How can a single Christian parent pursue a relationship without feeling guilty towards their own child?

Question

I've known this man now for a year, and everything about him is just what I've been praying for. But I feel guilty about pursuing a relationship with him because I feel as though I would be neglecting my child's needs. I have a toddler who is two and a half now. Am I worrying about nothing, or do I have something here to truly be concerned about? He and I have discussed this and he isn't pushing this as long as I have this issue and is willing to wait for me.

I've been praying for guidance and after several months there hasn't been anything. I know God wouldn't just give me an answer just because I tell Him to. But it sure would be nice to know deep down that my child isn't going to suffer from me not being there at night to tuck him in or for something more important. I'm truly concerned about this so I hope those who are going to answer will do so in a polite manner. Thank you so much~God Bless You!~

The wonderful thing is that this Christian Gentleman is wonderful with my son. I watch them playing on the floor with the toy cars(my sons favorite) and I see the bond that will never be there between my son and his biological father. This will be my second relationship in my life (I'm 24 years old btw), and we do go out taking my son to the local park to feed the ducks and to the playground that's just within walking distance. I'm more than likely worrying about nothing, and it's so nice to read everyone's kind answers. It's reassurring to know that I'm not going to be an aweful parent if I do this. Again thank you everyone who has answered so far, and to those who will answer later! ~God Bless~

Answer 1

I understand why you feel guilty, but you shouldn't. If nothing else positive to cling to, you may be giving your child a father figure.

When you go out with this man, leave the child with a trusted friend or relative that your son adores. Make your dates close to his bedtime so you aren't missing much with your son. Every so often, go to family places and bring your son along. Parks, picnics, family restaurants, or just sit at home together. There are plenty of activities that can be done with toddlers.

Explain to the man that you don't want to feel like you are neglecting your parental duties by spending too much time with him. Since he knows about your child, he should understand. And if he plans on being a serious part of your life, he'll have to get to know your child sooner or later. You can't keep them apart too much longer, or your child will feel that this strange man is encroaching on his mommy. He'll accept you dating better when he's too little to understand.

Time can help you both get used to being apart. Your son can't be with you all the time, and you shouldn't try to make it that way. I assume you work in some capacity since you are a single parent, so you already know that it can be painful to leave your child in another's care. But trust me, you get over it being a lasting worry throughout the night. You may feel nervous at first, but if you are having a good time, it fades into the back of your mind.

Maybe look into a cell phone, if you don't have one, to make sure you can call the sitter or whoever he is with several times if you get too nervous about your son's well being without you. If you are out at night, he'll probably be asleep. You'll feel better, and you'll know that you two can manage without eachother.

Answer 2

I think as long as you are then when he needs you that he should grow up fine. Try having your boyfriend involved in your child's life as well, the sooner they bond together the less difficult it will be later on in his life, especially if you are serious about pursuing the relationship. It is normal to feel like you are neglecting your child a little cause you've always been there for him, but now you have someone that is hopefully willing to share those responsiblities with you. So I wouldn't worry too much as long as you are all functioning as a happy family.
And don't feel bad about ignoring your son here and there, because that will also teach the child to be self reliant, just remember to help when he needs it.
And possibly having just him and mommy time as well...

Answer 3

A few nights out, with a reliable sitter is not going to do any long term damage.

However, if you are choosing your "man" over your child's needs - then yes, that is a problem. If you are choosing to go out with the man and it takes more time than you would spend with your son, that's a problem.

You have to think, how reliable is this man going to be... it could do more damage to your son to see that there is a "live in" guy or a guy that's always around, who is sorta like a father figure, but not (kids that young can't always tell the difference.) What's going to happen when your relationship with this man ends? Be careful about how much time this man spends with your child. - (Unless he's, of course, the child's dad - that's a differnt story.) How you allow your self to be treated will affect how your child treats the ones he grows up to date!

Go with what's in your heart.

Answer 4

With all your respects madam, but you should do what makes you happy. Its 2006 the world has changed dramatically, and from what it seems the world is just going to become worst. This man is the one you have been dreaming for..... My mom is single as well. She has been lonely for 6 years now. This man entered her life, she asked for my blessings and i agreed. See my father passed away over an overdose. That made me realize that everyone has there own life to live at the end. But as you live, there are those seeds that feed off of you. Which are your children. And those seeds feed off the way you feel, and if happiness controls your soul. Your children will consume your happiness and make it into a happy home.

Answer 5

If you are happy and your friend truly cares about your little son as well...Than a few minutes longer at night with you little guy till he falls asleep with reassurance, than everything will be all right..
I had a little girl who was eight years old and I met a fine christian gentleman and six months later we were married and we were married twenty two years and my sailor passed away and I cherished every day we had...I hope this helps you in your decision....

Answer 6

the child might be happy to hv a dad. have u tot abt tis? mom's love may b great, but he needs the love of a father too. will this guy u r dating accept the child like his own? will he love the child as much as u do?

also as long as the child is well-taken acre of, dating shd b fine. of course, yr child shd come first in everything, but tat doesn't mean u hv to give up on a man tat can be the one who can give u so much happiness and the security of a complete family.

Answer 7

I really Dont Know but If I was you I would go for the Man! you will not be neglecting your child's needs. he is young and honestly its your choice not your childs you know! But Im betting that if you get involved with this man that it will be good for your child to have a man in his Life!
God Bless you to
~Kimberly

Answer 8

He's not going to suffer. In fact, at two and a half, he's more then ready to have a night or two with a baby-sitter. I don't see how your dating someone will effect him at all. I say go for it and good luck!

Answer 9

go for it
why not
dont be a fool
live your life
guilty for what
its not like your gonna go party every night and stop caring for your son,
let your light shine
i have faith in you that your not going out and wickedly sining,like a drunken sailor,or dope fiend thats,for gottin about her kids at home all alone in a house that looks more like a trash can then a home ,
RELAX
YOU ARE A GOOD MOM
now go out ,and injoy you new friend
peace and love

Answer 10

FIRST OF ALL,GOD IS NOT A PIMP. SECONDLY,GOD GIVES US WHAT WE NEED WHEN WE NEED IT.SOUNDS TO ME LIKE WHAT GOD THINKS YOU NEED IS ANOTHER LESSON IN LIFE.TRY HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR 2 AND A HALF YEAR OLD. YOU WILL PROBABLY GAIN MORE FROM THAT ANYWAY!![AND I DON'T MEAN SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP,FOR HEAVENS SAKE!]