Honest advice only please. I have an important q about my dad, and I don't know what I should do.?

Question

Plz dont say I'm too nosy or its none of my business. Dont answer if thats how you feel.

I think my dad is cheating on my stepmom. Ive seen logs from IM convos mentioning things like previous sexual encounters & sexual webcam viewings. Hes 53 & these people are in their 20s; isnt that illegal?

I also think hes hiding transsexual feelings; his porn involves male organs & shemales, and he talks about "tgirls" on IM. In his convos, he talks about viewing the other persons male organs, and how hes "hard" & would like to come over to have sex w the person.

I believe my dad is cheating on my step-mom, and even worse, that hes doing it w transsexuals! Even if hes not having sex w them, its still a form of cheating.

Any advice on what I should do? My stepmom was previously married to a gay man; she divorced him when she found out. Ive known her for 10 yrs, and love her like family. I dont want her to get hurt again, but I think someone should know about this. How do I deal w this?

Answer 1

I don't actually think what your father is illegal... Immoral? Yes but not illegal.

It really sucks that you've been put in this position. I think it would be best for you to stay out of your father's relationship only because of the possible ramifications it may have on you.

I do think your step mother should know but I don't think you should be the person to tell her.

If you feel she must know, you could go to the library and create an email account and send her an anonymous email with im files attached.

Answer 2

This is a first. I find myself hoping that this is a made up situation. You don't say how old you are. If you are young (16 or younger), you need to stay out of it. The adults will take their guilt and disappointment out on you. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that most women have a kind of "radar" and know when their husbands are cheating. If your stepmom is upset by this, she will face down your Dad in her own good time and toss him or work it out. In the meantime, be especially supportive of her and let her know at every opportunity that you love her. As for your Dad, well, you know him best. You know whether or not you can talk to him about this. If you are under 16, I suggest you leave it alone. If you are older, it's your call whether or not to talk to him. Whatever you decide, be careful. Confrontations can escalate into all out wars if we aren't careful and I don't think that is what you want. Hugs and good luck whatever you decide. You might pray about the situation, too. Always helpful to get out the most help possible when you aren't sure what to do. :)

Answer 3

put in scenerio move to her, act like a friend of yours is having your problem, BUT change it up enought that whe dont' figure it out right off the bat.. YOU need to prepare for an outcome that will probably not be good. If you are old enough that you can hang out with a friend a couple of weeks when the crap hits the fan. Try to talk with some of your moms friend and family as "I have a freind that has a dad, and I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents" type of conversation.. ALSO, talk to school counselors about options in having that talk with your mom IF YOU FEEL that she should hear it from you..

Tiger...

Answer 4

To begin with, its not illegal.
Secondly, you're reading to much into it. Porn is a diversion and some straight men who are , otherwise, pillars of the community get some kind of charge out of "he-she's"
I don't think that Internet play is 'cheating'. After all, its really a form of fantasy than rarely becomes personal.
Its good that you care for your step-mom, but cut your dad some slack. Guys get that way sometime.

Answer 5

No i think the age is legal. I suggest you talk to your dad about it before your step mom finds out, may this will give him some warning and cleans up his act, also you get to know what is going on. What he is doing is totally wrong and if he wish to continue, he could at least prepare his wife of getting hurt then divorce will follow then he gets on with his life style. It's unfortunate you caught up in this and this is my thought.
All the best......

Answer 6

My advice? It's not illegal. If it's not hurting the marriage, then it's not something you should deal with. It's something between the two of them. Stay out of it.

But it's not exactly none of your business if it affects your own relationship with your dad. If it has really freaked you out and you have too many questions to let it go, ask him about it in the most non-judgmental way possible.

Answer 7

I think you should tell her. Let her deal with it. If your father is having an affair especially with same sex then she need to know. She needs to get tested. It is not illegal for people to have sexual encounters as long as they are over 18. Be honest with you step mom. She has already delt with this once and survived she will again.

Answer 8

OK, I had the same situation but my step-dad was cheating on my mom. If you tell your step-mom, your dad might blame you forever for "Ratting him out." It's vital that your step-mom discover what your dad is doing on her own. Is he acting differently? Dressing nice? Getting in shape? More obsessed with his looks? Working more "over-time?" Drop your step-mom hints that dad is acting strange for "no reason" and it will start her to suspect. It IS YOUR business because what happens between them has a direct impact on your life. You dad needs to learn that is not OK to cheat and if you love your step-mom, you have a moral obligation to protect those you love.

Answer 9

Well first off you really need to confirm your suspicion. Not to be a smart*** but a former boss gave me a definition of the word assume - do not make an "***" out of "u" and "me".

If you have firm evidence, then it is hard to hurt someone who is happy. But noone deserves to be miserable because in the end everyone will end up miserable. It is best to clear the situation up now before it gets any worse. People are better off parting ways before it gets really ugly and they end up hating one another.

What your dad is doing is wrong but we are all human and do not have a right to judge him. So I will not elaborate on how against it I am.

Answer 10

Well you really don't want to be the messanger of bad news. But since you feel so strongly about it here are some ideas to tell her so you stay out of the mix. Leave things to where you know she will see them,you could also email them to her by mistake from him,let her hear you talking about it or tell someone who you know will tell her .But if you are not into that get proof take her out and tell her just ask her not to mention how she found out if you are worried about it. but if you are not worried about that ask our dad you will not know if you don't ask.