When is too much, too much?

Question

I am sure this question has been asked a hundred times but then I guess its like love songs, they are all technically the same just a different way of going at it. I have always had bad luck with women, many downfalls. It always seems like its my anti socialness or introvertness that brings women to take me as a strange person at first glance without getting to know me. I met this girl a month ago, we have been talk alot since on IM, met her twice in person. I have started to grown a real attraction to her. I have tried to become more social and confident as I can to try and make the best impression I can while still being myself.
We went out to see a concert and had a great time.
After talking to her personally I find we have alot in common even our introvertedness. Being around her is quite intoxicating that I feel at times I maybe too pushy to see her again, am I trying too hard? How do I go about approaching her without seeming too pushy? I really want this to work out.

Answer 1

Where do I begin? Dating women has little to do with luck and everything to do with knowledge, skill, and lots of practice, meaning you'll have to accept that the fact that it might not work out with her and you'll have to practice many more times to work on your skill set.

A few things stuck out. First off, don't spend too much time being a "kip" (the guy from Napoleon Dynamite who spent hours online chatting with the same woman). Don't be too available, though it might be too late at this point. I love IM-ing, don't get me wrong, but a person with a life doesn't have time to IM for very long which is why I use my phone.

Your biggest problem is that you're trying too hard to make a "best impression" instead of just being your better self. This tells me you are needy and you are communicating that neediness to her. Most women would be running for the hills at this point. You also don't want to reward her for just being a girl either. She has to hold up her end of courting process. What does she have to offer you?

Get rid of the "I really want this to work out" mindset because that sets you up for failure. You are suffering from tunnel vision and this will destroy any game that you have. You CANNOT BE AFRAID to lose what you don't have. You need to man up, be a leader and ESCALATE the situation. Go out again, then get her alone somewhere, touch her hair, and then lean in for the kiss. Tell her how you feel. It's better to make a move then not at all or waiting too long. If you wait too long she'll assume you're not interested.

The only way to become more "social and confident" is to practice your social muscles, meaning you should start talking to everyone. The waitress, the cashier, the valet, your boss, your coworkers, the random guy at the bar, and keep it cranking until you can talk about anything with anyone, anywhere.

Just go for it, you have nothing to lose. Do not put too much emotional investment in this one girl because dating should be fun, not the be all end all.

Rod Cortez

Answer 2

If you feel you are being too pushy, you probably are. Only you know best because you get to see her response to your action first hand.

I will give you some tips and rules based on your questions. BTW, i don't think you have back luck.. you just lack some game because its not something you got to do a lot.

What are you doing taking her to a concert? Let me guess, you paid too? Bad idea. Don't try to impress her or buy her attention by taking her to those places. Rule of thumb.. don't spend $ on these girls.. girls usually spend money on me... buy me alcohol then they proceed to hit on me.

Get yourself off IM, I never chat on IM anymore. You are being "too accessible" she won't need to think about you or wonder what you are doing. Why? 1 sec after she signs on, *bling* you message her with, "hi, what are you doing?" don't be needy doOd.. you will repel her like a bug spray

Don't let her know you have attraction. You can't make her be more attracted to you because you are attracted to her. That's not how attraction work. Don't use your commonality to attract her. It will not work.

Instead, display that you have higher status, value and confidence than her. That you are a man and can take charge.

That you have better thing to do than her. Call her less (once every two times she calls you). See her no more than 1-2 times a week.

Be a more interesting person, but don't try too hard because if you are new at this, it'll show.

Be her friend, tease her, joke about her. Don't laugh at your own jokes. I joke about her and also show my cocky side.

Be a man in charge. plan the whole date. Tell her where she can sit. she does not need to decide on anything. If she really want something, you may allow it.

Remember, girl will test you to see how much of a man you are.. If you start passing these test, you can see her attraction jump. I love it when a girl test me. It means she is interested in me.

A little about me:
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Ken / Taiwanese, Chinese / 24 / Los Angeles / Pickup Artist
"premarital sex creates broken families, broken families creates broken society - a vicious cycle only you can stop."

Answer 3

Relax, relax, relax, already! Have a little confidence in yourself, you sound like a great guy to me! Too many times we let our past disappointments rob us of the present pleasures. I personally believe that there are no failures in love or relationships as long as we pay attention and learn from them. Just be sure to tell her how you feel in a positive way, like maybe write her a poem, or a song. If you don't have that gift then maybe you could buy her a nice book with poems in it. Give her a little space from time to time, but not too far away or she might think she's losing you. Good luck!

Answer 4

a hundred twenty five at your top would be heavily undesirable for you. one hundred forty is fairly very skinny for a 6 foot individual. fat women persons are not getting bashed for dropping weight, yet human beings grow to be nervous approximately your well-being and your judgment once you spot your self as fat once you at the instant are not and attempt to shed some pounds once you're already skinny. i'm a 5'8" guy and that i weight one hundred thirty, that's rather low and bordering on undesirable. that is not approximately looks. in case you lose too lots weight you will fall unwell much less complicated and sense sluggish and susceptible all day even once you're healthful. that is not something you go with to handle.

Answer 5

Darlin' Man, just ask her to put herself in your place... ask her when she would like to see you again. TELL her you enjoy her company. You can over analyze a relationship, you know. Try always to put yourself in her place as well. Then you will find that you will have a lot of answers to your questions. Honesty and the old Golden Rule we learned when we were young is one of the best dating rules ever: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, or put simply, treat her the way you want to be treated...always remembering she is a girl, of course. Good luck, and keep in mind that prayer helps, too. :)

Answer 6

"Plant seeds" by asking her out. Then "water" the plant and watch it grow slowly to maturity by making yourself available to her without forcing yourself on her. You could say, "I thought we could go see a movie, tonight. Would 8 be alright?", instead of saying, "I want to take you to a movie tonight. I'll pick you up at 8." If she says she's too busy that night, you could say, "Perhaps another time, then", instead of saying, "But, I really want you to go with me, tonight". Just as plants grow slowly, so do relationships. Just let her guide the pace of growth.

Answer 7

what you want to do is continue to be your self; but let your confidence shine thru....
dont ask her; tell her.
how u feel;without being needy and desperate...
theres a middle ground, you need to test the waters.. and also more background information is needed to give u the proper answer.
i wish you luck in this situation and others with women!

Answer 8

Just keep yourself in check, and don't allow yourself to be pushy.