Help please?

Question

i think my mom is an alcoholic. life never used to be this hard. ive talked to my dad and he says he will try to stop the alcohol use, but im just worried. my life is totally falling apart. im never happy. i cry at the thought of my mom being an "alcoholic'. please help me in other ways then "finding a councelor to tell this too or group help thing" i just need to take my life back.

Answer 1

I grew up with alcoholic parents and my brothers and sister partied too. I used to hate it so much; it would actually make me sick to my stomach to have to talk to them. I made the choice early on that I didn't want to be like any of them. I even stopped hanging around my friends when they started to get into the party scene. You can make the same choice.... because that it what it is for you right now, a choice.

I am now 41 years old, I have a brother that is an heavy alcoholic and I worry about his safety every day because he refuses to stay our of his car. My other brother was actually put in jail for a while because of something he did while drinking too much. Sad thing is, he didn't remember doing what he did because he drank too much. That is when he made the choice not to drink anymore and went to AA to help him with his addiction. My sister still parties a lot too... Both my parents are still alive (thank God) but still drink like fishes at times. I can't help my family with their addictions; they even get resentful of me when I comment on it. But you know, it is their problem and I chose not to play with them when they drink. I actually have a rule in my house and they all know it. It is, "IF YOU ARE DRUNK DON'T EVEN CALL MY HOUSE, BECAUSE I WILL NOT TALK WITH YOU. If you want to talk to me that bad, then call me in the morning. I will be happy to talk with you then."

I don't feel that I am better than any of them; I just chose a different path, one without hangovers and regrets from what happened the night before. You can have that life too.

If you are in danger right now because your parents drink too much. You do need to talk to someone outside of the family about it. Find another grown up that you trust and talk to them. Good luck and always remember, you do have choices in life…..

Answer 2

I would need to have more info. to answer this,question of weather she is or not, but if your Mom is an alcoholic it is a desise . She has to want the help before anything can work for her . I am a recovering alcoholic so I know all about this 1st hand . Although my drinking got out of hand after my kids were grown and not at home any more . I had to just about loose everything before I could ask and really want help.
It isn't that people who have this disease are bad people . It is after a time not a choise any more , the disease takes over and it litterally rules your life . No matter what we may loose or who we may loose it can only begin to be treated when we each HIT OUR OWN BOTTOM . NOone askes for this to happen to them any more than someone wakes up one day and says hey I sure would like to have CANCER . It is extremly difficult for the family members who Love us to cope while we are in the throws of this debilateing horrible disease . Honey my heart goes out to you SINCERLY } All you can do right now is go talk to other people who are going through what you are . They can teach you how to disasotiate so that you don't become an enabiler . I know that the though of that is scary you know because you don't know what to expect . It might just save your sanity. { My kids went even though they never saw the problem 1st hand. } PLEASE FOR YOUR SAKE CONTACT ALATEEN the no. is in the phone book . GOOD LUCK ! AND GOD bless you. P.S. I've been sober for 5 years now !

Answer 3

It is hard to determine who really is an "alcoholic" anymore...most drinkers more times than not are alcoholics. My first step dad was an alcoholic, but only went on a drunk every 6 months or so...my step father now who also got my mom into drinking and she became an alcoholic, is a daily drinker. I can sit and lecture him day in and day out, but it has to be him that makes the decision to quit. And admittance is not the first step...he admitted years ago he was an alcoholic, he just can't pull out of the bottle. You yourself though can talk to her, not accusingly though, and tell her that you are worried for her. That you are afraid she may have a problem. That you still love her regardless and that when and if she ever decides to seek help or treatment you will stand by her. Many people suggest walking away, because if you stay around and let it go on, you will be enabling them. That is a decision only you can make. I was raised to love and stand by someone unconditionally and that is my choice. My mother is dead now, but my step father (actually they never married) lives in my home. I pick my moments when I think our talk will affect him the most and let him know that he has so many things to gain if he quits drinking and that I will support him in anyway he needs. You do need to be exspecially careful though, because it is genetic...don't follow the path of an alcoholic. Several times I have felt myself giving into alcohol and had to abrubtly put a stop to drinking for long periods. I will not make the same bad choices my parents made...this is what I live by.

Answer 4

I don't know how old you are, but everyone comes to a separation from their parents. Not in the sense that you don't live there anymore, but in the sense that you don't have to like what they do, or approve of it, or emulate it. Just separate from that behavior, and do what you can to control your own life.

Look at your mother and her actions as a lesson you can learn in life. You know what it does to a family when someone drinks like that. You know something important now that other people don't. Drinking to excess doesn't make you sexy or fun or cool. It just makes you messed up and drunk.

Answer 5

Confront her!! Tell her how you feel and why and make sure she is aware of all of it. It might change and it might not but keep on your dad too. Sometimes people who are doing things do not realize that it hurts others too. You could get a journal and write in it so at least you are getting it out that helps me alot.

Answer 6

Hi Hun,
I know what your going through. Both my parents used to be alcoholics. Its hard, but honestly unless they want to stop, they wont. Counseling and groups arent gonna help, im sure you know that. You just need to know that you wont follow their footsteps if you work at it. Talk to someone whos been there like me..LOL. Its your life. If you have to, do an intervention with them. Know that its not your fault or anyone elses but their own. If you need to chat, email me privatly.. Thanks Jen

Answer 7

you can go to AA meetings by yourself to better help you understand this addiction. You might want to suggest to your Dad that your Mom needs to come along.

Answer 8

its hard to help some one in that condition they almost have to hit rock bottom before you can help them cause they gotta want to help them selves like my husband it took 3 dwi b4 he quit drinking now hes in jail for 12 months but he quit drinking 7 months before then its gonna be hard but talking to a counsler will help you heal your wounds.

Answer 9

there is counselling available for family members of an alcoholic, i think its called al-ateen.

Answer 10

it's not your problem, don't take it personally,when you grow up realize everyone has a right to live their life like they want and you live your life like you want, without a crutch