I am getting married in less than 2 weeks and my fiancee and I are having a hard time with the wording bridging into the vows that he wants to say to my daughter. I have not heard what he is vowing to her as he feels that this should all be in his words and is afraid to have others influence what he says as it is supposed to be what he feels for her, as he is also adopting her. Can anyone help us from their experiences (1st or 2nd hand experience) on how the celebrant can transition into this part of the ceremony while keeping the focus on becoming a family? I appreciate any input and advice! Thanks!
2006-08-29 17:38:32 · 12 answers · asked by mom2riah 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
try writing each of your own vows as well as the wedding vows that way he can include your daughter in them as well good luck and congratulations on finding a man who is willing to step up to the plate and be a dad congratulations on your engagment
2006-08-29 17:46:19 · answer #1 · answered by christy b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, First off KITTYROGERS is bitter.
Of course your children can and if YOU want SHOULD be included. It is your Day and your hasbands. You don't have to be traditional.
My daughters father bailed out long ago and I am getting married to a wonderful man whom she calls daddy.
We are saying our own vows and she is going to be a flower girl, but after we exchange our vows we are giving her a braclet with our wedding date on it and having her help light the unity candle. She will help with out cake cutting probably too. We will have a sweet heart table and there will be just the 2 of us there becuase we are going to have a whole area for kids which I am sure my dughter would rather hang at. We include her as part of our life. Every aspect of it and Dave will openly agree with me. He actually suggested a lot of the above.
Good Luck and just cherish the moment.
2006-09-01 01:14:33 · answer #2 · answered by cowgirly21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know what he is planning on saying, then why are you so worried? He may have found his own way to covey his feelings without any help.
If he is unsure of wording, then just add a line or two about her in the vows. When he is promising to love you, add the daughter's name.
You two could also have separate vows to read to her and for her to read in return. "I promise to love you and care for you..." and she promises to respect and love him in return.
Sometimes a token of family unity is shown instead of spoken. When the officiant places your hands together to pronounce you husband and wife, she could lay her hand on top and have it pronounced instead as the family of Mr. and Mrs. *insert name*.
After exchanging rings, he could exchange a bracelet or necklace to her "with this bracelet I promise to take you into my care as my own" or something to that affect. She could give him a pin for his lapel, or something else small in return.
Try giving her an important role at the wedding so that everybody knows that she will be included without being a part of the actual wedding ceremony. If she's young, a flower girl. If she's a little older, then make her a junior bridesmaid.
Whatever you two decide, talk it over with her so that she knows in advance what to expect. I assume that she loves him as much as he loves her since he is adopting.
2006-08-30 01:05:49 · answer #3 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We included my husband's children and our wedding. We pla to exchanged our vows and then had a brief reading about family after which we presented each child with a circle pendant necklace. Perhaps you could have a brief reading about the importance of family and then have your husband say a couple words to your daughter and give her a small gift. If you would like a copy of the reading we used you can email me. It was only a couple of sentences and it went over very well.
Congrats!
2006-08-30 17:05:23 · answer #4 · answered by jen_customweddingsolutions 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please DO NOT have him exchange vows with a child. He is marrying YOU, not your child. It is a totally different sentiment!
If you want, after marriage vows are exchanged, add a Family Blessing of some sort to your ceremony. We are planning something like this, too.
But I think exchanging vows with a child is offensive. ADULTS exchange vows and are bound by them-- children do not.
2006-08-30 16:21:15 · answer #5 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not marrying his daughter and though I can understand his love for her, a wedding is a marriage between two people (husband and wife) and NOT the children. Perhaps later on (a few months down the line) you can have some sort of child-affirmation/family ceremony. Children must learn they can't be included in EVERYTHING and I think your fiance' must realize that he is marrying YOU and taking YOU as his wife, to whom he owes the most allegiance. Daughter comes second. That is the way it is. Sorry,t here is always a pecking order to everything.
2006-08-30 01:06:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Yes, my husband had 2 boys and I had a boy and girl. We included them in our promises to each other and each one was in the wedding. His oldest boy and my daughter were attendents and the 2 younger ones (age 10 & 12) we ushers and handed out the programs and had people sign the book.
We had our promises to the children, and named them each, and than our vowels to each other.
2006-08-30 03:39:49 · answer #7 · answered by Nana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is the part of my wedding that started EVERYONE crying, our pastor handled the transition and then my husband got down on one knee, said his vows to my daughter and gave her a ring
2006-08-30 03:37:27 · answer #8 · answered by chereeder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my mom married my stepdad, they included my sister and myself in the ceremony. After they exchanged rings, the preacher asked us something along the lines of, do you accept him as a part of your new family, then my stepdad gave each of us a ring. It was very nice.
2006-08-30 01:07:47 · answer #9 · answered by purple_sparklies 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your daughter is in the wedding have her somewhere close to you and when he is reading the vows and comes to the part for her have him go to her and get down on one knee and recite what he has writen for her and have her say something in the lines of i do if she agrees that he is truthful ... he wil feel proud and the guests will think it is very classy he is wanting to involve her in it also...
2006-08-31 23:21:17 · answer #10 · answered by atthean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋