I had a pretty hard childhood. my father was emotionally abusive, sometimes physically?

Question

he made my life miserable, as well as my mothers and sister's life. i am now 28 and i dont see him anymore. my life is still miserable, im depressed, and nothing good ever happens to me.
could this be because i had such a bad childhood that i cant ever be happy. i dont remember anytime in my life where ive felt happy and satisfied with life. what can i do to change this?

Answer 1

I feel for you as I also had a messed up child hood. But you cannot keep blaming the past for why times are so bad at present. Move on, this is a new chapter in your life. You are a fully grown adult your Dad has no control over you anymore. YOU are in control of everything now! Make the most of it and as the saying goes "life is too short!".

Answer 2

I too had a horrible childhood full of alcohol, abuse, and drugs...although I do have some happy memories. Then I got older and dealt with the loss of several loved ones including my mom, heartache on top of heartache and at times feel I have no fight left. I have recently gone to "a shrink" and took some godawful 500 true or false question test that determined I had post traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, multiple phobias, I'm obsessive compulsive, I have schitzoaffective disorder, mood disorder and severe depression. I may have even left at a few. I think what caused all of this is because instead of seeking mental help years ago, I just sat back to embarassed to talk with a doctor and my issues just built up and built up until things got out of control. The weird thing is that the shrink said that I have taken every bad memory in my childhood and put humor to it...this was my way of trying to save my own sanity and to accept what had happened. My suggestion...seek mental help. For most people that is a hard step, and it takes time. During a session 5 years ago with a therapist (it was our first session) she looked at me and said you were never the child, you have always been the adult in the house. I stood up and walked out...how dare that ***** accuse my mother of not being a mother...but no looking back...I see she is right. Just get help, if not a professional than a friend. email me if you want. Hope you can find happiness!!

Answer 3

You can be happy, but it is a choice that you have to make for yourself. I am guessing that you made the choice not to see him anymore - that was a good decision on your part. Now you can also make the decision to be happy instead of sad.

Children of abusive parents often find themselves, when they are adults, continuing to feel miserable because it has become a habit. It is what you are used to in your life. You came to expect everything to be rotten when you lived at home, and you may be continuing that pattern even now without realizing it. Patterns can be changed. The good news is that you realize you need something different in your life, or you wouldn't have written this message, so you are already on your way.

You may want to talk to a counselor about the issues that you have brought into adulthood. Just because you have moved away from home doesn't mean those feelings about what happened to you will automatically disappear. A good counselor will also help you put your life into perspective and develop some goals for you so that you can find the happiness that you are looking for.

Good luck to you. You have your whole life ahead of you. Deal with this now and have a wonderful life.

Answer 4

You sound like me! I wonder the same thing: would I still be a depressed person and look at life the way I do if I'd had a normal childhood?
Here are some keys:
*Pray - No, really, God can help you through this! Get yourself into a good, Bible believing church. God can heal anything! Minister Joyce Meyer was sexually abused by her father (and I think I heard her say one time they were supposed to act like they liked it!). But guess what! She was able to forgive him!
*Don't meditate (think on) negative things about yourself. Proverbs 23:7 says, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."
*Surround yourself as much as you can with people who can lift you up! Happiness can be contagious! It takes practice. I married a great guy who taught me a lot about looking on the bright side. He was the world's best encourager.
*Realize that when you're depressed and want to see things in the worst possible way, things probably aren't as bad as that at all.
*Take Charge - Know that, despite your childhood, now you're all grown up. Although you couldn't change what your father did to you then, you determine how you react to your life now. You can have joy or depression. Choose.

Email me anytime!

Answer 5

i feel the same way and grew up in a similar family wow. And i too can say I do not ever remember being happy at any time in my life...and I am 22...one thing that helps me so much when I am able to put my heart into it is my relaitonship with Jesus Christ. Are you a born again Christian...forget what you may have preconcieved in your head about "religion" and talk to a preacher or go to church on Sunday....you will be amazed at the release....your previous life sucked and you have spend 28 years unhappy....can you imagine spending the next 28 the same, lifeless way? I know you want more and that it is so hard to elive that it's out there since this is all you know....I hope you will consider it. My heart goes out to you cause I feel like I know you already ~ sincerely wish you the best!

Answer 6

Lots and Lots of people had a shitty childhoods, some worse than others but the trick is to get over it! Life is too short to waste living in the past, if u keep looking back you will miss out. Your life is misserable only because you let it be. Start smiling at strangers and say "hello". I do that when I feel down and it makes u feel great when they smile back. Stop telling friends about your childhood, get over it today! U are alive , the sun is shining and the birds are singing, buy a dog and get some sloppy wet kisses from it, it will make u feel good! Don't waste another minute!!
Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

well, sometimes it takes a lot of work to be happy..it's very easy to sit back and let life happen to you...PLEASE this isn't a lecture about life --it's just my feelings. Ya sometimes life's a real b*tch and then you realize that in no time youre life will be over...I think the author's name was Joan Didion.(spelling)..and she wrote a book called "a(the?) year of magical thinking" from which I get the main point that your life can change in an instant (she was having coffee with her husband and he dropped dead)...and maybe we'd better start living it now...so many of my friends died horrible deaths in their 20's and 30's in the early days of AIDS that I owe it to them not to complain about my 57 years...i don't have the right to complain ..I haven't earned it.....am I making any sense here? I must confess I've had some major dental work done and I'm flying a little on modern wonderdrugs..so if I ramble forgive me....but I do try to live each day as if it is a gift...sometimes I really have to remind myself of that....Gawd if I were religious..I would've made a great preacher.

Answer 8

It's sad that your childhood was bad. Kids are supposed to be happy and loved by their parents. If you dad was abusive you could have been effected by it, but the good news is that you can survive!! It's time to take you life in your own hands. You can begin by getting new friends. The easiest way is to smile more than everyone else. When you smile, people want to be near you. Just be yourself and open up. Also, be polite. I know its easier to be crude or sarcastic due to your upbringing, but if you start being polite, things will take a fresh outlook. Good luck

Answer 9

You need to change your attitude. Forget about your childhood. Your father is an excuse for you to be depressed. You would be happy if you wanted to be. So, go have fun, find love and love yourself. Live one day at a time. You only get one life. I suggest, you stop being depressed and find things that make you happy.

Answer 10

You should ask your family doctor (or your local public health office) for a name of a psychologist or therapist to discuss your depression, and to help you to explore ideas to find things that will make you happy and satisfied. Your mother and sister should do the same. Keeping all these emotions inside isn't helping your outlook on matters. Something good will happen to you when you start taking care of you! Take care and all the best.
(Married to a survivor of severe child abuse).