its an arrange marriage, now she is very much infulence and fully controlled by her mother, she doen't have father who can understand my part they are 3 womens only mother sister and herself. we all are highly qualified people even though we are not able to solve marrital mis understanding.she is very practical say i know you love but i am lossing my freedom after marriage, she usually busy with her mobile and talking to her friends and mother.
2006-08-29 17:33:44 · 18 answers · asked by sekher p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
tell her that she should have realized so when she got married and that u will have to get a divorce if she doesnt come back. she clearly was not ready to get married and perhaps got pushed into it. u should also talk and discuss with her mom and tell her that this is not a healthy relationship and that u love her daughter and will take care of her but that she needs to be with u.
2006-08-29 17:38:49 · answer #1 · answered by mayami 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If her mother was traditional enough in her beliefs to go through with an arranged marriage, then she should be traditional enough to realize that the husband is more important than the parents after the wedding.
Talk to your wife in private without her mother or anyone else around. Let her know that you want the marriage to work, but she has to come back before you can attempt it. Talk to a counselor in your area if you have to. Threaten if you have to, but get your point across. Living apart can only result in separation or divorce. There is no real way to have a marriage when you aren't under the same roof by choice. (Military and traveling jobs are the exceptions, you eventually come home.) If you pay her phone bill, have it cut off.
Get her family to talk to a clergy member if they are unwilling to see a therapist. He (or she) could help them to understand how much they are interfeering with something that is none of their business. Get the man and take him to the mother's house when you know everybody will be home.
Once you've gotten through to her about what she is doing is wrong, then make sure you give her time out with her friends and family. Once a week or so should be plenty to still have some freedom and make the marriage work at the same time.
If she is unwilling to move back in, make some threats. Let her know that you will not have a wife that lives with her mother. She agreed to be a wife, so now she has to live up to her responsibilities. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other chores can be split between the two of you so she has time to persure her own hobbies and interests. If she doesn't work, then remind her of that. She should not be living off of soemone else without contributing in some way.
While divore may be frowned upon in your religion, it's about the only thing you can do when she won't be a wife. There is no half way point here. She either is one and lives with you, or she lives elsewhere and isn't a wife at all.
2006-08-29 17:51:19 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I may be going where I shouldn't although she could have left for many reasons:
1. Since it was an arranged marriage, she may not have the feelings that she should have to remain in the marriage.
2. She is homesick.
3. You were too controlling (you mentioned her losing her freedom and always talking on the phone).
4. She could be in love with or have feeling for someone else.
Your best bet is to ask her out on a date. Just the two of you, no expectations. Dinner at a nice restaurant, an evening stroll, and long simple conversations. Don't demand any firm or definate answers. Just take your time. Patience is the key!
The next time you ask her out invite her and her family to your home for dinner. Make sure the house is tidy and you look presentable. You cook lunch/dinner and try to impress everyone. Share your intentions for their daughter/sister.
After a few dates ask what she thinks of your future together.
Best of luck . . . keep us posted!
2006-08-29 17:45:51 · answer #3 · answered by vir9inia@sbcglobal.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear friend,
Since this is complicated stuff, i really recommend u to either wait for some time, say like a week more or so and after that if she still doesn't come to u, then i think she might wont have any interest in u and i think u should apply for a divorce. Ask your family members too ,before taking any such decisions. i know, it really sucks but, if i was in your shoes,i wud wait for a while and wud then call her and ask her this question, "Who is more important in your life now. me or your mom"?
Since her mom is single, that doesn't mean she has the right do this thing. to b frank, its actually the moms who must advice their married daughters to stay with her hubbys. Since she is not advicing her, i dont think, this wud really work out. But still, if u really love her, give it a try by asking the same question to her which i mentioned above.
good luck buddy..........
2006-08-29 18:45:59 · answer #4 · answered by Bravo mike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. After marriage we presume the spouse like a thing achieved by us. Unfortunately in our mind, we feel women as very loving, kind, caring, devoted or one who could sacrifice her wishes for us. But practically it is not possible to see these characteristics in her in initial years of marriage. Of course women have the said virtues but it takes time to inculcate them in her. Just agree to what she likes and bring her back. Treat her as if she is your important room partner or friend. Beware that she acts within normal behaviour. Try to win her heart by small things. Don't impose your ideas, liking on her. You will see that life is beautiful and full of love. Don't make this an issue. And last because young life is very small, just agree to disagree and enjoy life. One thing more, is her sister married? I don't think so. Don't forget her mother is equally worried about her future.
2006-08-29 18:06:42 · answer #5 · answered by dev k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who arranged it ? You should go talk to her, or meet her some where and see how she acts. Maybe it was not ment to be. I f you find there is hope and she loves you , ask her what you can do to help make it easier for her to come home. Do you love her.,, if you do tell her and you want to make it work, or come back on a trail bases. ,to give you two another chance. Try to get along with the mother helps. Gopod luck Pem
2006-08-29 17:46:06 · answer #6 · answered by Patricia M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love her or is she just a possession to her. If she is a possession to you she knew it immediately and doesn't wish to be treated like a thing. She probably went back to the persons who more than understand this feeling.
If you are going to win her back it better be in love and not control on your part or you never will win her back.
It could be too that your wife has become modernized and does not believe in arranged marriages. If you love her then you will have to win her back in love.
2006-08-29 17:39:11 · answer #7 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to bring her back? Dude get out while the getting is good. She is more concerned with being with her mom, not you. You made your family happy with an arranged marriage, it didn't work out and now you're free to move on and do what you like.
2006-08-29 19:13:49 · answer #8 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She isn't losing her freedom to you but to her controlling mother. Any mother worth her salt would encourage her daughter to make her marriage work and not to throw in the towel at the slightest hiccup. Fight for her and make her see sense. Good luck.
2006-08-29 18:57:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on your nationality, I would have thought the male was the main influence on women and she return to you when you ask her to.
As for "mollygirl" what do you mean "here legally"? Not all people on yahoo are Americans!!!!!! There is a whole world outside of the USA.
2006-08-29 17:38:35 · answer #10 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋