It is such a horrible feeling! I totally sympathize with you. Please see a counselor. Good luck!