i am musician and a poet. i'm only 5'4", and my eyesight is bad just enough so that i wouldn't risk driving a car--so i don't drive by choice--hey, it saves gas AND lives haha!
but seriously, i am not loud and obnoxious, and i feel inferior sometimes, to these big, loud, shnazzy dudes who only seem to care about their fancy cars, sports, and all that (of course, to each their own! everybody's got their thing, i just can't really get into all that, and i guess that puts a further distance-maker upon my "challenge" to just stride right to a young Lady and have a conversation that last for more than 1 minute, before i probably turn red and stammer and don't know what to say next haha), who seem to treat women like crap, and it irks me so much, because it seems that women like the bad guys (at least it's a "phase" i hear, am i correct?--i mean no offense).
is it really totally up to the guy to do all advances, bceause that is society's "expected norm"?
2006-08-29 15:28:54 · 15 answers · asked by j-man 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Personally, I do not like those loud, obnoxious, shnazzy, fancy car-loving, sports-y, treat-their-women-like-crap dudes. They're just loud...and obnoxious. I'd much rather be with a genuine, honest, sincere guy (even if he is red and stammering!). Just be yourself and I think you should be fine!!
Oh, and thank you for not driving...=)
2006-08-29 18:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by just me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I hear a couple of questions here. I'm going to comment from a personal standpoint - what you do with the information is up to you.
Under normal circumstances, apparently I'm good-looking (or so I am told, I believe that's subjective). Part of that is in looks, but most of it is in attitude. I'm extroverted, confident, and I don't really give a care about what people think about me. The only guys that approach me are incredibly cocky. So I laugh and walk away since I'm not a fan of *********.
I've asked out every boyfriend I've ever had b/c the kind of guys I like are not the kind of guys that will generally approach me - so no, its not required that a guy ask a girl out.
Also, I tended to be attracted to "shyer" guys because they were my opposite. Most of my relationships have been with computer nerds, science geeks, the men that wouldn't dare approach me, hence why I had to approach them.
One caveat with that is that you have to seize the day and not be shocked if you start to feel that a woman is showing you some interest. I'm stubborn - it took me quite a few "hints" with my now-husband - all the way down to kissing him - in order for him to get the fact that I liked him. He just couldn't believe it... although I don't know why... in my universe, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me! But not all women are that persistent... so don't make them work that hard if you can help it. ;)
Also, about the height... I'm 5'11" and have dated guys shorter than me. Not all women are comfortable with that, but its definitely not unheard of, so don't let that stand in your way.
About the driving... I don't drive by choice either - I would kill more people than I could count by my horrid driving - so I don't, and that's okay with me. If anyone else has a problem with it, well, why don't they get in a car with me driving and see how long that problem lasts....
So get yourself out there, take a few chances, but don't think you have to do it all - because you don't.
Chances are someone will like you because you intrigue them, probably because you are different than they are... and everything they want in their life.
2006-08-29 15:46:06 · answer #2 · answered by thoughtfulwind 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I married a shy guy. Incidentally, by the time we got married, after knowing each other for three years, he was no longer shy. He really came into himself. I have a loud voice, talk a lot, and can be overbearing - I am also nice, kind, loving and sweet. I just helped him open himself up and be the wonderful guy he was hiding behind. DON'T feel inferior to the kind of "other" guys you were describing. Real women really don't want that kind of guy. It does seem to be a phase for girls to like the bad boys, but that's not the kind of man you bring home to meet your parents. You are! And no, the guy doesn't have to do all the advances, but then also - don't worry about the "no"s you might get if you do. Some women don't know a good thing if it were right in front of them. You sound like a good catch, and I wish you luck in your search. There really are LOTS of women who like guys like you - you just have to run into one another somehow!
2006-08-29 15:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that the guy should have to make all the advances. Many girls do that, and I've heard that it takes a lot of pressure off the guys. I don't know what to say about how to overcome being shy, I'm a little shy myself, but I think it's cute when a guy is shy and has trouble talking to me. It means that he's really nervous about the outcome of the conversation, and that he really likes me. He can't quite figure out what to say. For me a shy guy is not a turn off.
2006-08-29 15:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a sweetheart and trust me, there aren't too many good, decent, respectable guys around anymore these days.I don't believe that it is up to the man to make the first move, but it wouldn't hurt either. If you look at having a relationship with someone just to get to know them, to start feeling comfortable when you are together, this helps wiht self esteem. Of course you are nervous around women you dont know. Be yourself, and I'll bet there are plenty of women out there that would date a gentleman like yourself. Good luck! I believe there is someone for everyone. You'll see : - )
2006-08-29 15:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by CTMEDS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To answer your first question, yes, a shy guy would turn me off, only because shy guys sometimes don't have much to say, and I like to talk and have conversation.
If you want to talk to someone, here's what you do: When you see a woman whom you would like to get to know, before you go up and talk to her, have a few topics of conversation in your mind. If you should run out, ask her something about herself. There's nothing more that women like to talk about than themselves. Make sure you listen, make comments about what she says, and don't zone out, unless she's completely boring. If she is, make a graceful exit and look for someone else.
There's nothing wrong with you being short and half-blind; some women like short men. I know a woman who married a man shorter than she is, and they were happy for quite a while before they divorced (for other reasons). You could advertise in your local newspaper or on a dating site, and be honest about yourself. You might find who you're looking for. Good luck.
2006-08-29 15:41:45 · answer #6 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the most important thing is to be truthful to yourself.
So you are shy, I kind of think that is an endearing quality in a guy, dont worry about it.
You need to look at yourself in a better light, and just keep trying.
You will build up more confidence as you go.
Dont give up, youll find the right girl when it is meant to happen!
2006-08-29 15:33:36 · answer #7 · answered by kai_oshea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wish it wasnt so, but yes, its pretty much up to the guy to make advances. the good thing is that not all ladies like those loud and obnoxious guys. if theyre into that theyre usually loud and obnoxious themselves and it sounds like you arent interested in that(me neither). there are quiet and simple girls out there too. thats what i shoot for. just remember that you should never try to be someone youre not. stay true to yourself and there will be a girl that can appreciate that. everyone has a match... just stick in there and stay confident in yourself. be proud you arent big loud and obnoxious. see ya.
2006-08-29 15:32:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is a saying that's reminded me of your case, " nice guys finish last."
It's nothing about you. i bet you're a great kinda funny, smart, and calm. There is nothing wrong with that. I'm very shy, but since i moved out i've been acting loud and bossy. Because i just wanted to be heard... you know what i mean, but i'm still the scared little girl that hates reading her report in class.
Just be yourself, breath, and have fun you have the rest of your live to be shy.
-Ash
2006-08-29 15:37:53 · answer #9 · answered by ash223 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being shy is not a bad thing..shy guys often make girls comfortable...well unless u make the girl do all the talkin then its totally not..but i go for the shy guy who would actually talk to me. so i can get to know him better..but thats just me.. just be yourself girls will LOVE ya trust me i know ! haha
well i hope this helped...p.s. i have bad eyesight too but heck im gonna drive no offence haha
ttul
2006-08-29 15:34:24 · answer #10 · answered by Jessi P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋