My mom died. How long is it appropriate to keep her in my e-mail and phone book?

Question

I don't send anything and it doesn't cause a problem. I do have a family website that I run that she is a member of. When I address a messge, I always see her name and get a little depressed, but at the same time, don't want to let go.

I do have her clock next to the computer, and it reminds me of her. She died feb of this year. With every death in my family, I have had to travel to attend, on the way home, I stop before I leave the state and say goodbye. This time I couldn't do it, because of other people in the car. I guess I need to have that goodbye. I did the eulogy and covered my pain with humor and trying to keep upbeat to help my sisters and other family members with their grief. I'm medicaly retired, 43 years old, have two teenage kids, a 21yr old in college in Florida, and my wife is also in college, so I don't have much free time, which is good, but I do have my down times. Thanks to all of you for your answer, and I'm glad that I am not the only one with this delima.

Answer 1

As long as you want to, it's your choice to keep them or get rid of them. you are not a freak for not wanting to let mom go, it's never easy saying goodbye physically, it's even harder emotionally.
I still have my grandmas in my address book and she passed away 7 years ago, I just can't bare to part with it!! Every time I see her name and old address and phone number, I get flooded with such wonder full memories of her, I could never part with that emotional tie, never, it helps keep her and her memories alive.
my heart goes out to you for your loss, my condolences, god bless..........

Answer 2

You didn't say how long ago it was. But there are no rules on grieving some ones death because every relationship is different.Some people move on rather quickly while others hang on for a lifetime. take your time never get in a hurry to make a decision like this. The rule of thumb is do not change anything for 1 year, then you can think about making a decision. on what to do. Last but not least,never let anyone push you.Remember there is no right or wrong in the way we grieve.

Answer 3

I'm soo sorry your mom died! I think you should keep it forever or as long as you want to. Even though it makes you sad, just remember that other people experienced the same thing as you did and most people - even worse. Life can't be perfect.
Another reason is because I don't think you'd want to forget about your mom because you threw away her e-mail and phone book. I mean, if you do and somehow you remember her, you might even get more sad.
Another good thing is that if you throw away or delete or whatever her email and phone book, you can probably never get it back. If you keep it, you still have it.

Answer 4

Dont think because you get a little depressed when you see her name that thats bad or wrong. We all have to let our feelings out. I love my mom and would feel insane without her. Dont let go if you arent ready or keep it as a memory. Maybe having her name in your address is a way to remember her emails when she was here. God Bless you. You are a wonderful person to love your mom this much. I am sure that she carries your love with her still.

Answer 5

I thought I was the only one!!! My dad died last July (2005) and he is still in my cell phone, telephone and email. I still can't bring myself to take it out. I did eventually take him out of my family group because deleting it hurt every time. But he is still in my email address book and the ones at home too! I don't know if it's ever going to be the "right" time. I don't think it matters it's not hurting anyone...so every time you see her name, have a quick, happy memory that's what I do

Answer 6

This may sound cold, but that is not the intent.

Do you plan to call her or email her? If the answer is no then it is ok to delete her contact info. Its not like your deleting your memories. Go a head and remove them its ok to do so.

If you wish to leave them there to remind you of the great times you had sending her email or calling her then leave them.

Basically what ever you choose is totally acceptable, because its you life and your choice

Answer 7

I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy to let go and sometimes you just don't want to.... I have also had some losses in my family and have dealt with the same issues. In one case I actually went years before removing them. I remember stopping and taking a minute just to stare at it and think about happy thoughts of them.... that always seemed to help me....

Answer 8

I am sorry about your loss. It must be painful. I lost a brother on 15 Jul 2005. And indeed each time as I scroll past his name on my handphone, I felt a pinge of pain. One day (I can't remember when), I deleted his contact from my email, handphone. And truly today I can't remember his "familiar" number anymore but one thing remains in my heart...the memories of the things we shared and did together. Those cannot be erased and I know they will always be with me no matter where I go.

Answer 9

well first of all sorry for your loss, losing a parent or family member is always a tragedy for all who are involved. so in answer to your question i think you will know when the time is right and you will do it then, if you dont want to do it yourself or feel you cant perhaps you could ask a trusted family member or close friend to do it for you so you dont actually have to do it yourself. just a thought.

Answer 10

leave it there. You'll be sorry if you don't. When we were losing my dad in the hospital, I had the hospitals' phone # on memory in my cellphone. I leave it there even though he's gone. I know how you feel. I feel it's just holding on and takes a little of the finality and reality away for a minute. It is sad, though. So sorry.